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As moms, it feels like we're always crunched for time without a moment to ourselves in a given day. And that really takes its toll on our mental health. Here are some tips for getting more "time affluence" in your day—and no, it's not about being more productive! Time affluence is about structuring your to-do list so it feels more manageable and working time for yourself into the fabric of your day-to-day so that you're not going months without any me-time. Margaret and Amy discuss: The difference between "time famine" and "time poverty" Why modern conveniences haven't given us more leisure time What studies show about the relationship between time affluence and happiness Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Wikipedia: Time Affluence Ross Bruch for Brown, Brothers, & Harriman Law Firm blog: The Value of Time: Understanding and Maximizing Time Affluence Barnaby Lashbrooke for Forbes: This is the Key to Achieving Time Affluence Jermaine Archer's TEDTalk: "A Matter of

This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist. How do we prepare for a future that isn’t clear? How do we prepare our kids for their future when what that might look like is also unclear?  Uncertainty is an unavoidable part of the parenting journey, but in this episode we’re talking about those really uncertain times: the “this might be nothing, but we’d like to run more tests” times. The “we actually aren’t sure what’s happening here” times. The "this could really go either way" moments in our lives. In this episode we discuss: why parenting through uncertainty is so hard how these times have played out in our own lives why “just try not to think about it!” is terrible advice  why the things we do to reduce our uncertainty can sometimes backfire Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:  Mark Freeston et al: Towards a model of uncertainty distress

How can women grapple with society's unattainable standards for beauty, femininity, and motherhood? Nicole Graev Lipson, author of the new book MOTHERS AND OTHER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, discusses how she has started to divorce herself from these ideas and get more comfortable with uncertainty. Nicole Graev Lipson's essays have appeared in The Best American Essays 2024, The Sun, Virginia Quarterly Review, The Gettysburg Review, River Teeth, Fourth Genre, The Boston Globe, and more. Nicole, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The role that mothers are expected to play How society treats aging women as invisible How Nicole learned to sit with her own uncertainty about parenting Here's where you can find Nicole: nicolegraevlipson.com @nglipson on IG and @NicoleGLipson on X Buy MOTHERS AND OTHER FICTIONAL CHARACTERS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781797228563 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https:

If you're a stay-at-home parent, how do you answer to the people who frequently– and annoyingly– ask, "So, what do you do all day?" A listener in our Facebook group posted? "During Covid, I quit my job and I’ve been home. I drive my kids to school, work out, and manage the house and family. I’m very happy and fulfilled, especially knowing that my eldest will be leaving for college soon, I’m soaking up this time. My problem is trying to explain this to others. I have a good college degree and worked in a decent field before I quit. I guess I feel pressure to work and use my skills. One well-intentioned retired woman at my gym was actually trying to figure out how I can not drive my kids to school so that I could go back to work. I’ve even considered lying and saying I work part time at home to get people off my case." A pre-pandemic Gallup analysis 60,000 women in the U.S. revealed that more than a quarter of SAHMs report feeling depressed. The researchers suggested that “societal recognition of

This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist. Gloria DeGaetano, parenting expert and founder of the Parent Coaching Institute, recently wrote: "There's almost not a word to express the stress parents are under right now. 'Overwhelmed' doesn't cut it. It's beyond anything we've ever experienced." This really is a strange and scary moment for all of us, and parenting through our own anxiety is proving a special challenge. In this episode we discuss how to parent bravely–which doesn't mean parenting in denial but does mean creating emotional safety for our families even when we don't have all the answers. Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Kidpower.org: How To Choose Safety in Scary Times Ariana Eunjung Cha for Washington Post: ‘It’s like a fire alarm every day’ Alison Snyder et al for Axios: Parents Aren't All Right Fresh Take: Christina Hillsberg on

How do we navigate raising children when we were not set a good example by our parents? Melanie Shankle, author of the new book HERE BE DRAGONS, discusses how we can disrupt the harmful parenting patterns that we grew up with and do better by our own children. Melanie Shankle is the New York Times bestselling author of several books, co-host of the podcast, The Big Boo Cast, and creator of The Big Mama blog. Melanie, Amy, and Margaret discuss: What Melanie's relationship with her own mother taught her about parenting When to know if your kids need your help navigating a situation Modeling the importance of female friendships for our kids Here's where you can find Melanie: @Melanieshankle on IG and @BigMama on X https://thebigmamablog.com Listen to Melanie's podcast The Big Boo Cast Buy HERE BE DRAGONS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593601204 Listen to our Fresh Take with Judith Warner, author of AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can alw

"People pleaser" is usually both a gendered and pejorative term. Some people really do love taking on the lion's share of work in a given situation. Some people do it but are secretly resentful that they always have to spearhead endless event planning, committees, and get togethers. Here's what "people pleasing" really means and how to unwind yourself from it if it's getting to be too much. Amy and Margaret discuss: The actual definition of people pleasing versus how it's commonly used Demand sensitivity and how it relates to people-pleasing How to differentiate between people-pleasing and altruism Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Gary Trosclair for The Healthy Compulsive Project: What, Exactly, Do They Want From You? How The Demand Sensitivity Lens Mucks Up Our Lives Nick North on YouTube: How We Avoid Stupid Fights - the Number System Reddit: The Term "People Pleaser" Allyson Chiu for the Washington Post: How to Know If You're a People-Pleaser and What to Do Abou

The audiobook reviews of HAPPY TO HELP (written and read by our own Amy Wilson!) are in, and they're amazing. Libro.fm has chosen Happy to Help as a "Bookseller Pick," and this week they're giving What Fresh Hell listeners a free audiobook chapter! It's Amy's favorite essay in HAPPY TO HELP, and in the intro she explains why. Libro.fm's review comes from a bookseller at Alexandria on Main in Elkins, WV: “Did we just become best friends? I mean, seriously Amy, you absolutely nailed type A extrovert motherhood. I usually shy away from memoirs and from essay collections…and I’m thrilled to have made myself start your book. Once I did, you could not have pulled my attention away! MUST READ THIS BOOK!” And Candace Smith's review for Booklist says: "The author shines as a reader and her performance adds so much to the text. The essays become private conversations with the listener that spark both laughter and tears." Enjoy what you hear? Get HAPPY TO HELP at libro.fm, on Bookshop, or wherever you buy books

This month's Deep Dive series is about parenting through uncertainty. Listen to all of the episodes in the series with this Spotify playlist. Is it okay for us to be emotional in front of our kids? Julie, one of our podcast listeners, asked this question in our Facebook group:  Is it good for kiddos to see their moms have emotions? And how can we talk through our emotions with our kids? My grandmother lost her husband when my dad was 11 years old. She had four kids, no job. She had to take care of everything. Once I asked her how she coped with all of that, and she said she just held it together, always, except when she cried in the shower at night. At first, I thought, wow, how strong of her. Now that I have kids, I kind of wonder: is shower crying always good? Never good? Sometimes good?  Shower crying is definitely better than swallowing emotions entirely. And there are times when our emotions, and/or the situations causing them, are too unsettling for our kids to handle. Sometimes it's good for kids to

How do social media influencers themselves manage their expectations around parenting and their consumption of parenting content online? Renee Reina, creator and host of the "Mom Room" podcast, discusses how her ADHD diagnosis, her PhD in psychology, and her social media presence all shape her parenting. Renee, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How parenting norms have changed since they were children How Renee's ADHD diagnosis has impacted her work and her parenting How Renee manages her consumption of social media as a content creator herself Renee Reina is the creator and host of The Mom Room. She also has a wildly popular Instagram following and a PhD in psychology. Here's where you can find Renee: @thereneereina & @themomroom on IG Listen to The Mom Room podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ab

Did you know? Happy to Help is available on Audible- with Amy doing the narration! Should you brush your teeth with hot or cold water? Do you cut sandwiches horizontally or diagonally? How tightly should you screw on jar lids? We asked our listeners for their most longstanding, totally low-stakes disagreements with their spouse or parenting partner. And there were just too many juicy arguments for one episode! Here's part two of our final rulings on important topics. Join our Facebook group and be part of our next episode! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips,  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. We are the protagonist in our own story, but what happens when we become the antagonist in stories we weren't even aware of? Or when we assign antagonist roles to unsuspecting partners or kids? Amy and Margaret discuss why we as humans need to tell ourselves stories, when the stories we tell ourselves might stop serving us, and how we can change the stories we tell ourselves. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: why our brains are willing to ignore what doesn't fit our preconceived narratives the concept of cognitive mediation, which is how stories are created "taking things less personally" and the better approach to avoid feeling wounded by others' stories how to rediscover the agency we have over the stories we tell ourselves Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode: Esther Perel: How

Anxiety is diagnosed much more frequently than it used to be; that goes for our kids as well. Our parental instincts are usually to reassure them, but as it turns out, that actually isn't the solution to making them worry less. Ashley Graber and Maria Evans, child and family psychotherapists and authors of the new book RAISING CALM KIDS IN A WORLD OF WORRY, explain how to have tough conversations with your child, and how to teach your child coping skills for their anxiety. In this episode Ashley, Maria, and Margaret discuss: Why kids are more anxious these days The S.A.F.E.R parenting method How to talk to your children about their worries Here's where you can find Ashley and Maria: www.ashleygrabertherapy.com/books-and-media www.mariaevanstherapy.com/book @ashleygraber1 and @mariaevanstherapy on IG Buy RAISING CALM KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780143137795 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on

Did you know? Happy to Help is available on Audible- with Amy doing the narration! Should ketchup be refrigerated? Is dryer-lint cleaning a before or after job? We asked our listeners for their most longstanding, totally low-stakes disagreements with their spouse or parenting partner. In this episode, we render judgments. People, we're calling balls and strikes. Our determinations are final. Join our Facebook group and be part of our next episode! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips,  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. What does it mean to have a midlife crisis? What exactly counts as "midlife," and (yikes) are we already in it? Can we avoid the disenchantment and the rash decision-making that stereotypically accompany such times in our lives? A listener in our Facebook group asked: "Who has been thru their midlife crisis and how did you deal? Turning 40 next week has me feeling like I've wasted my life. Can I get over the what-ifs?" In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: How American culture has changed its views on aging Why women and men experience midlife crises differently Why the age of your children might be the thing triggering your crisis Here are links to some of the resources discussed in the episode: Howard P. Chudacoff: How old are you? Age consciousness in American culture Laurence Steinberg: Crossing Paths:

So many women feel that when they leave the workforce to become a stay-at-home parent, "Mom" becomes their primary and only identity. But Neha Ruch, author of the new book THE POWER PAUSE, reframes the shift from paid work to stay-at-home parenting—and sometimes back to the workforce— in a way that expands identity and possibilities for women going through these transitions. Neha, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why the period of "stay at home momness" can be a great challenge to identity How the Power Pause stands in contrast to the way moms are seen when they stop working Practical tips for resigning strategically when leaving the workforce How to grow and learn during a power pause—and why it's not really a resume gap Here's where you can find Neha: https://www.motheruntitled.com @motheruntitled on Instagram Buy THE POWER PAUSE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593716182 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current

We're talking about some of the topics in Amy Wilson's new book HAPPY TO HELP. Get it in our Bookshop bookstore, or wherever you buy books! Ask most people if women are "just better" at multitasking, and they'll probably agree. Didn't some study say that at some point? Aren't women from Venus and men from Mars? Aren't our brains completely different? Here's what the research really says about multitasking. Turns out we may have been bamboozled into doing more work all this time WITHOUT being any better at it. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why multitasking feels good sometimes Why women may be better at it only because they have more practice How attempting to multitask actually makes us less productive Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: D. Ren, H. Zhou and X. Fu, "A Deeper Look at Gender Difference in Multitasking: Gender-Specific Mechanism of Cognitive Control," for Fifth International Conference on Natural Computation. @meglskalla on TikTok: "Testing the 'Men Can't Mult

Amy Wilson's book Happy to Help is out now and available wherever you buy books! Join Amy and Margaret in Philadelphia and San Antonio in February 2025 for their latest "What Fresh Hell Live!" shows. For tickets, head to bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour. This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. For moms who want to make a change, whether it's returning to an old career after a break, or forging a entirely new path, Amy and Margaret are here to tell you: it's possible, and it can be a time that feels like possibility instead of a series of closed doors. Amy and Margaret discuss: Their own (multiple) experiences with pivoting How the pandemic has affected working moms The challenges of reentering the workforce after being a stay-at-home parent for some time The first step to pivoting? Uncovering what you really want in this next stage of your professional life,

How do our experiences in our families of origin shape our own parenting style? Norah Lally, author of the new book BACK TO BAINBRIDGE—and Margaret's best friend!—discusses her own experiences of becoming a mother to three children, born in very different circumstances. Norah Lally is a New York-born, Los Angeles-based writer. Her debut novel, Back to Bainbridge, was selected as an Editor’s Pick by BookLife at Publishers Weekly. Here's where you can find Norah: www.norahlally.com @norahlallywrites on IG @BacktoBainbridge on FB Buy BACK TO BAINBRIDGE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781647048723 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting

You can find Amy's new book HAPPY TO HELP in hardcover, paperback, Ebook, and audiobook (read by Amy !) at bit.ly/happytohelpamazon or wherever you buy books! Have you already failed at achieving your lofty New Year's Resolutions that you set for 2025? The problem isn't you. It's that year after year we resolve to fix the same things about ourselves once and for all, rather than accept that what we really need are gentle resets—consistent, continuous, and without the feeling bad about ourselves part. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: where "back-to-ones" come from (Hollywood, believe it or not) why back-to-ones are better than goals how to reset our habits "back to one" and stop punishing ourselves for not being perfect our own "back to ones" for 2025 Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Mallory Thomas We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our webs

Amy Wilson's book Happy to Help is out now and available wherever you buy books! Join Amy and Margaret in Philadelphia and San Antonio in February 2025 for their latest "What Fresh Hell Live!" shows. For tickets, head to bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour. This Deep Dive series is about reflecting on our trajectories as mothers - looking back, reflecting on where we are now, and thinking about the future. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Becoming a mother changes everything about us. Literally: the very structure of our brain changes during pregnancy, along with our eyeglass description and our shoe size. That most of us become more hypervigilant and more anxious isn't a personal failing– it's a biological imperative. But while the ways motherhood has changed us may be very natural, that doesn't mean those transitions were always easy. In this episode we discuss how motherhood has changed us, how it's also made us more aware of who we always were, and how giving ourselves grace about those changes has been wh

Many of us grew up believing in that women are particularly biologically designed to nurture—which means that a mother will immediately and instinctively know how to parent, be better at it than the other adults around her and the baby, and that she'd really prefer to do the caretaking work on her own. Nancy Reddy says all of that is THE GOOD MOTHER MYTH, and in her new book, uncovers the shoddy and old-fashioned science beneath our bad ideas about how to be a good mom. In this interview, Nancy and Amy discuss: where the "good mother myth" originated how being a good mother is all-encompassing so that we never lift our heads to see the larger picture or argue for structural, societal change how the expectation that mothers can or should do it all harms all parents Here's where you can find Nancy: www.nancyreddy.com @nancy.o.reddy on IG @nancy_reddy on X Subscribe to the "Write More, Be Less Careful" newsletter at nancyreddy.substack.com Buy THE GOOD MOTHER MYTH: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/97812

Happy to Help is available wherever you buy books, and at bit.ly/whatfreshhellamazon. Did you know Amy narrates the audiobook? This episode marks number 400 of Amy-and-Margaret conversations on "What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood." (There are also hundreds of "Fresh Take" interviews with experts and guests!) We're here this episode to reflect on the lessons learned and challenges faced along the way. We discuss: Our biggest parenting takeaways from eight years of this podcast How parenting has changed since we started observing it closely The things we thought were true about parenting that just did not match up We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills,

We’re sharing this excellent list of resources to support those affected by the California fires. This list was created by writer Sari Botton @saribotton: World Central Kitchen, providing meals in the area. Donate a Meal Mutual Aid Network L.A. GoFundMe Los Angeles Fire Department Foundation’s Wildfire Fund Project Hope (“actively distributing hygiene kits to displaced families and children, procuring high-need items for shelters and health clinics, supporting health workers administering care to people affected, and mobilizing mental health support in response to the historic fires…“) Greater Good Charities (helping people and pets, with donations matched) National Council of Jewish Women (collecting clothes, toys, hygiene products and funds). California Community Foundation Wildlife Recovery Fund Pasadena Humane Society, boarding displaced pets and supplying pet food and medical care. Friends In Deed Pasadena Displaced Black Families Displaced Latine Families Mutual Aid Directory

We've been talking about it on the podcast a ton recently: we need to spend less time on our phones. But willpower doesn't work, at least not for long. Writer and influencer Mallory Thomas, author of the romantic novel SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, explains the science behind our phone addiction and the strategies she put in place that actually worked. In this episode Mallory, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The "aha" moment when Mallory realized she had to decrease her screen time Understanding the dopamine rush behind endless scrolling Strategies that didn't work, and then what actually did, to help Mallory curb her phone usage Here's where you can find Mallory: @mallorythomas_writes on IG, TikTok, and YouTube #whereisyoursomewhere www.mallorythomas.com Buy SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798991499903 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.

Get Amy Wilson's new book HAPPY TO HELP at bit.ly/happytohelpamazon or wherever you buy books! It's a good thing to be aware of the emotions and needs of the people around us. For some kids, it can tip into hypersensitivity to others' emotions, people-pleasing behaviors, and asking if people are mad at them approximately twenty times a day. How can we help? (And is it way worse for girls?) In this episode, hosts Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables discuss: What empirical studies of gender differences in emotion really show How empathy can correlate with social anxiety Strategies for highly empathetic people to disentangle themselves from others' emotions Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our "How to Yell Less" episode Toni Bernhard J.D. for Psychology Today: It's Time to Stop Taking Things Personally Connie Chang for Parents Magazine: How to Help Your Sensitive, Deeply Feeling Kid Handle an Overwhelming World Kateri McRae et. al in Group Processes & Intergroup Relations J

This month's Deep Dive series is all about useful tips we've acquired over the years! Listen to the whole series on this Spotify playlist. We asked our listeners what minor and yet life-changing advice they have to offer. From bringing Sharpies everywhere, to cleaning the shower in the shower, to milkshakes after doctors' appointments, our lives just got a whole lot better! Margaret and Amy discuss: The correct way to boil corn What really goes in the glove compartment (not gloves) Amy's meet-cute with her husband "Let's Make a Deal" Links! "Bag o' Glass" on SNL We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for mo

Where do we even start when we feel like we're drowning in too much stuff? Tyler Moore, better known on Instagram as @tidydad, and author of the new book TIDY UP YOUR LIFE, discusses tips on dealing not only with clutter, but with the emotions that accompany it. Tyler and Amy discuss: Keeping only what supports your current life, freeing up space for what matters How to divide decluttering into seasons Why "easily tidied," and not "always tidied," is the real goal Here's where you can find Tyler: www.thetidydad.com  @tidydad on IG @thetidydad on TikTok #tidyupyourlife Buy TIDY UP YOUR LIFE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593797839 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenti

In celebration of the launch of her new book, HAPPY TO HELP, in this episode Margaret gives Amy the interview treatment! Amy tells all about the process of writing this book, the hard times that really put her parenting to the test, and her eventual discovery that putting our own needs lower and lower down our list of priorities will never work well enough to forever-fix everything around us. You can find HAPPY TO HELP in hardcover, paperback, ebook, and audiobook (read by Amy !) at bit.ly/happytohelpamazon or wherever you buy books! Subscribe to Amy's Substack for more about Happy to Help: amywilsonauthor.substack.com Join Amy at one of her HAPPY TO HELP launch events, regularly updated at http://bit.ly/happytohelpevents. Find all the HAPPY TO HELP launch events at www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/tourdates/ And if you'd like to choose HAPPY TO HELP for your book club and have Amy join you live or over Zoom to discuss, send an email to [email protected]. Here's where to find more about Amy: @amywlsn on Inst

This month's Deep Dive series is all about useful tips we've acquired over the years! Listen to the whole series on this Spotify playlist. Happy 6th Anniversary to What Fresh Hell! In six years of doing this podcast, we've learned a lot, changed our minds, and watched our kids grow. This week we're talking about the most important things we've learned over the last six years, and what a privilege it is to be part of this incredible podcast community. Thanks for listening! Here are some things we talk about in this episode: Fresh Take: Helena Andrews-Dyer on Learning From Moms Not Like Us Fresh Take: Dr. Becky Goodman on Being "Good Inside" Faberge Organics Hairspray commercial (tell two friends!) Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals an

Cognitive biases are self-deceptive thought patterns we all use to make sense of the world. In a world that makes less and less sense, Amanda Montell argues, humans have become more irrational than ever. In her new book THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING, Montell explains how our brains' coping mechanisms have become overloaded—and how to slow down our panic responses when the world becomes too overwhelming. Amanda, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How magical overthinking has manifested from the modern age of mass information overload and an epidemic of loneliness The types of cognitive biases that comprise magical overthinking, such as the sunk cost fallacy, the halo effect, and proportionality bias Strategies to combat the negative effects of magical overthinking Here's where you can find Amanda: https://amandamontell.com/ @amanda_montell on IG Buy THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668007976 Listen to the "Sounds Like a Cult" podcast We love the sponsors that make this

How can positive psychology help us create more of what we want for ourselves in this new year? Life coach Ann Imig takes Margaret and Amy through some of her coursework and tells us how to connect our already-existing personality strengths to more joy and well-being. Ann Imig is an award-winning writer, speaker, and performer, currently working as a certified positive psychology life coach. In 2010 she created the nationwide storytelling series and book titled Listen to Your Mother. Ann, Amy, and Margaret discuss: -taking stock of the previous year and using that knowledge to create what's next -how the character strengths quiz can help you create more well-being -how to get more of what we want in 2025 Here's where you can find Ann Imig: -ListenLifeCoaching.com -Get a free 30-minute consultation with Ann! -Preview the "Year BEGIN" Workshop -Listen to Ann's podcast "It's Pronounced Memwah" with Wendy Aarons and Mariana Olenko -Take the character strengths quiz: https://viacharacter.org/ We love the spon

This month's Deep Dive series is all about useful tips we've acquired over the years! Listen to the whole series on this Spotify playlist. Here are the parenting experts who changed our thinking the most, the listeners who made us laugh the most, and what we're going to carry with us into the new year. We also shout out the fantastic small team that makes What Fresh Hell and our podcast network, Adalyst Media, run so smoothly. All women, all amazing. Our listeners are amazing, too. Thank you for being part of our funny, fun, supportive community. If you haven't yet, join our Facebook group, the last good place on the internet: https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies,

Do you and your partner find yourselves talking past each other when arguing? Erin and Stephen Mitchell, authors of the new book TOO TIRED TO FIGHT, discuss how parenting can impact relationships (including their own!) and strategies to manage conflict and stay connected.  Erin and Stephen Mitchell are the cofounders of Couples Counseling for Parents, a company focused on providing access to research-informed, psychologically sound online education for couples. Amy, Erin, and Stephen discuss: Why fighting between couples often increases once kids come into the picture What conflict in a relationship really signifies—and why it's not a bad thing Why conflict resolution doesn't have to be dead serious all the time Here's where you can find Erin and Stephen: www.couplescounselingforparents.com Buy TOO TIRED TO FIGHT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593714270 Listen to the "Couples Counselling for Parents" podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the spec

What happens when the usual parenting advice feels zero-percent applicable to our own situation? The first step is to let go of any "second arrow" self-blame that that is the case. The second step is to chart our own paths. Amy and Margaret discuss: What types of kids may not benefit from the one-size-fits-all parenting advice Why the concept of default parenting advice is harmful Why kids "irritating behaviors" are signs that they are growing and learning appropriately Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sarah Lyons for Western NY Family Magazine: "One Size Doesn't Fit All" Our episode "When Your Kid Doesn't Fit the Mold" Jeanie Lerche Davis for WebMD: 10 Commandments of Good Parenting Dana Bosu: How to Cope When Your Child is Different Andrew Solomon: Far From the Tree Ross Greene: The Explosive Child Rita Eichenstein: Not What I Expected Deborah Reber: Differently Wired Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plu

We’re rerunning some of our favorite holiday episodes to keep you company while you do all the things this season. Listen to all of our holiday episodes in this Spotify playlist. Experts say happiness is often purer in the anticipation of an event. The reality can be a little more messy. And at no time of year is that sentiment more true than during the holiday season. We asked our listeners to tell us their holiday worsts, and in this episode we discuss them all, plus a few of our own. Hams glazed with norovirus! Toddlers sleeping in airports! And of course, everyone's favorite Yuletide treat: The Vomiting Christmas Baby! And yet those are the holidays we remember best. Which makes it (almost) all worth it. Think your holiday season has been a little crazy? Hold our eggnog. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Future Fans: helping little

Are teenagers destined to be bored by high school, or are we missing an important piece of the puzzle? Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop, authors of THE DISENGAGED TEEN, explain what's behind the teen disengagement crisis and how parents can act. Jenny Anderson is an award-winning journalist, author, and speaker with more than 25 years of experience. Rebecca Winthrop is the director of the Center for Universal Education at Brookings and an adjunct professor at Georgetown University. Jenny, Rebecca, and Margaret discuss: The four different modes of learning that teens tend to engage in What academic disengagement in a teen really signals about them How parents can help their kids get more excited about learning Here's where you can find Jenny and Rebecca: www.jennywestanderson.org www.rebeccawinthrop.com www.thedisengagedteen.com @jennyandersonwrites and @drrebeccawinthrop on IG #DisengagedTeen #LearnBetterLiveBetter Buy THE DISENGAGED TEEN: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593727072 We love t

SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints.But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have.In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for (once again) having raised your voice Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Carla Naumburg Our Fresh Take with Emily Edlynn Lisa Belkin for NYT: Can Yelling at Your

We’re rerunning some of our favorite holiday episodes to keep you company while you do all the things this season. Listen to all of our holiday episodes in this Spotify playlist. Are you juggling “dress as your favorite reindeer” day at preschool with frantic texts from your sister-in-law asking what your spouse wants for Christmas? Are you feeling like hiding under the covers instead of hitting the office holiday party?  It’s the most everything time of the year, and women report the holidays as being far more stressful than men do.  In this episode we discuss how to manage the holiday stress, how to accept the non-cozy feelings that may arise, and why it’s okay to dial back if you’re really not feeling the holiday spirit.  Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:  Pooja Lakshmin on Instagram @womensmentalhealthdoc Greenberg Quinlan Rosner Research: Holiday Stress Harvard Medical School: A holiday advisory for your emotions Cedars-Sinai Hosp

Does being a crunchy mom mean milling your own flour and sending your kids to school barefoot? Emily and Jason Morrow, creators of Really Very Crunchy, discuss what inspired them to both embrace and riff on the crunchy lifestyle. Emily Morrow is a stay-at-home mom who created the social media channel "Really Very Crunchy" with her husband Jason in 2022. Emily, Jason, and Margaret discuss: What the crunchy lifestyle entails and why it's a spectrum How Emily and Jason got the inspiration to start Really Very Crunchy How to balance your own crunchiness with the lifestyles of your friends and family Here's where you can find Emily and Jason: www.reallyverycrunchy.com @reallyverycrunchy on IG, FB, YouTube, and TikTok  Listen to the Really Very Crunchy Podcast Buy Emily's book REALLY VERY CRUNCHY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780310367529 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.what

Engaging in regular household chores is a great way for kids to develop important life skills. But how can we take the time to teach kids how to do these chores while not making laundry day any more hectic than it already is? Amy and Margaret discuss: How regular chores help kids develop important skills Why "noticing" what needs to be done is just as important as actually doing it How to pick your battles when it comes to involving little kids in chores Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Emily Rubin Persons Our Fresh Take with Michaeleen Doucleff Life Kit: Raising Kids Who Help with Chores, with Michaeleen Doucleff Morgan Music for Scary Mommy: This Mom Is Teaching Her Kids About Invisible Labor Early — Here’s How American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: Chores and Children We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ht

This month's Deep Dive series is all about family dynamics. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Are you the “bad parent” in your home? The enforcer of bedtimes, the keeper of deadlines, the stern shusher in the church pew? Or are you the “good parent,” the authority figure more likely to agree that time is a construct and that ice cream not only can, but should, be what’s for dinner? This week we’re breaking down  how this dynamic plays out in each of our homes whether the primary caregiver has to always be stuck with the Killer of Joy role how this can play out when parents are divorced how drill sergeants can ease up on the oversight how the “good time Charlies” can become more aware  As in most things, change is possible when we watch our stories. These aren’t roles that have to harden in amber and then never change. The Carrier of the Diaper Bag and The Worrier of All Potential Outcomes deserves to kick back once in a while too.  Here are links to some of resources we disc

What happens when mothers engage in the radical act of putting themselves first? Vanessa Cornell is the founder of NUSHU, a women’s community grounded in wellness and empowerment. In this interview she explains the importance of self-care for mothers, overcoming mom guilt, and nurturing children's independence. Vanessa and Amy discuss: The burnout that led Vanessa to found NUSHU Rejecting the "shoulds" as mothers (and women) and how to stay true to your authentic self How you can foster independence in your kids Here's where you can find Vanessa: www.vanessacornell.com @VanessaCornell on IG @NUSHU on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Future Fans: helping little kids become BIG fans - https://www.futurefans.com What Fresh Hell is hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts,

Today Parents is tackling this same topic this week—and our listeners' advice is quoted! Moms are challenging the idea that they are the sole keepers of holiday ‘magic’ It's hard not to feel like we've got to be doing ALL the things at the holidays, especially when social media tells us we should be. Here are some tips for taking perspective at the holidays and operating in "high magic, low effort" mode. Co-hosts Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables discuss: pre-gaming with your (older) kids about the preferred responses to less-preferred gifts starting with what family members really do love most about the holidays (their answers will surprise you) why you don't have to go the Nutcracker, or lights at the zoo, or Aunt Martha's house, this year, let alone every year SNL's "Christmas Morning" sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOVCtUdaMCU Read all of our listeners' great advice on the original Facebook thread... and here, as promised, is Amy's recipe for the Italian pepper cookies that seem to be uniq

This month's Deep Dive series is all about family dynamics. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. What are the consistent and ongoing family debates in your household? Our Facebook group came through with their most heated family debate topics, and this week we give the ultimate answer for questions like: Should dishes be rinsed clean before they go in the dishwasher? Is it acceptable to call someone after 8 pm? Is a garage for storing stuff, or for storing cars? When you're making a bed, which side is up for the flat sheet? What is the correct pronunciation of "Reese's Pieces"? Here are links to two things we discuss in this episode: Reese's Pieces ad, 1984 (note the repeated and correct pronunciation) "Doorbell" by Sebastian Maniscalco We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. mo

How do we parent when we suddenly find ourselves doing it without our partner? Charles Bock, author of the memoir I WILL DO BETTER, discusses his experiences with fatherhood, grief, and finding strength through monumental challenges. Charles Bock is the New York Times-bestselling author of the novels Beautiful Children and Alice & Oliver, and a creative writing professor at New York University. Charles and Amy discuss: Charles's initial reluctance towards fatherhood and how his perspective changed over time The roles friends and family played in supporting him and his daughter through their first years without Charles's wife Advice for writers and individuals facing creative challenges Here's where you can find Charles: www.charlesbock.net @bockity on FB Buy I WILL DO BETTER: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781419774423 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.c

Why do we think the way we think? How susceptible are we to influences we don't perceive? In the case of psychological effects, there are proven changes in thinking that occur in individuals or groups that can be attributed to particular causes. In this episode, hosts Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables get into some of their favorites, including: placebo (and "nocebo" effect near-miss effect Martha Mitchell effect observer expectancy effect name-letter effect online disinhibition effect Eaton-Rosen effect (Amy always knew this one deep in her bones) Dunning-Kruger effect Zeigarnik effect Get monthly bonus episodes PLUS our entire catalog ad-free! Visit whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. (You can keep listening in the same app you already use.) (and if you choose to support our show by listening to the ads, we are really grateful for that also!) We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals an

This month's Deep Dive series is all about family dynamics. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. If you’re part of the “sandwich generation”– taking care of your parents and your children at the same time– you’ve got a lot of company. The demographic trends of starting our own families later, and increasing life expectancies, mean this double-caretaking will become a reality for a lot more of us. And it seems that this responsibility is falling more often on women: two-thirds of people doing the "double caretaking" are female.  In this episode, we discuss how caring for parents can be particularly fraught, whether you’re giving them daily insulin shots or just trying to make sense of their finances every April.  We also discuss the importance of prioritizing our own mental and physical health, even (especially) when there seems to be little time to do so.  Finally, we talk about operating from a place of maximum vulnerability. Realize that you really are doing more than any one person can

How is it our teens find us so cringe while also depending on us for clothes, shelter, and Chipotle? Chip Leighton, author of the new book WHAT TIME IS NOON, discusses the disconnect between teens' naivete about the world and the ironclad rules of interaction they still see fit to impose upon their parents. Chip Leighton is creator of The Leighton Show, a hilarious social media platform about parenting and marriage. Its viral videos have been seen more than 250 million times. Margaret and Chip discuss: How vacation is a new location in which your teens will blame you for everything Funny mistakes teens make when it comes to cooking, driving, and traveling The "horrifying" mistakes parents make when it comes to technology Here's where you can find Chip: theleightonshow.com @The_Leighton_Show on TikTok, IG, and FB Buy WHAT TIME IS NOON: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781682689240 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current

A recent report found that the division of home responsibilities is still grossly unequal. Mothers—whether they are married or single—do significantly more than fathers. In fact, the “The Free-Time Gender Gap” report found that “simply being a woman is linked to spending more time on unpaid childcare and household work, and having less free time, even when controlling for age, income, race/ ethnicity, parental status, and marital status." What does it mean for women to have less free time, and how can we keep working to close the gender gap? Amy and Margaret discuss: The differences in socialization between men and women when it comes to our living spaces How time inequality serves to further reinforce and perpetuate gender inequality How "secondary childcare" factors into the free-time gender gap Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Natalia Vega Varela, and Leyly Moridi “The Free-Time Gender Gap: How Unpaid Care and Household Labor Reinforces Women’s Inequalit

We’re excited to share an episode of the podcast “What It’s Like to Be…” from New York Times bestselling business book author Dan Heath. In every episode, Dan interviews someone from a different profession: a cattle rancher, a FBI special agent, a professional Santa Claus. He asks what it’s like to do what they do. It’s the perfect show to listen to with your kids – it’s family safe but also gives them a preview of different careers, and the kinds of personalities that fit with the work. Is a Secret Service Agent supposed to pretend like they’re not there when they’re around the president? What does a hair stylist do when a client asks for a celebrity hairstyle that will never work for them? In the preview you’re about to hear, you’ll meet a marine biologist who studies manta rays. You’ll hear how drones have changed her work, what it’s like to get to know individual rays, and why people have such a romantic image of being a “Marine Biologist.” You can find more episode

This month's Deep Dive series is all about family dynamics. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. What makes us introverts or extroverts– and why do so many of us choose our total opposites for our parenting partners? In this episode we talk about the myths of introverts and extroverts, why opposites attract, and how to parent kids who are also your total opposites. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: The ways that introverts and extroverts solve problems How they navigate being the opposite of their partners How to advocate for your kids depending on their social orientation Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Natalie Arroyo Camacho for Well & Good: "3 Obstacles To Expect From an Introvert-Extrovert Relationship—Plus Whether It Can Work at All" Rodney B. Lawn et al: "Quiet Flourishing: The Authenticity and Well-Being of Trait Introverts Living in the West Depends on Extraversion-Deficit Beliefs" Healthline: "Are You an Extrovert? Here’s How to Tell" R.

What is the "whole-brain perspective" when it comes to parenting, and what does it mean to parent with the brain in mind? Dr. Dan Siegel, founding co-director of the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center and Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute, and author of the psychology classic THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD, explains how we can help our kids learn from difficult experiences rather than avoid them.  Dan, Amy, and Margaret discuss: What whole-brain integration means How neurodivergent brains function How parents can help their children lead balanced, meaningful, and connected lives Here's where you can find Dr. Siegel: www.drdansiegel.com @drdansiegel on social media Buy THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780553386691 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts,

What do you do that, goshdarnit, actually works exactly as advertised to make your life better? In this episode, we discuss all the early bedtimes and PT exercises that we find annoyingly effective, plus... time management tactics that are frustrating useful meal planning methods that work every time (if you do them) how to make your phone more boring—and immediately less interesting Read all of the things that unfortunately work well on the original thread in our Facebook group We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendl

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Do you worry about finding the balance between forcing your kid to keep doing activities that are good for them (that you already paid for) and not letting them be miserable all the time? How do you keep them on track academically without having to run flashcards with them about the Peloponnesian War for the billionth time? Here's what the research says about when to push our kids - and when to let sleeping (Peloponnesian) dogs lie. A listener in our Facebook group asks: "How do you decide when to push your kids? Like when to go from YMCA basketball to the travel team. Or when to go from regular school to the accelerated program, or the private school that's more rigorous. When to apply for the stretch school or the internship? We don't want to ruin hobbies or turn the stress up to 11, obviously. So how do you know which knob to

How can we help our kids prepare to move from a structured high school/ home environment to the less structured and more independent college environment? It starts earlier than you think! Emily Rubin Persons, founder of SKIP Coaching, explains how to help kids build the skills they need from a young age. Emily is a certified ADHD Coach who works with students and adults to build their executive skills and learn to do things in a way that works for their brain. Here's where you can find Emily: www.skipcoaching.com @SKIPcoaching on IG @EmilyRubinPersons on LinkedIn We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development,

What do we do as parents when our kids aren't great at making friends, or their friends are outgrowing them, or we feel that their friends are a bad influence? Sometimes, we're not supposed to do anything at all. Sometimes our kids really need our support. How can we tell the difference? In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: what might contribute to trouble making friends the skills kids can develop to become better friends what to do when you don't like your kid's friends Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Michelle Icard for CNN: Parents ‘should be seen and not heard’ when it comes to kids and their friendships Parenting.org: My Child Has No Friends Julia Morrill for Health Matters: How Parents Can Help Their Kids Make Friends Lexi Walters Wright for Understood.org: 4 skills for making friends  Claire McCarthy for Harvard Health Publishing: Helping children make friends: What parents can do Kelsey Borresen for HuffPost: What To Do If You Don’t Like Y

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Does competition have benefits? What level of competition is healthy for our kids? Many of us agree that the stereotypical dad yelling through the fence at T-Ball is taking things a little too seriously. But others say that participation trophies teach our kids to be lazy and therefore represent the ultimate downfall of our civilization. How do we balance the eye of the tiger with just letting our kids play? In this episode we get to the bottom of why some people are more competitive than others, what the right age is for kids to start learning the lessons of losing, and how competition (when it's done right) can actually teach cooperation and self-regulation. Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: 'Shirtless Tongan' Pita Taufatofua makes Olympic history Evolution of competitiveness: Scient

As moms, we're often given tons of societal pressure on how we have to give our kids all the right things—then told to "chill out" when it comes to the worrying part. Gabrielle Blair, author of the new book THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, is here to tell us that adulthood doesn't look like it used to, and that there are many paths to the success and happiness that all our kids deserve. Gabrielle Blair is the the founder of DesignMom.com and the author of the New York Times blockbuster bestseller Ejaculate Responsibly. Gabrielle, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How the idea of the "reliable path to success" is actually harmful for a lot of parents and kids Simple (and free/cheap) ways to use your home to create the family life you want Why Gabrielle disagrees with the "you only get 18 summers" rhetoric that permeates parenting circles Here's where you can find Gabrielle: designmom.com @designmom on IG #thekidsareallright #thekidsareallrightbook Buy THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523526

In a recent study, women who saw their homes as "cluttered" had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who reported more well-organized, restful spaces. But for some of us, the stress of trying to be neat feels harder than any occasional shame or confusion that messiness might cause. Does messy matter? Does it matter the same for everyone? How can you know when it's just your baseline versus when it's creating a real problem? Amy and Margaret discuss: How to know when clutter is causing a problem for you and your family Things that can get in the way of our ability to declutter How to focus on function, not aesthetics, when it comes to decluttering Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Chris Fleming: "We Can't Let People Know We Sit!!!!" Barbara Brody for WebMD: "How Clutter Can Affect Your Health" Sarah Bourassa for The Huffington Post: "6 Reasons You Might Be Messy That Have Nothing To Do With Laziness" Shannon Doyne for The New York Times: "Is Clutt

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Every kid will experience some kind of rejection, and some will have an easier time of it than others. How do we validate our kids' feelings while giving them the tools to move through the pain of rejection? As it turns out, sometimes the best ways to help our kids deal with rejection involve getting out of the way of the growth that can result. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kid Friend Breakups Fresh Take with Taylor Harris Fresh Take with Lisa Heffernan What Should I Do When My Child Doesn't Make the Team? Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be by Frank Bruni We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting

How can we get our kids cooking with us (or even FOR us) in the kitchen? Mark Bittman, longtime chef, food writer, and author of the new book HOW TO COOK EVERYTHING: KIDS, has some incredibly simple tips for bringing kids into the cooking process. Mark Bittman is the author of more than thirty books, including the How to Cook Everything series. Over his long career at The New York Times, Bittman wrote for both the food and opinion pages. Mark, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why this cookbook is for novice adult cooks, too The really simple ways to get picky eaters to start to branch out Why cooking with your kids is about so much more than getting dinner on the table Here's where you can find Mark:  bittmanproject.com @markbittman on social media Buy HOW TO COOK EVERYTHING - KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780544790322 mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help

How has Halloween become a days-long, massively involved and expensive holiday? What happened to the good old days of stumbling around the neighborhood in a Barbie mask you could barely breathe in with a pillowcase full of candy? Here's how Halloween went from just spooky to spooky consumerist. Amy and Margaret discuss: How Halloween has lost its truly spooky nature over the years The origins of the Switch Witch Their favorite Halloween costumes growing up Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Paige Pickett for Kids Out and About: Mom Saves Halloween for her Son with the Switch Witch Primary Kids' Costumes Melissa Willets for Parents Magazine: Is the Switch Witch Brewing Up Some Controversy This Halloween? Maura Judkis for Boston.com: With huge skeletons, the yard-decorating arms race heats up Lori Ferraro for LikeTotally80s.com: The Mask Makes It - Halloween Costumes of the 1980s National Retail Federation: Halloween Spending to Reach Record $12.2 Billion as Par

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. There are benefits to our kids' making mistakes, even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard. Some kids have tons of flexibility and safety around trying new things, around failing. Others not so much. In this episode we discuss: how the brain lights up when a mistake is made, paying extra attention why being very wrong about a fact once ensures you will always remember it thereafter the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset– and how mistakes encourage the latter Carol Dweck and what she calls the power of "not yet" how we can make our homes "mistake-friendly environments" Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Claudia Wallis for Mind/Shift: Why Mistakes Matter in Creating A Path For Learning Dr. Janet Metcalfe, Columbia University: “Learning from Err

Right now our society feels more polarized than ever. We don't agree on much—and sometimes the people we disagree with most are the ones who are closest to us. This week, we talk about how to handle those difficult relationships and conversations with Brit Barron, author of the new book DO YOU STILL TALK TO GRANDMA? Brit Barron is a highly sought after speaker on the topics of sexuality, spirituality, race, storytelling, and personal development. In this interview, Brit, Margaret, and Amy discuss: Why our brains are attracted to binary thinking— and we can become stuck in it How the biological imperative to find "cognitive closure" can shut us off from new ideas Why the knee-jerk reaction to write off those with whom we disagree online gets more complicated when we apply those rules to some of the people we love most How to get more humble about the things we might not know (yet) Here's where you can find Brit: www.britbarron.com @britbarron on IG Buy DO YOU STILL TALK TO GRANDMA: https://booksho

In September 2024 the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, issued an Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents. In it, he declares the mental health and well-being of parents an urgent public health issue. In this episode we discuss the revealing research included in this report, stating that parents consistently report higher levels of stress compared to other adults.  But is parenting really more stressful than ever? This advisory certainly highlights many reasons why it just might be: the increasing costs of childcare and housing, the increasing hours parents spend at work, the increasing anxiety around guns and our kids’ safety at school, and the unrealistic expectations created by what the report calls a “culture of comparison.”  We think making a change requires more than parents looking on the bright side—we need societal changes and better support systems like paid family leave. We can also all do more to foster a culture that values and supports parents, ensuring their well

This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Youth is wasted on the young. We wasted our youth taking the wrong classes in college and layering imaginary agendas onto other people's dopey behavior. Sound familiar? We asked our listeners: If you could time travel, what advice would you give your younger self? Here's the best advice we all learned from doing things the wrong way! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisib

What does it really mean to raise resilient kids, and where do we start? Dr. Tovah Klein, Director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development and a psychology professor at Barnard College at Columbia University, is also the author of the new book RAISING RESILIENCE. Tovah's book explains why we might have to look inward first when attempting to raise children who can handle life's challenges. In this interview, Tovah, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The psychological underpinnings of the common parental desire to smooth over even minor difficulties in our kids' lives How to act as both anchor and container for our kids The five pillars of kids' resilience, and what we can do to support each Here's where you can find Tovah Klein: www.tovahklein.com @tovahklein on IG and X @howtoddlersthrive on FB www.linkedin.com/in/tovah-klein Buy RAISING RESILIENCE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063286566 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and c

Amy's book Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser is coming in January 2025. Pre-order your copy! How important is it to teach our kids the manners that we ourselves learned as children? Which social niceties should we keep up with and which ones should we discard? In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: How manners have sometimes been used as gatekeeping tools in the past What to do when you disagree with other grownups about the manners that matter for your kids Why we think the manners that center kindness are the ones that really matter Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Tamar Adler for The New York Times: "A Manners Manifesto" Sophie Kiderlin for CNBC's Make It: "Americans are least likely to care about kids having good manners. Here’s what they prioritize instead" Clare Finney for Vogue: "Gen-Z Doesn’t Care About Table Manners. So What?" David Lowry for Parents.com: "22 Simple Manners All Kids Should Know" We love the sponsors that make this sh

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. What’s no longer interesting to you? How has your life been improved simply by no longer caring about something the world definitely thinks you should?  The key here is no longer interesting. James Bond movies and auto parts probably never made the list in the first place. We’re talking stuff you turned your back on after having cared perhaps a little too much. Which isn’t to say you don’t get pushback when you put things down. Just because *you* stop being interested in what’s for dinner doesn’t mean other small denizens of your home are going to stop asking you. Just because you stop caring about the scale doesn’t mean your siste

We're so glad to be talking to Kendra Adachi again this week. Kendra is the host of the Lazy Genius Podcast and the two-time New York Times bestselling author of The Lazy Genius Way and The Lazy Genius Kitchen. In this interview, we discuss what Kendra calls "compassionate time management" and her newest book, The PLAN: Manage Your Time Like a Lazy Genius. Kendra shares insights on productivity, pivoting in the face of unexpected life events, and the pitfalls of traditional time management. "The Plan" emphasizes a more holistic and compassionate approach geared towards women's realities. Its key principles include starting from where you are, accessing softness, and making small adjustments. We are so here for it! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Amy's book Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser is coming in January 2025. Pre-order your copy! Parenting is a series of everyday battles. But which ones are truly worth fighting? In this episode we discuss the Sisyphean nature of the overuse of the word 'like', to a cleaned-up playroom, to the unending struggle of getting tweens to wear pants—and which of these battles might be 1) winnable and 2) worth the work. Some things really do matter for the long-term success of our kids (and peace of our households); some might be worth letting go in order to let our kids have that win once in a while. In this episode, we unpack how to tell the difference. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles,

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. What's your "wow, that was so me” story? What is something you did as a kid that exemplifies exactly who you are now? Amy was taking charge at grownup parties as a six-year-old. Margaret was getting her comedy censored in grade school. Neither of these things, in retrospect, seem 1% surprising. In this episode, we discuss some of our listeners' hilarious recollections of their younger selves, plus a few stories of our own– and a few more about our kids, who have also displayed their personalities early and often. Whether you were a Halloween-candy-counter or a neighborhood Encyclopedia Brown, you'll probably recognize your younger self in thi

American public policy rests on the premise that childcare is distinct from education. Dr. Dan Wuori, author of the new book THE DAYCARE MYTH, explains how and why we should rethink the education of very young children. Dr. Dan Wuori is an early childhood educator and policy consultant, known across the globe for his social media feeds @danwuori, which pair daily lessons in child development with adorable video examples. In this interview, Amy and Dr. Wuori discuss the importance of early childhood education and the misconceptions surrounding daycare. Dan emphasizes that every moment is a teachable moment for children and that their early development is crucial. He also highlights the need for stable and nurturing relationships with highly engaged adults in early childhood settings. The conversation explores the impact of quality early childhood education on long-term outcomes and the economic benefits of investing in young children. Dan provides actionable takeaways for parents and policymakers, including vi

There is no magic formula to making the perfect decision every time, but there are philosophical principles, or "razors," you can use to pare down your options and see your problem more clearly. These razors can cut through the clutter of complexity and help us see the forest for the trees. And while they weren't designed with parents in mind, they can come in pretty handy! Starting with the most famous, Occam’s Razor, we discuss how paring away unlikely hypotheticals leads to the most accurate solutions. Next, we delve into Hanlon’s Razor, which reminds us to avoid attributing malicious intent when there’s a simpler explanation. This principle can help us avoid unnecessary conflict and foster understanding, especially in relationships. Then we discuss Hitchens’ Razor, which places the burden of proof on the person making the claim. This can be a valuable tool for evaluating arguments and avoiding baseless assertions. We also explore Chesterton’s Fence, which encourages us to be cautious about chang

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Have you ever figured out a thing and thought everyone must know about this? In this episode we discuss the things that we (and our listeners) have figured out about how to pack freezer organization deciding once (this idea is from the Lazy Genius, and this Instagram thread is full of lazy genius) making yourself want to clean a messy room recognizing your best day deciding where things belong unloading a dishwasher always knowing what’s for dinner finishing what you start snack stashes making lists and how to discern between good ideas for somebody, and good ideas for you We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can

As parents, we've probably heard the term "attachment style.” But what does it really mean? Eli Harwood, author of the new book RAISING SECURELY ATTACHED KIDS, discusses practical parenting strategies for creating secure attachments with our kids. Eli and Margaret discuss: How we define secure attachment and why it's important The four different child attachment patterns Why it's never too late to start repairing relationships with our kids Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist who has been nerding out on attachment research for the past two decades and is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one relationship at a time.  Here's where you can find Eli: https://attachmentnerd.com @attachmentnerd on IG/TikTok/Facebook #raisingsecurelyattachedkids Buy RAISING SECURELY ATTACHED KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781632175465 What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t

How can we empower our kids to cope with negative feelings without our help? Here's why disappointment is an important part of childhood and how to build scaffolding for their emotional regulation. Amy and Margaret discuss: How the purpose of having children has changed over the last century Why disappointment is developmentally important How to be a guide, not a fixer, for our kids Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Jim Taylor for Psychology Today: Parenting: Disappointment Is Good Katie Hurley for PBS Kids Parenting: How to Help Kids Cope With Disappointment THE GIFT OF FAILURE by Jess Lahey: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780062299253 Meghan Rabbitt for Parents Magazine: How to Help Kids Deal With Disappointment RAISING RESILIENT CHILDREN by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein  Emily Edlynn for Parents Magazine: How Do I Help My Mad Toddler Express Anger in a Healthier Way? Our Fresh Take with Jessica Lahey Our Fresh Take with Katie Hurley What Fresh Hell Podc

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. What did adulthood mean to you when you were growing up? Staying up late? Doing algebra every day? Stopping, dropping, and rolling at least once a week? We asked our listeners what they thought would come in handy or plague them daily when they grew up. Amy and Margaret discuss: "Oops! All Berries" Cap'n Crunch cereal Chunky statement pieces How to get the upper hand in "Jeopardy" Here's the original thread in our Facebook group where we asked this question Sign up for our newsletter!  We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https:

Kids sometimes lose their cool, and it can be easy to lose ours while trying to help them. Carla Naumburg, author of the new book HOW TO STOP FREAKING OUT, discusses why kids freak out, how we can help them, and how we as parents can keep our cool. Carla Naumburg is a clinical social worker, and a mother. She’s the author of four non-fiction books, including her international bestseller, How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids, as well as You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent. Carla and Amy discuss: Why the point of Carla's book is not for kids to stop freaking out all together Why kids (and all of us) are wired to occasionally freak out How we as parents can keep calm when our kids are freaking out Here's where you can find Carla: www.carlanaumburg.com @carlanaumburg on IG @CarlaGeorge22 on Twitter @cnaumburg on Facebook Buy HOW TO STOP FREAKING OUT What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We

So many of us spend hours chauffeuring our kids back and forth to their myriad activities. Why are kids so overloaded with activities these days, and can we get off of this ride? Here are some parenting strategies for navigating this issue. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why kids are so overscheduled these days How overscheduling really affects kids, beyond the mom guilt-inducing headlines What questions to ask when assessing if our kids are overscheduled Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Dr Shimi King: Overscheduling Your Kids Isn’t the Fast-Track to Success it Once Was Solution Health: Overbooked Kids: The Overscheduled Crisis Anna Nordberg for Slate: The Fine Art of Underscheduling Jill Barshay for Mind Shift: Overscheduling Kids’ Lives Causes Depression and Anxiety, Study Finds Carolina Caetano, et. al for Economics of Education Review: Are children spending too much time on enrichment activities? What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeas

This month's Deep Dive series is about flouting parenting rules and advice that don't work for us. Listen to a Spotify playlist of all the episodes in the series here. Who makes the parenting rules? And how bendable are they? From picky eaters to sleep routines to playing outside, we all have to navigate the line between what we supposedly should and shouldn't allow as parents. But sometimes it's okay to break the rules if it works for you and your family. Amy and Margaret dive into the details in this listener-driven episode. In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss: The different types of parenting rules Which parenting rules they have broken "YOYO" dinners Other episodes we mention: Amee Severson on Intuitive Eating Ask Amy: Helping Kids Deal with Comparison and Envy  Christina Martin on How Children Learn Through Play What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go bac

How do we raise our daughters to feel empowered, rather than helpless, in the face of gender bias? Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD, author of the new book SEXISM AND SENSIBILITY, offers parenting tips to prepare our girls for the modern world. Dr. Finkelstein, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The limits of the "girl power" line of thinking How to teach girls what is and isn't in their control when it comes to sexism How to recognize and combat sexism in our own parenting Here's where you can find Dr. Finkelstein: www.joannfinkelstein.com @joannfinkelstein.phd on IG/TikTok Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD - Author on FB @finkeljo on Twitter Buy SEXISM AND SENSIBILITY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593581162 What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the specia

Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group: My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help! In this episode, we explain why these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature. These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to lock everything down because your kid will be a tornado forever. But they also don't mean mean you need to become the 24/7 punching bag for your dysregulated kid. Here's what to do instead. Here are links to some

Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  Getting-ready playlists? Choosing outfits the night before? Bringing snacks to the pickup line? We asked our audience about their favorite back-to-school tips... and we also allowed some venting about back-to-school craziness. Amy and Margaret discuss: To make lunch or not to make lunch How to keep outfits clean at breakfast The best time to grocery shop Here are links to resources mentioned in the episode: Read the full Facebook thread here and if you're not already part of our amazing group, you can join at www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast! Watch the short film Amy mentions: "How Was Your Day?" directed by Allison Hadar and Maddie Corman What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join

Today we’re sharing an episode from another parenting podcast we think our listeners will really appreciate. It’s called “In It: Raising Kids who Learn Differently.” This podcast offers perspective, stories, and useful takeaways for parents of kids with challenges in reading, math, focus, and other learning differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. This is an episode called "After the Diagnosis: How Kids Feel About Their Learning and Thinking Differences." To listen to more episodes, search for “In It: Raising Kids who Learn Differently” in your podcast app. Listen to "In It" here: https://lnk.to/initunderstoodFD!whatfreshhell What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour  We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https

How can we talk about America’s ongoing legacy of racism without sliding into despair? In his new memoir HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND, Esau McCaulley tells his own story—and questions why Black failure is judged collectively, while Black success is perceived as the merit of an individual. Rev. Esau McCaulley, PhD, is an author and associate professor of New Testament at Wheaton College. His work has been published in The New York Times, The Atlantic, the Washington Post, and Christianity Today. Esau and Amy discuss: Why "escaping poverty" is a misleading term How experiences that set the context for heroic bravery also create the possibility for failure What caused Esau to change his definition of justice Here's where you can find Esau: www.esaumccaulley.com @OfficialEsauMcCaulley on Facebook @esaumccaulley on Twitter on Instagram Buy HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241080 What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join

We've all been there: our kid asks us what heaven is like, and whether dogs can go there too. Or why some people are homeless. Or why that person over there doesn't look like other people. Sometimes we rush to smooth things over, or chastise them for what is probably honest curiosity. Other times we overexplain, answering with a confusing lecture when what they really wanted was reassurance. In this episode, we talk about how to find the best balance. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Cory Turner and Anya Kamenetz for NPR's Life Kit: When Kids Ask (Really) Tough Questions: A Quick Guide Our Fresh Take with Britt Hawthorne discussing kids' "curious questions" Danielle S. McLaughlin for the Huffington Post: Having Difficult Conversations With Kids What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour We l

This month's Deep Dive series is about flouting parenting rules and advice that don't work for us. Listen to a Spotify playlist of all the episodes in the series here. We asked our listeners to tell us all the things that others might call crazy but which totally work for them. From packing the laundry to eating the same lunch every day for five years to toothbrushes in the kitchen, these are the ideas that don't sound so crazy, come to think of it. Following us on Instagram? Join the fun! http://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour  We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts

The task of feeding kids "the right foods" can give parents a lot of anxiety. Jill Castle, author of the new book KIDS THRIVE AT EVERY SIZE, explains how we can set our kids up with healthy eating habits they'll maintain for life. Jill Castle is a pediatric dietitian and childhood nutritionist, founder of The Nourished Child®, and the host of the Nourished Child podcast. In this interview, Jill and Margaret discuss: The 8 Pillars of Wellness: Family Culture, Sleep, Movement, Feeding, Eating, Food, Screens, and Self-Love Useful tips for fostering your child's healthy relationship with food What we often get wrong about the relationship between a child's size and their health Here's where you can find Jill: jillcastle.com @pediRD on X @i.am.pedird on IG @thenourishedchild on FB @JillCastle on YouTube Buy THE NOURISHED CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523521838 What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring al

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour We asked our listeners for their randomest, most tenuous claims to fame, and as usual, they delivered. Whether it's first place in a two-person pie-eating contest, or dating someone just four degrees removed from the Real Housewives of New Jersey, here are their stories. Join our Facebook group to see the thread with all of our listeners' randomest claims to fame! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, chi

This month's Deep Dive series is about flouting parenting rules and advice that don't work for us. Listen to a Spotify playlist of all the episodes in the series here. Are you a rule breaker or a rule follower? Are you married to your opposite? We're both rule followers, and when one builds a life with someone who sees the "NO DOGS IN THE LAKE" sign as an invitation to let the golden retriever go for a swim, one is caught between two bad choices: swallow the horrible anxiety that others might think *you* are the sort of person who has zero consideration for clearly posted signage, or be the stick in the mud who can never loosen up a little. In this episode we discuss why both kinds of people exist, and bump up against each other– and why the "no rules pool" isn't as fun as it sounds how rules limit possibilities, good and bad why humans tend to create more rules during and after times of struggle whether kids are born to be rule followers It's worth the struggle to find the balance for our families.

Judith Warner’s book AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME: MAKING SENSE OF MIDDLE SCHOOL investigates what can be a truly painful period in any adolescent's life. Warner explains that our "personal fable" is deeply affected by our own experiences during that developmental period, even if our memories may rely on flawed or incomplete information. That matters because it can affect how we parent our tweens as they enter the middle school stage themselves. Are parents sometimes inadvertently reinforcing the narrative that middle school is a Thunderdome of social aggression? In this interview, Judith tells Amy the history of middle school, the brain science behind its intensity, and what parents can do to make their children's path through these years an easier one. Buy AND THEN THEY STOPPED TALKING TO ME: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781101905890 What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wa

Every kid is afraid of something. Sometimes their fears make sense; sometimes their extreme anxiety over every ant that crosses their path can seem a little excessive. But our job isn't to make sure our kids never see ants; our job is to help them learn to navigate those feelings on their own. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: Why kids facing their fears is an appropriate part of their emotional development Why just our presence, when they're feeling fear, can be a great support How more anxious parents tend to create more fearful children—and what to do about it Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Lior Abramson et. al for Developmental Science: "The effects of parental presence on amygdala and mPFC activation during fear conditioning: An exploratory study" Dr. Cara Goodwin for Parenting Translator: "New Study Alert: Your Presence Matters More Than You Think" NYU Langone Health: "Proven Strategies for Anxious Parents Who May Pass Their Anxiety on to Their

This month's Deep Dive series is about setting aside the parenting rules and advice that just don't work for us. Listen to a Spotify playlist of all the episodes in the series here. As soon as you become a mother, unsolicited advice-givers are everywhere, telling you to “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Or “it gets easier.” Or “enjoy every moment.” Out of all the advice (parenting and otherwise) that we and our listeners have ever received, here is a selection of the very worst. What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour  We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, paren

You hear that parenting teens is a wild ride. But as Amy Betters-Midtvedt, author of the new book YOU'LL MAKE IT (AND THEY WILL TOO), says, it can also be baffling: “So much weirdness comes when they go back-and-forth between staying their old selves and becoming their new ones. Conflict will suddenly flow out of nowhere over nothing.” But you'll make it. And they will too. Amy Betters-Midtvedt is a Today Parenting contributing author with more than a million readers and twenty-five years of experience working with adolescents and families. In this episode, she and Amy Wilson discuss Why teens are constantly flipping from cuddly to crabby Why we owe it to our kids to be the best versions of ourselves When texting—or GIFs—is the best way to communicate Here's where you can find Amy Betters-Midtvedt: amybettersmidtvedt.com FB: @Amy Betters-Midtvedt TikTok: @hidingwithcoffee  IG: @Amy.Betters-Midtvedt X:@amymidtvedt Buy YOU'LL MAKE IT (AND THEY WILL TOO): https://bookshop.org/a/12099/97805936

It's easy to compare our parenting—often as measured by our kids' achievements—with their peers' achievements. As in, how other parents might be doing it better. This week, we're talking parenting tips for resisting “mompetition”— and how we can use comparison to create healthy perspectives instead of "compare and despair." Amy and Margaret discuss: Why competition is a biological imperative The effects of social media and other societal forces on parenting How to know if we're putting too much pressure on our kids Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Matthew Hutson for The Atlantic: "Why We Compete" Aruna Raghuram for ParentCircle: "Are you a competitive mom? Here are the many ways in which mompetition can harm your child" Urban Dictionary definition of "mompetition" Eileen Kennedy-Moore for Psychology Today: "How to Resist Competitive Parenting" What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the p

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into letting things go—arguments, unattainable standards, you name it! You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. It's hard to admit things aren't perfect. It's especially hard for moms. Psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett described three types of perfectionism in the 1990s: self-directed (I must be a size 2), others-directed (do that piano exercise again until you get it right), and "socially mediated" perfectionism, which comes from society making unrealistic demands of a person or a group and punishing that person when she falls short. Sound familiar? Turns out the amount of socially mediated perfectionism a parent feels is directly related to her level of "parental burnout," defined as exhaustion in one’s role as a parent, feelings of being fed up as a parent, and even emotional distancing from one’s children. Not the place any of us want to get to. So why is it so hard to admit things aren't perfect? And how can we star

We know climate change affects not only our children's health but their future. So what can we as individuals do? Debra Hendrickson is a board-certified pediatrician practicing in Reno, Nevada, and a Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Nevada School of Medicine. She is also the author of the author of the new book THE AIR THEY BREATHE: A PEDIATRICIAN ON THE FRONT LINES OF CLIMATE CHANGE. In this interview, Margaret and Debra discuss: How climate change is affecting the health of children Why we should not feel completely defeated when it comes to reversing climate change Small steps we as individuals can take to reduce carbon emissions and keep our kids safe Here's where you can find Debra: https://debrahendrickson.com/ #TheAirTheyBreathe Buy THE AIR THEY BREATHE What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhell

What are the best things about having closely spaced siblings? What about farther apart? Siblings' closeness, amount of conflict, and relationships as adults are all affected by the age differences between them. In this episode, the listeners with closely spaced children tell us why that has worked for them (constant playmates) and not (constant bickering), while those with kids with larger age differences point to the unexpected connections that can still result. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Michael Waters for The Atlantic: A Subtle Shift Shaking Up Sibling Relationships ANALYZING CONTEMPORARY FERTILITY by Christine R. Schwartz et. al: Chapter 10: Trends in Years Spent as Mothers of Young Children: The Role of Completed Fertility, Birth Spacing, and Multiple Partner Fertility Bart H. H. Golsteyn and Cécile A. J. Magnée for the IZA Institute of Labor Economics: Does Birth Spacing Affect Personality? World Bank Group, "World Population Prospects: 2022 Revision:" F

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into letting things go—arguments, unattainable standards, you name it! You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Having the same fight doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. But it is totally annoying. In this episode we discuss the modes of negativity at play when we repeat the same conflicts- and what we can do to break the cycle, whether it’s our partners or kids. Conflict may be unavoidable- but it can be at least a little more productive. Here are links to some of the takes on this topic that we discuss in this episode: We The Norths on YouTube: How We Avoid Stupid Fights: The Number System Esther Perel for Cosmopolitan: How to Stop Having the Same Fight With Your Boyfriend All the Time Kristine Fellizar for Bustle: 7 Hacks To Avoid Having The Same Fight Over & Over In Your Relationship Charlotte Latvala for Good Housekeeping: More Fun, Less Fighting Ted Lasso on Apple TV Eckhart Tolle on Oprah Super Sunday: How

Do you and your partner find yourselves talking past each other when arguing? Erin and Stephen Mitchell, authors of the new book TOO TIRED TO FIGHT, discuss how parenting can impact relationships (including their own!) and strategies to manage conflict and stay connected.  Erin and Stephen Mitchell are the cofounders of Couples Counseling for Parents, a company focused on providing access to research-informed, psychologically sound online education for couples. Amy, Erin, and Stephen discuss: Why fighting between couples often increases once kids come into the picture What conflict in a relationship really signifies—and why it's not a bad thing Why conflict resolution doesn't have to be dead serious all the time Here's where you can find Erin and Stephen: www.couplescounselingforparents.com Buy TOO TIRED TO FIGHT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593714270 Listen to the "Couples Counselling for Parents" podcast What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us

Is "helicopter parenting" actually a definable thing? Or is it just what we call parents who are being annoying? Overparenting is something that it's easy to be judgey about in other people, and a lot harder to identify in ourselves. Parents have to help. It's what we're there for. So how do we manage without micromanaging? In this episode, we discuss: The conditions that trigger parental anxiety (probably the true cause of overattentive parenting) Allowing struggles and disappointments to be part of our kids' journeys How to discern for yourself if you're maybe helicoptering more than helping Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kate Bayless for Parents Magazine: "What Is Helicopter Parenting, And How Does It Impact Kids?" Julia Schønning Vigdal and Kolbjørn Kallesten Brønnick for Frontiers in Psychology: "A Systematic Review of “Helicopter Parenting” and Its Relationship With Anxiety and Depression" Our Fresh Take with Camilo Ortiz What Fresh Hell Podcast i

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into letting things go—arguments, unattainable standards, you name it! You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. What if we didn't let other people's judgments change our game plans—as women, as mothers, and as humans? We're wired to pay attention to what other people think. There's a reason those judgments can be painful. Are there ways we can break free and care less? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss... Why our innate need to be included (and not ostracized) is hard-wired The "behavioral inhibition system" and how it gets triggered Whose feelings and judgments we should take into account Why parenting is an especially problematic zone for others' judgments of us Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode "Parenting With An Audience" Governor J.B. Pritzker's speech to the 2023 graduates of Northwestern University: "The kindest person in the room is often the smartest." Rachel M

Is screen use a daily battle of wills in your house? Emily Cherkin, author of the new book "THE SCREENTIME SOLUTION: A Judgment-Free Guide to Becoming a Tech-Intentional Family," explains how to model a healthy relationship with tech for our kids. Emily Cherkin, MEd., consults with parents, offers school presentations and professional development training, and brings her tech-intentional approach to as many people as possible. Emily and Margaret discuss: What "tech-intentional" really means and how it's different from being screen-free How to align screen use with family values How to model tech intentionality with your kids Here's where you can find Emily: http://www.thescreentimeconsultant.com Instagram: @thescreentimeconsultant Facebook: @thescreentimeconsultant X: @ScreentimeLlc Buy THE SCREENTIME SOLUTION: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798886451122 Listen to our Fresh Take with Julie Lythcott-Haims What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a li

Does it seem like just as much work to leave your kids behind for a couple of days as not to go in the first place? Do your instructions for family operational procedures during your absence run more than five pages?  Getting away from our kids—for work, for the weekend, for a friend’s 40th—isn’t just good for us. It’s also an opportunity for our kids to realize that “only Mommy” stuff they pull when we’re around is not as necessary as they might have thought. Margaret and Amy discuss: Why our kids may behave better when we aren’t around (and why it's not a bad thing) Why the best time to call your kids when you travel is in the morning How the instructions you leave behind can change as your kids grow Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kari Bodnarchuk for The Boston Globe: Preparing Kids for When a Parent Travels Smart Women Travelers: Keeping Mom’s Business Trip from Being Mom’s Guilt Trip Our episode "We Forgot What Little Kids Were Like"

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into letting things go—arguments, unattainable standards, you name it! You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. When you're locked in a battle of tug-o-war it can be extremely exhausting to keep up the fight. But there is a solution: dropping the rope. It may seem counterintuitive, but when you're in the middle of a conflict you've had many times before—when you're fighting for something that seems very important, or at least obvious—and then suddenly drop the rope, you're allowing the space for something different to occur. Here are the links to the resources we mentioned in the episode: Jen Lumanlan for Your Parenting Mojo: "Want to stop playing Tug of War with your child?" Our Fresh Take with Dr. Jill Stoddard on How to Manage Our Anxiety Our bookshop! What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go

Jo Piazza wears a lot of hats: author, podcast host, award-winning journalist, mom. In this episode we talk about them all! We're big fans of her sexy thriller THE SICILIAN INHERITANCE and her podcast Under the Influence (now part of Adalyst Media!) Jo's interests are wide-ranging and so is this conversation. We cover: How Jo's experience solving a century-old murder in her family inspired her book Why Jo and Amy are apparently cousins Jo's advice for parents who are just entering the world of social media with their kids Here's where you can find Jo: www.jopiazza.com @jopiazzaauthor on IG @jopiazza on X Listen to "Under the Influence," an Adalyst Media podcast! Listen to "The Sicilian Inheritance" podcast Buy THE SICILIAN INHERITANCE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593474167 What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhellt

Time for some easy wins! Here of some of our (and our listeners') favorite hacks for naptime diapers laundry kitchen sibling squabbles and General Sanity Preservation. This stuff really works! The Lazy Genius (Kendra Adachi's) principle: Decide Once What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible

Danielle Friedman's recent New York Times article says it all: "The Constant Work to Keep a Family Connected Has a Name." That work is kinkeeping. Sociologist Carolyn Rosenthal defined kinkeeping as "someone who works at keeping family members in touch with one another." Every lucky extended family has a kinkeeper, and yes, it's usually a woman. Perhaps that's why the work of kinkeeping can be dismissed as silly and unimportant, even by the same people who reap its benefits. Margaret and Amy discuss: How kinkeepers help their families live longer How to get support if you're the kinkeeper How to offer support if you're not Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our interview with Eve Rodsky: "Changing the Invisible Workload" Molly West's TikTok video on kinkeeping Frank Bruni for the NYT: "Tolstoy and Miss Daisy" Danielle Friedman for the NYT: "The Constant Work to Keep a Family Connected Has a Name" Carolyn J. Rosenthal for The Journal of Marriage and Family: "Kinkeepi

Margaret "Maggie" Quinlan and Bethany Johnson are the co-authors of the book You’re Doing it Wrong! Mothering, Media and Medical Expertise. This book investigates the history of mothering advice in the media, from the 19th century to today, and the processes by which mothering has been defined, from getting pregnant to being pregnant to giving birth to whether "that baby" needs a hat on. Like most moms, Maggie and Bethany questioned their own parenting decisions because they understood their choices would be met with scrutiny exercised in few other arenas. They suggest that the first step to freeing ourselves from the socially prescribed perfectionism of motherhood is to realize that no matter what you decide, there will always be someone telling you "you're doing it wrong." Margaret "Maggie" Quinlan is a Professor of Communication at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. She explores how communication creates, resists and transforms knowledges about bodies, and critiques power structures that ma

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour Rooms where no one was allowed to go? Saving up phone minutes? Opening one kind of cereal at a time? What odd rules did we once live by that we can't imagine following now? Amy and Margaret discuss: The Good Room Snuggies Peek Freans Links to references in this episode: The Onion: Bloodthirsty, Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate-Cereal Consumption "Certain things are for company" - comedian Sebastian Maniscalco "Company is Coming" - comedian Chris Fleming Peek Freans Follow us on Threads @whatfreshhellcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour Why is it that summer never seems to be the picture-perfect, sun-washed experience we want for our kids? Amy helps a listener ditch her mom guilt over not providing her kids with the "perfect" summer. "I have the end of summer scaries. Or end of summer mom guilt. I feel so bummed that I have spent most of the summer in survival mode instead of really enjoying it with my children. I probably have seen way too many of those "you only get 18 summers" posts. My oldest starts first grade in two weeks and I feel like I completely failed. I wish we had spent more time swimming, riding bikes, all of that quintessential summer stuff. Instead, I feel like I've spent most of it breaking up fights with his 4 year old brother, keeping the 18 month old from injuring himself, and saying "no" to eve

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour How can we be responsive, rather than reactive, when our child misbehaves? Chazz Lewis, host of the podcast Learning Curve with Mr. Chazz, explains practical steps for navigating our children's behavior issues with empathy and compassion, rather than judgement. Mr. Chazz is an educator, speaker, and activist. With over 1.5 million followers across social media, Mr. Chazz has helped countless parents and teachers navigate the challenges and triumphs of raising and teaching children. Margaret and Mr. Chazz discuss: The one thing that can really help a child who comes from a troubled home The five steps for a conscious-based parenting approach Simple mantras to keep in mind for a healthy perspective on parenting Here's where you can find Mr. Chazz: mrchazz.com @mrchazz on IG @mrchazz

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour Most of us have either experienced—or refereed—sibling rivalry. So what do we do when our kids are constantly at each other's throats? Why do they fight constantly, and how do we get them to stop? In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss: How parents consciously and unconsciously contribute to sibling rivalry How to know what's normal sibling rivalry and what's harmful bullying When to step in and when to let your kids work it out themselves Why treating your kids fairly is not the same as treating them equally Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Rob Quinn for Newser: This Bird Takes Sibling Rivalry to Extremes Claire McCarthy for Harvard Health Publishing: Sibling rivalry is normal — but is it helpful or harmful? Anahad O'Connor for the New

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour Parenting is a constant process of choosing the lesser evil. When it's stomach flu or Coxsackie, they're both bad, but when you're playing Would You Rather?, you've still got to pick one. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: What their kids' names REALLY are Rat backpacks The horror of perma-noisemakers We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, pare

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour What does it mean to perform the role of "dad" in today's world? How do the ways the world perceives our children affect the ways we perceive ourselves? Lucas Mann is the author of ATTACHMENTS: ESSAYS ON FATHERHOOD AND OTHER PERFORMANCES, a collection of essays about parenting that The New Yorker just called "intense, poetic, and almost uncomfortably honest." In this interview, Lucas tells us about his experiences, how and why he writes, and what he's learned along the way. Here's where you can find Lucas Mann: www.lucasmann.com @lucaswmann on IG @LucasWMann on X Buy ATTACHMENTS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781609389536 https://www.newyorker.com/books/under-review/should-we-expect-more-from-dads We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the speci

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour Amy thought The Love Boat was filmed in real time, at sea. Margaret's grandfather had all the kids convinced his dining room light switch controlled the Tappan Zee Bridge. We asked our listeners for all the silliest things they fully believed as children, and in this episode, we highlight all of the absolute dumbest. We got all of these answers from our Facebook group! You can join in on the fun here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parent

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour “God never gives you more than you can handle.” “Look on the bright side.” “It could be worse.” These are examples of toxic positivity. They're platitudes we’ve all heard and we all know are (to say the least) less than helpful. So why do people feel the need to put a good spin on things when disaster strikes, and how do we break out of that habit? We talk about our own experiences with toxic positivity, what we’ve learned from them, and what we’re still working on. In this episode, we discuss: How overvaluing positives functions as a survival mechanism Why toxic positivity actually makes us less happy How to counter toxic positivity and how to stay graceful towards people who offer us outlooks we may not want or need Here are links to some of the articles we discuss

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour How do the stereotypes we harbor about raising boys harm them in the long term? Ruth Whipmann, author of BOYMOM: REIMAGINING BOYHOOD IN THE AGE OF IMPOSSIBLE MASCULINITY, discusses what most modern parenting advice misses when it comes to raising boys. Ruth, Margaret, and Amy discuss: why so much parenting advice for boys has historically sidelined the role of mothers the ways in which the emotional lives of boys are suppressed how to be "annoying in service of the project" of changing the conversation in your own family Here's where you can find Ruth: https://www.ruthwhippman.com @ruthwhippman on X and IG Follow Ruth on Substack: https://substack.com/@ruthwhippman Buy BOYMOM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593577639 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour Most of us hear “bullying” and picture a sand-kicking, lunch-money-stealing menace. But today’s bullying can take other forms. Research by Dr. Charisse Nixon shows that about 7% of kids report experiencing physical aggression once a week— but that HALF of kids report experiencing relational aggression at least once a month.  On the other hand, as bullying expert Signe Whitson explains, some things get termed “bullying” that are more correctly described as mean or rude. Knowing the difference as parents will help our children navigate these waters more effectively.  In this episode we discuss how to help our children understand what bullying is, plus how to know if our kids are being bullied themselves— since it’s the kids who are truly frightened and struggling who are of

What Fresh Hell Podcast is going on tour across the Northeast US this fall! Join us for a live version of the podcast and bring all your mom friends. We can’t wait to go back on the road! https://bit.ly/whatfreshhelltour Hooray, summer is finally here! No more French quizzes or spirit days to dress for last minute! So now what? Million-dollar summer camps? Kicking our kids outside from sunup to sundown so they don't drive us crazy? Here's how to give everyone, including yourself, a sane summer that won't send you into bankruptcy. Margaret and Amy discuss: Why summer light affects our mood Summer camp inflation Farmer's almanac predictions - here are the 2024 predictions Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Johns Hopkins School of Public Health: 7 Things To Know About Daylight Savings Time Michele Marchetti & Mia Taylor for Parents: How To Handle the Rising Costs of Summer Camp American Camp Association: How To Afford Camp We love the sponsors that make this sho

During the pandemic, most moms hit a breaking point. All of the increased labor of childcare, at-home teaching, and caregiving seemed to land mostly, or only, on their plates. It was a clarifying moment for many of us that things simply could not continue as they were going—and that perhaps they had been going that way for a long time. Jessica Calarco is a Professor of Sociology at the University of Wisconsin and the author of the new book HOLDING IT TOGETHER: How Women Became America's Safety Net. In this interview, discusses the forces that place the burden of childcare and domestic labor on women. Jessica, Amy, and Margaret discuss: how societal expectations around motherhood have always pointed toward a lack of choices how "mom guilt" is weaponized to ensure women keep doing more than their share what Jessica calls "DIY society," and why it's a myth Here's where you can find Jessica: https://www.jessicacalarco.com @JessicaCalarco on X Buy HOLDING IT TOGETHER: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593

We've both traveled with our extended families over and over again, and have loved the memories we've made together. But different bedtimes, sightseeing styles, and mealtime expectations can lead to unexpected conflict. Laura in our Facebook group wrote in to say: "Might be a fun episode before summer: large family vacation traditions. I'm wondering if there are favorite games/foods/tips/funny stories on going away with lots of members of your non-immediate family." As usual, our listeners responded with great tips for maintaining both organization and sanity when vacationing with extended family, and in this episode we discuss them all, including: Which conversations to have ahead of time—and which conversations never to have at all Systems for family vacations that don't fall on one person (or one gender) to execute Limiting your non-negotiables as a nuclear family ahead of time We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. In this episode we discuss all the reasons we’ve felt like failures as mothers, why we’re never as hard on others as we are on ourselves, and what we have done to mitigate these feelings of failure in our own lives.   “I feel like I’m failing at parenting fairly often,” our listener Becky wrote when she suggested this topic. If it makes you feel any better, Becky, you’ve got plenty of company. These self-inflicted guilt trips are nearly universal among mothers. But why? Is it the 24/7 nature of the job? Is it the admittedly high stakes that come from nurturing small humans towards successful adulthoods? Is it our parenting culture, which tells us no matter how much we do, how hard we try, there’s another mother doing it just a little bit better? We think it’s all of the above. We also think talking to other mo

What do women's diaries tell us that's not in the history books? What has changed about women's experiences in the last 400 years, and what remains frustratingly familiar? Historian Sarah Gristwood, author of SECRET VOICES: A YEAR OF WOMEN'S DIARIES, explains the common threads she found among the stories women felt they could tell only to themselves. Sarah and Amy discuss: The most common emotion expressed in all the diaries contained in this book The meaning of a diary as a secret-keeper, as a historical record, and sometimes both Whether our social media posts and Substacks today can serve the same purpose—and where they fall short Here's where you can find Sarah: http://sarahgristwood.com/ Buy SECRET VOICES: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781849948159 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, diary, journal, history, herstory

When we have a kid who just doesn't seem to fit in—or who is a loner, if a fairly content one—it can be hard for parents. But putting our own anxiety about it aside, and getting clear on the lagging skills and social cues that may not quite be in place, is the best way to help kids get on a better path. This episode is full of specific and useful advice! Amy and Margaret discuss: all the reasons kids can have trouble making (and keeping) friends five "unwritten social rules" that some kids take longer to comprehend how figuring out the specific issues at play can lead to the most useful solutions Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Jamie Howard, et. al for Child Mind Institute: Kids Who Need a Little Help to Make Friends The Sue Larkey podcast: Promoting Social Understanding – Social Scripts Gwen Dewar for Parenting Science: How to help kids make friends: 12 evidence-based tips Christine Comizio for U.S. News Health: Understanding Kids' Friendship Struggles: Com

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Fess up: everyone's got a Bad Mom Moment. Or twelve. We tend to hold these things really close, our shame rooted in deep certainty that no other mother has ever temporarily forgotten their baby in the toy aisle at Target. Guess what? You're not alone. Here are some of our listeners' Bad Mom Moments– and more than a few of our own. Our guest this week is Arianna Bradford, the brains behind The NYAM (Not Your Average Mom) Project, a website dedicated to helping parents -- moms especially -- celebrate the person they are outside of their role as a parent. Her book, SHAME ON YOU: BIG TRUTHS FROM A BAD MOM, is a hilarious collection of parenting essays that focus as much on a mother's mental health as they do on kids, and how very, very strange they are. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all th

Contrary to popular belief, the gender wage gap is widening, not narrowing. Naomi Cahn and June Carbone, authors of FAIR SHAKE: WOMEN AND THE FIGHT TO BUILD A JUST ECONOMY, discuss why working women still lag behind men both in wage equity and in positions of power. Naomi Cahn is the Justice Anthony M. Kennedy distinguished professor of law at the University of Virginia School of Law. June Carbone is the Robina chair of law, science, and technology at the University of Minnesota Law School. Naomi, June, and Amy discuss: How the "winner takes all" economy rewards men and not women The "triple bind" that sidelines women in the workplace How things get even more complicated for working parents What solutions for this problem look like at a societal, organizational, and personal level Here's where you can find more of June and Naomi: June Carbone: https://law.umn.edu/profiles/june-carbone Naomi Cahn: https://www.law.virginia.edu/faculty/profile/nrc8g/2915359 @carbonej and @NaomiCahn on X Buy FAIR SHAKE:

How do we know when our kids are old enough to walk home alone? Wear makeup? Get a phone? It definitely depends on the kid, your family situation, and the community where you live, but we think there are few ground rules—and some scaffolding it's a good idea to have in place. Amy and Margaret discuss: why social media may be the thing to delay, more than the phone why it can be tricky to leave older siblings in charge of younger siblings even when they actually are old enough when kids are old enough to "date" (which depends on what the meaning of the word "date" is) Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Camilo Ortiz We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, pare

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. JoAnn Crohn of No Guilt Mom is a parenting educator who helps moms feel confident in everything from raising empowered, self-sufficient kids to dropping the anxiety and guilt out of modern parenthood. No Guilt Mom offers self-paced digital courses in handling big emotions, getting kids to help out more, creating a morning routine, and conquering the homework drama. JoAnn is the co-host of the No Guilt Mom podcast, a former board-certified middle-school teacher, and a mom to 2 kids, ages 13 and 8. In this episode, Amy and JoAnn discuss: Why rewards charts taught as classroom strategies can often become counterproductive Why kids do well if they can When rewards charts actually DO work No Guilt Mom's HAPPY approach to parenting more effectively– while raising happier, more self-sufficient kids at the same time... Here

How can a step-parent gain the trust of her kids as she becomes part of their family? Cameron Normand, founder of Stepfamily Solutions, discusses her own experience as a stepmom and offers some helpful takeaways for navigating stepfamily dynamics. Cameron and Margaret discuss: The biggest misconception about stepfamily life Cameron's top piece of advice for new stepmoms How to deal with a stepchild or ex-spouse who is less than accepting Here's where you can find Cameron: stepfamilysolutions.com @stepfamilysolutions on FB, IG, and TikTok Listen to Cameron's podcast "The Stepmom Diaries" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ manifest reality, positive thinking, toxic positivity, magical thinking, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting

When we explain to our partners and families that we need them to pitch in around the house, we sometimes hear back that the real problem is our too-high standards. That if we actually think "doing the laundry" means FOLDING the laundry, instead of leaving it in the dryer, that that is just too high a bar. Eve Rodsky, author of FAIR PLAY, suggests that partners establish a "minimum standard of care" for household duties. But how does that get set? And is that really all it takes? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: How to use "community standards" to determine minimum standards of care The tired old idea that women have impossible standards Why it might be your system that's the problem, and not your partner Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sheila Wray Gregoire for Bare Marriage: EMOTIONAL LABOR SERIES: HOW DO WE DECIDE WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE? Listen to our Fresh Take with Eve Rodsky Eve Rodsky's FAIR PLAY: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943 Leslie Gold

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, MD is a psychiatrist and author specializing in women's mental health. She is a frequent contributor to The New York Times and the founder of Gemma, the first digital education platform dedicated exclusively to women’s mental health. Dr. Lakshmin is most passionate about empowering women and sees her clinical work as a perinatal psychiatrist as an extension of this mission. In this episode we discuss mom guilt, stress, self-care, the anxiety of this ongoing pandemic moment, and how we can reclaim ourselves amidst it all.  You can find Pooja on Instagram @poojalakshmin and at her website: poojalakshmin.com We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes

Are female friendships really more complicated than male friendships? Does that make our friendships more valuable? Danielle Bayard Jackson is a female friendship coach and educator on the science of women’s platonic connections. In her new book FIGHTING FOR OUR FRIENDSHIPS, Danielle explains what makes female friendship strong as well as tips for making and keeping great friends.  In this interview, Danielle and Amy discuss: The three central affinities that bring women together: secrecy, symmetry, and support How to compassionately approach friends who are flaky Scripts for navigating common issues in friendships Here's where you can find Danielle: www.betterfemalefriendships.com @daniellebayardjackson on IG @thefriendshipexpert on TikTok Listen to the "Friend Forward" podcast Buy FIGHTING FOR OUR FRIENDSHIPS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306830617 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our we

This month, we take the Myers-Briggs personality test live on air—Margaret answers with her first instinct and Amy parses every question within an inch of its life. The results will and will not surprise you... Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is one morning of runny eggs and burnt toast really fair payback for 364 days of work? Does "Mother's Day" have to mean packing the kids for a two-hour drive to see your mom and/or mother-in-law? Why does Mother's Day often feel like it's more trouble than it's worth? Margaret and Amy discuss: Anna Jarvis and the rather tragic origins of Mother's Day "minor Mother's Day" vs "major Mother's Day," and how to deliver that message How to ask for—and get—the Mother's Day that feels right for you Margaret mentions "The Lanyard" by Billy Collins in this episode. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Mother's Day, making mom feel special mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, tee

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into mom guilt—why it's so pervasive and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. "Mom guilt" is shorthand for what we think are two pretty different things: the universal, low-grade feelings of inadequacy that our soccer snacks aren't as good as Monica's the intense, deeply personal shame that we are definitely the only horrible parent who has ever allowed their baby to roll off the changing table Yes, we take on these feelings of guilt and shame—but society is pretty quick to hand them to us. In this episode we discuss why there isn't such a thing as "dad guilt" why mom guilt might serve as a sort of magical thinking if we can at least skip the feeling guilty about HAVING mom guilt part Here are links to some studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Lara Bazelon for The Atlantic: The End of Mom Guilt Amy Paturel for The Washington Post: Why we feel 'mom guilt'

How can we tear our kids away from the increasingly addictive video games they can't get enough of? Dr. Alok Kanojia, author of the book HOW TO RAISE A HEALTHY GAMER, explains how to talk to kids about their video game addiction. Dr. Kanojia is a former gaming addict and a Harvard-trained psychiatrist who has developed evidence-based programs that helped tens of thousands of gamers overcome their addiction. Margaret and Dr. Kanojia discuss: Signs that someone is addicted to something and why gaming can fill a void How to talk to your gamer about healthy habits Enforcing boundaries around gaming and dealing with resistance to those boundaries Here's where you can find Dr. Kanojia: Follow Dr.K's podcast HealthyGamerGG https://open.spotify.com/show/6VaJwyS2KXxiXqR77jqzmP Check out Dr.K's Book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer https://bit.ly/4c8BNkr     Healthy Gamer Website https://www.healthygamer.gg/   Instagram: @healthygamergg X: @dralokkanjia YouTube: @healthy gamer GG TikTok: @healthygam

Follow us on YouTube! Are you worried your picky eater will never eat a vegetable as long as they live? Here are some parenting tips for picky eaters—and some updates on Amy and Margaret's own picky eaters since recording our very first episode 8 years ago! (It's good news.) Amy and Margaret discuss: Why it's helpful to make food the least interesting thing at the dinner table How to maintain your own sanity around mealtimes by meeting kids where they are Why dinnertime is actually the worst time of day to get kids to try new foods How pairing and "food chaining" can help expand your picky eaters' palates Here is a link to one of the resources mentioned in the episode: Benioff Childrens Hospitals: Picky Eaters We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ manifest reality, positive thinking, toxic positivity, magical thinking, mom friends, funny m

Parenting as a team is an ongoing challenge– even when your relationship with your co-parent is usually harmonious. But matching headspaces with your co-parent about a problem your family, or one of your children, is dealing with doesn't have to be the goal.  Parenting as a team can often mean taking turns, whether it's with the pancake-flipping, the hard talks with teenagers, or the 3 am worried Googling of ICD-10 diagnoses. In this episode we talk about what’s worked for us in moments of disagreement or struggle with our spouses, and how we found common ground. If getting through the pandemic meant zooming in, just getting to the next lamppost, parenting as a team means zooming way out. If you know you're on the same page about the adults you want your children to become, it's a little easier to chill out about how they’ll get there.  Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Amy and Margaret discuss their "Pre-Cana" experiences in the Catholic Church, and the usefulness of t

Why are stereotypes of teenage girls rarely flattering? And what important traits are we not acknowledging in these young women? Chelsey Goodan, author of the new book UNDERESTIMATED: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls, explains what teenage girls really want and need from us. Chelsey and Amy discuss: The generational shift towards a culture of support and empowerment among young girls today The significance of offering agency to young girls in shaping their identities and futures What teenage girls want from their parents more than anything else Here's where you can find Chelsey: https://www.chelseygoodan.com @chelseygoodan on IG and X Buy UNDERSTIMATED: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668032688 https://www.democrashe.org/ https://www.acalltomen.org/about/ Amy also mentions our Fresh Take with Judith Warner in this episode: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/fresh-take-judith-warner-on-what-grownups-get-wrong-about-middle-school/ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can

The human tendency to solve problems by adding something is called "additive solution bias." However, sometimes a problem is more quickly and effectively solved by taking something away. In this episode we talk about how "additive solution bias" can play out in our parenting strategies, and how we can become more aware of the times when what we actually need to do is take something away. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why our brains are wired to solve problems by adding things How additive solution bias increases along with the size of the problem we're attempting to solve Why removing something, or doing less, isn't automatically easier Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Diana Kwon for Scientific American: "

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Kate Mangino, PhD, is a gender expert and professional facilitator who has been working internationally for nearly 20 years. She is the author of the new book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equity at Home, an informed guide about how readers can rewrite harmful gender norms and create greater household equity. Here's where you can find Kate: https://www.katemangino.com @ManginoKate on X Buy EQUAL PARTNERS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250276117 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styl

Cognitive biases are self-deceptive thought patterns we all use to make sense of the world. In a world that makes less and less sense, Amanda Montell argues, humans have become more irrational than ever. In her new book THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING, Montell explains how our brains' coping mechanisms have become overloaded—and how to slow down our panic responses when the world becomes too overwhelming. Amanda, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How magical overthinking has manifested from the modern age of mass information overload and an epidemic of loneliness The types of cognitive biases that comprise magical overthinking, such as the sunk cost fallacy, the halo effect, and proportionality bias Strategies to combat the negative effects of magical overthinking Here's where you can find Amanda: https://amandamontell.com/ @amanda_montell on IG Buy THE AGE OF MAGICAL OVERTHINKING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668007976 Listen to the "Sounds Like a Cult" podcast We love the sponsors that make this

We all know what extreme "oversharenting" is when we see it. It's the gray areas that get harder. When we post about our kid's adventures in potty training, are we supposed to think twice? What will happen when our kids are old enough to want to curate their own internet presence? How concerned should we be about the privacy we may have given away without thinking? Amy and Margaret discuss: the digital footprint and the "right to be forgotten" what to check in your privacy settings when to start asking kids for permission before you post the benefits we gain from sharing about our families online Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Zoya Garg, Elmer Gomez and Luciana Yael Petrzela for the NY Times: "If You Didn't 'Sharent,' Did You Even Parent?" Sean Coughlan for the BBC: "'Sharenting' puts young at risk of online fraud" Fortesa Latifi for Cosmopolitan: "What’s the Price of a Childhood Turned Into Content?" Fortesa Latifi for Cosmopolitan: "'We’re Never Doi

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Want to see a mother get mad? Tell her she's "nagging" you after she's been obligated to repeat an entirely reasonable request several times over. And just why is "nagging" a word that's almost exclusively applied to women? We need the other members of our households to show up and do their share. As the default parents, we own the lists. So do we stop caring whether others like how we ask and remind? Do we enforce a back-to-one where we're not forced to ask repeatedly in the first place? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: The sexism and etymology of the word "nag" What Amy says are the three types of "nagging," and why we should separate them out What to say when our repeated asking is framed as annoying to other people (guess to whom it's also annoying, too?) Here are links to some of the

Is it even possible to declutter your home for more than one minute at a time when you've got kids? Diane Boden, host of the Minimalist Moms podcast, offers parenting tips for cutting down on possessions in a manageable way. Diane Boden is the host of the Minimalist Moms Podcast and author of Minimalist Moms: Living and Parenting with Simplicity. She lives in Ohio with her husband and three kids. Diane, Margaret, and Amy discuss: What minimalism can mean for different people Simple steps for starting the decluttering process—and some more radical strategies too How to reconcile different set points for clutter between parenting partners How to deal with family members who love giving gifts Here's where you can find Diane: minimalistmomspodcast.com @minimalistmomspodcast on all socials Buy MINIMALIST MOMS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781642505092 Listen to the Minimalist Moms podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all

How do we help our kids succeed in school without becoming the dreaded "snowplow" parents? Here are some parenting tips for advocating for your child at school when necessary, while also empowering our kids to navigate their own learning. Amy and Margaret discuss: How school environments have changed in the last few decades Best practices for helping kids of different ages manage homework How to start a productive conversation with your child's educators about concerns you may have Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:  Jenny Anderson for TIME Magazine: "Many American Parents Have No Idea How Their Kids Are Doing in School" Carrie Bauer, et. al, for Slate: Help Me Help My Kid Libby Stanford for Education Week: "Does Parent Involvement Really Help Students? Here’s What the Research Says" U.S. Department of Education: "Raise the Bar: Resources for Parents and Families" Cara Goodwin for KQED's Mind/Shift: "How important is homework, and how much should parents help?

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Matthew Fray is a relationship coach who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes that he did. He's a 43-year-old single father who is best known for his viral blog post "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink." Fray is the author of the new book "This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships." Matthew gives us wonderful, poignant insights into how to validate our partners, find out their true needs, and re-establish trust when we've lost it. In this episode, Matthew, Margaret, and Amy discuss: Why we may not realize we're betraying our partner's trust Matthew's hierarchy of needs in relationships Why couples always have the same fight Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Maslow's

If setbacks are so common, especially in the trenches of motherhood, how can we learn useful lessons from them? Amy Shoenthal, author of the new book THE SETBACK CYCLE, offers a framework for navigating setbacks and becoming stronger because of them. Amy Shoenthal is a journalist, marketing consultant and a contributor to Forbes Women and Harvard Business Review. Shoenthal and Margaret discuss: Why our brains learn more from setbacks than successes and why people who have setbacks are better at problem solving Shoenthal's four-phase framework for navigating setbacks The "motherhood penalty" that women in the workforce experience Here's where you can find Amy Shoenthal: www.thesetbackcycle.com @amysho on Instagram and Twitter https://www.linkedin.com/in/amyshoenthal/ Buy THE SETBACK CYCLE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798888451687 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfres

We asked our listeners to tell us their lowest-stakes conspiracy theories, and as usual, you all really came through! Whether it's gum with flavor that goes extinct in thirty seconds or less, or printers that indicate the need for new ink well ahead of schedule, here are all the extremely minor daily occurrences that just may have sinister planning behind them. We're just asking questions here. Amy mentions this I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE sketch in this episode: "That's a Chunky" sketch Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts

This month, we're doing a deep dive series into the division of household labor—why it's often unbalanced, and what we can do about it. You can find the playlist with all of the episodes in the series here. Why does it feel like I do all the work around here? Why can't my partner take on a little more? Why does a dad get to go on Good Morning America for DOING HIS DAUGHTER'S HAIR TWICE A WEEK?? There is evidence that having kids reduces marital harmony. And for a woman, the birth of a child often means taking on a second shift while her partner's routine may barely be interrupted. So how can we find labor divisions that work for everyone? In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss: What the science says about relationships post-children Signs that a partnership is operating unsustainably Tips for how to start the conversation about dividing up parenting responsibilities Here are links to some of the resources we mention: The Infamous "Husband Crimes" episode What Happens to a Marriage After Having

How can we maintain a strong attachment to our kids as they begin to look to their peers for approval instead of their parents? Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Gordon Neufeld explain the crucial importance of remaining attached to our children as they grow in their new and revised edition of their book HOLD ONTO YOUR KIDS. Dr. Gordon Neufeld is an internationally renowned psychologist and foremost authority on child development, and founder of the Neufeld Institute. Dr. Gabor Maté is a renowned speaker and bestselling author, highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development. Amy, Dr. Maté, and Dr. Neufeld discuss: Why "peer orientation" doesn't actually have to be the way things go How cultural shifts in society have accelerated the rise of peer orientation How we can reattach to our children and remain their most important role model Here's where else you can find Dr. Maté and Dr. Neufeld: gabormatemd (IG); @DrGaborMate (X); Gabor Maté (FB) @

What should we do when all the work we do to run our family's lives is done so successfully that they not only don't acknowledge it—they don't even understand it? How do we help our partners understand that saying "I left the doctor a message, but they didn't call back" does not really count as a completed task? It's all about what's called the "invisible workload." In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: whether "cognitive labor" (Allison Daminger) or "emotional labor" (Rose Hackman) might be even better terms for what we're talking about pushing back on "weaponized incompetence" the difference between taking on tasks and taking on outcomes The importance of giving voice to invisible labor in front of kids Here are links to some interviews/books we mentioned in the episode: Our interview with Eve Rodsky Mac Daniel for Harvard Radcliffe Institute: "The Unseen Inequity of Cognitive Labor" FAIR PLAY by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525541943 EMOTIONAL LABOR by Rose Hackman: https:

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. If a three-year-old can't wait thirty seconds more for dinner, will she grow up to be an impatient adult? Is there anything we can do to teach our kids patience– and should we? Impatience is completely normal in kids (not to mention grownups), but there are ways to help our children develop this skill. It's worth the effort– not to make our kids more compliant and quiet in church, but because patience and overall happiness, as it turns out, are highly correlated. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: Why impatience is developmentally appropriate- and when kids are ready to become more patient The infamous "marshmallow experiment" How to model patience for our kids (and find a little more happiness ourselves) Here are links to some of the res

How can we get our disabled children the support to which they are entitled? How do we find the confidence that we're adequate enough to provide what they need? Kelley Coleman, parent of a disabled child and author of the new book EVERYTHING NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT PARENTING A DISABLED CHILD, provides practical advice and templates for navigating systems and accessing services. Kelley and Amy discuss: Kelley's personal story of parenting her disabled son and the challenges she's faced the frustrating experience of "reinventing the wheel" for each parent of a disabled child why the language of disability matters—and why it was the first thing Kelley had to learn why the best place to get real, practical information is often from other parents—until we become the informed parents Here's where you can find Kelley: https://www.kelleycoleman.com @hellokelleycoleman on IG Buy EVERYTHING NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT PARENTING A DISABLED CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306831706 We love the sponsors

What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills. In this episode, we discuss: the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal" the single most important factor for positive family well-being Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode "When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth" Nicole Schwarz for imperfectfamilies.com: When The Siblings of a Difficult Child Feel Ignored Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner Pamela Li for Parenting for Bain: Emotional Regulation in Child

Today we're sharing an episode of another podcast we’re loving: Pop Culture Moms. Andie and Sabrina are toddler moms and best friends of 20 years. They’re taking their obsession with TV and movies to the next level by talking to celebrities, writers and fellow “scholars” of pop culture about what they can learn from the fictional moms they love most. In this episode: Some of the best moms on TV right now are cartoons. We hear from Deena Margolin and Kristin Gallant, the moms behind parenting resource Big Little Feelings and co-hosts of the podcast, After Bedtime, about what the mothers in Bluey and Daniel Tiger are doing right. Listen to “Pop Culture Moms” here! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies,

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Getting your kid to talk to you is never easy (unless you’re standing with car keys in hand, front door ajar, 15 minutes late for an appointment). Here are some parenting strategies that work to get kids talking at every age. Based upon empirical evidence, “How was school today?” is the most annoying question a mom could ever ask. So why bother trying?  Because Jennifer Kolari, author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid, says getting our kids to open up is part of our job description: It’s our job as parents to help our kids sort through and process the things that happen to them during the day. “They don’t have the higher-order thinking to do it on their own yet. In this episode we lay out what gets our kids to talk– at every

How can we make the parent-child relationship peaceful and enjoyable? Simone Davies and Junnifa Uzodike, authors of THE MONTESSORI CHILD, explain Montessori parenting strategies and why they're useful for raising independent children. Simone Davies hosts the blog The Montessori Notebook, and Junnifa Uzodike sits on the executive board of the International Montessori Association and runs a school in Abuja, Nigeria. Simone, Junnifa, and Margaret discuss: The core tenets of the Montessori parenting philosophy What it means to be a parental guide to our children How Montessori parenting differs from other parenting styles Here's where you can find Simone and Junnifa: @themontessorinotebook @montessori_nduoma Buy THE MONTESSORI CHILD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523512416 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, pare

Is creativity the domain of artists and artists alone? How do we get unstuck when we haven't picked up a paintbrush in decades? Blaire Brooks and Molly Lloyd, former hosts of "Toddler Purgatory" and now co-hosts of "Unsticking It," discuss why creativity is accessible to and crucial for everyone, no matter who they are. Blaire, Molly, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How to disentangle yourself from the "hamster wheel" of everyday life How famous artists have found inspiration for their great works The overlap between creativity and motherhood Here's where you can find Blaire and Molly: Listen to Unsticking It with Blaire and Molly @unsticking_it_podcast on IG Watch Molly in her State Farm commercial with Ludacris! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, famil

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes about "getting our kids to...," from listening to what we say the first time, to talking to us about what matters most to them. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. How do we get our kids to listen to us and do as we ask, without too many tears on either side? Here are some parenting tips for encouraging cooperation in kids (and modeling it ourselves.) Our listener Alison asked: I would love some insight into engaging the cooperation of my two boys, 5 and almost 3 years old. At what age is it reasonable to expect them to put away their toys, stay seated for meals, get in the bath without mind games, and get ready for bed in less than 60 minutes? They are capable, but rarely willing, and 8 out of 10 times it's an ordeal. We have routines, we announce transitions in advance, we give them choices and even try to make it fun, but I feel like I am either haranguing them constantly or seething with resentment or both. Do I

What is the happy parenting medium between raising our kids with zero boundaries, and yelling until we're blue in the face? Gwenna Laithland is creator of the wildly popular @mommacusses on TikTok and Instagram, and author of the new book Momma Cusses: A Field Guide to Responsive Parenting & Trying Not to Be the Reason Your Kid Needs Therapy. Gwenna explains in this interview how she eventually found her way to what she calls "responsive parenting." We also discuss: why there's no such thing as a "parenting expert" how responsive parenting helps parents become more intentional, empathetic, and emotionally available how helping kids regulate their emotions has to start with our modeling how to regulate our own . Here's where you can find Momma Cusses: @mommacusses on TikTok and Instagram @thismommacusses on Facebook Pleasant Peasant Media on YouTube buy the MOMMA CUSSES book! https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250882660 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all t

In a disagreement two things can feel like opposites—but it can still be a fact that both things are true. You wish they'd listen; they wish you'd not get so angry. Your kid isn't going to that unsupervised sleepover; your kid is going to be furious about that for weeks. When we start allowing for coexisting differences of opinion—when we stop feeling like the other person can only be super-wrong before we get what we want—something like change can start to occur. The idea that two things can be true dates back to the ancient Greeks, and in this episode, we discuss the history of dialectical thinking why our lizard brains love to overcategorize how we can use the "two things can be true" script in our parenting We're still figuring out how this works for ourselves, but the effort seems well worth it. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Dr. Becky on Instagram: How to Respond to Pushback With Firmness and Connection Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman: Two T

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Why is it siblings so often seem to be total opposites? If we notice that and lean into comparisons, are we bad parents? And if our kids really are completely different, are they choosing those divergent paths on purpose? Yes and no. Here's why kids in the same family can turn out so differently, and what it means for us as we parent them. In this episode we discuss: The definition of "adaptive divergence" The difference between knowing our kids and comparing them Why each of our children, even in the same household, grow up in their own "micro environments" At the end of the day, we're wired to compare our kids as naturally as breathing. And instead of punishing ourselves for doing so, noticing when we do it and why is a good start. Even if you think you already know eve

How do kids play differently when they're outside? What are the benefits of unstructured play and giving kids more agency over their leisure time? Ginny Yurich, host of The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast and founder of the 1000 Hours Outside movement, explains why getting our kids outside every day that we can reaps real benefits for kids' physical, cognitive, and social well-being. In this interview Ginny, Amy, and Margaret discuss: the ways time outside benefits kids that you might not have heard of why a few bumps and bruises are worth what kids can learn from taking risks the essential role of friends and community in outdoor play... if you're going to spend a thousand hours outside this year, get a friend with kids who's willing to try it with you! Here's where you can find Ginny: Listen to The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast www.1000hoursoutside.com @1000hoursoutside on all socials Ginny's book UNTIL THE STREETLIGHTS COME ON: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781540903402 We love the sponsors that make

Were the concerns of Nemo's father actually pretty reasonable? Was Mrs. Doubtfire the bad guy? Were Baby's parents in Dirty Dancing... actually kind of right? We asked our listeners which movies and TV shows they perceive differently as parents, plus a few of our own. We also discuss: which child actor Margaret scarily resembles the weirdest Disney movie of all time, in terms of it ostensibly being aimed at children the one thing that could save every Disney princess problem in five minutes Read the original thread in our Facebook group! mom friends, funny moms, Disney movies, family movies, family programming Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. It’s not your imagination: kids raised in the same family really do push in opposite directions– and we mean POLAR opposites, especially for closely-spaced or same-sex siblings. But why the de-identification? And how is it even possible for kids reared in the same environment to be so completely different?  In this episode we discuss:  the three theories social scientists have about this phenomenon  why siblings may “evolve” like Darwin’s finches  how “the shy one” in a given family may not be that shy at all- except compared to that outgoing sibling  what parents need to watch out for in terms of leaning in to these (sometimes oversimplified) categories    Here’s links to the fascinating research, and stuff that it reminded us of, discussed in this

How can we make our kids - and ourselves - feel truly listened to in our day-to-day conversations? Charles Duhigg, author of the new book SUPERCOMMUNICATORS, explains how to create meaningful connection in the parent/child relationship.  Charles Duhigg is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better. He is a staff writer at The New Yorker and was previously a reporter at the New York Times.  Charles and Margaret discuss: The three types of conversations and why the distinction among them is important How we can connect with others when we have deep personal disagreements How our communication skills are connected to our happiness Here's where you can find Charles: https://www.charlesduhigg.com/ Instagram: @charlesduhigg LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/charlesduhigg FB: @CharlesDuhigg Buy SUPERCOMMUNICATORS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593243916 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals a

When we worry about our kids being behind on reaching milestones, that's natural. When we fear it's proof of our own terrible parenting, that's our anxiety taking over. Here's how to reframe kids' development in a way that lessens our mom guilt and feelings of failure: the power of "not yet" Amy and Margaret discuss: Why we feel so anxious when our kids aren't developing the way we think they should How we can show our kids that we believe in them—and why that helps us too Why humans learn more from mistakes than from things we get right Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sarina Natkin: The Power of Not Right Now Leo The Late Bloomer by Robert Kraus TED Talk Tuesday: The Power of Yet Our episode "Growth Mindset" Carol Dweck at TEDxNorrkoping: The power of believing that you can improve Neuroscience News: Mindful Mistakes: How Brains Learn from Errors We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all

This is one of our deep dives on how kids are shaped by their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Most people believe middle children are prone to feeling insecure and left out because they get less attention. Their primary emotional state? Jealousy of siblings. Studies show that we think these problems are real and inescapable. A City College of New York study found participants were most likely to use words like “overlooked” to describe middle children— while completely unlikely to use the word “spoiled.”  Psychologist Dr. Alfred Adler first proposed a “middle child syndrome” in the 1920s, and ever since, most of us have assumed the Jan-Brady worst. But Dr. Adler also believed that middle children’s place in the birth order made them “uniquely poised to succeed.” Are we getting it wrong? Are there lifelong benefits for kids who grow up neither the pressured oldest nor the coddled youngest?  In this episode we discuss:  “middle

How can we prevent our kids from developing substance use disorders? Dr. Kevin Simon is an Attending Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and Addiction Medicine Specialist at Boston Children's Hospital and an instructor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. In this interview, Dr. Simon explains The different ways that kids use substances, and why they use What puts kids at higher use for developing addiction Why the "just a sip at home" strategy isn't a good idea What to watch for in order to intervene sooner Here's where you can find Dr. Simon: https://www.kevinsimonmd.com/publications @DrKMSimon on IG, X, and LinkedIn Here links to a few resources mentioned in the episode: Felice J Freyer for the Boston Globe: "Boston's New Mental Health Czar Lays Out His Goals" "This Is Your Brain on Drugs" PSA We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom

What words, phrases, or annoying habits do you wish your family would just quit once and for all? Here's what our funny mom friends had to say. Amy and Margaret discuss: What rules work in Margaret's house What behaviors cause them to "catch a bit of an attitude" Which tropical islands they would run away to if given the chance Read the original thread on Facebook here Listen to Molly and Blaire's new podcast Unsticking It! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn m

We're doing a "Deep Dive" into our past episodes on birth order and how it can shape both kids' personalities and their relationships with their siblings. Find the rest of the episodes in this deep dive series in this Spotify playlist. Is birth order a thing to fight back against? Is there a way to make the older child less stressed, and the baby maybe a little *more* motivated? And is it a problem if our own birth order has shaped who we are as adults and how we parent? We think the answer is: not really. These stereotypes are so ingrained because the effects of birth order are real. But that's not to say the things that result are all negative, or completely determinative, or that your middle kid is doomed to a life of unhappiness just because she was unlucky enough to get a younger sibling. Still, awareness of the effects of birth order seems important, if only to catch ourselves when we're inadvertently reinforcing those roles. That's when we can give the youngest a little more responsibility, the oldest

What does it mean to parent grown children? How can we embrace those changing relationships? Kelly Corrigan, host of "Kelly Corrigan Wonders", four-time New York Times bestselling author, and the host of PBS’ long-form interview show Tell Me More, talks with Amy about the process of letting our big kids go. Kelly and Amy discuss: why the thing our older kids might most want to hear from us is, simply, "I know" why mothers and fathers might get different versions of the same stories from their kids Kelly's top advice for younger parents Here's where you can find Kelly: https://www.kellycorrigan.com/ @kellycorrigan on IG Listen to Kelly's podcast "Kelly Corrigan Wonders" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strateg

Need some new indoor activities for kids? Are you completely out of ways to keep your little ones busy while winter's cold and icky weather continues to drag on? Bundling up and going outside is worth the trouble, when you can make it happen—but when you can't, here's how to make those long and boring days inside more fun. Amy and Margaret discuss: The "third quarter phenomenon" How to change things up to create new experiences out of old toys for kids Listener tips for keeping kids occupied on cold, rainy, or snowy days Here are links to some of the things mentioned in the episode: Elmo checks in on all of us this week: Elmo on Twitter / X Watch this interview with Elmo and his dad Louie on TODAY Nathan Smith and Gro Mjeldheim Sandal for Astronautics: "The third-quarter phenomenon: the psychology of time in space" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.co

What can we do to help our kids feel welcome and make friends in a new town? Margaret shares her own parenting tips for helping kids adjust after a big move. A listener asks: "We're about to move across the country and I'm wondering what are the steps we need to take to "make friends" and help the kids do the same. What are some ways you can suggest for them to "break into" the already formed groups that I'm sure their new schools will still have? Also, it will be a very strange dynamic because in the fall, I will have one in high school, one in middle, and one in elementary. Send help!" Margaret suggests reaching out to the community you're moving to ahead of time and trying to make connections before you get there. Even just one person to talk to in your new hometown can be really helpful. When it comes to your kids, find groups that they might want to be a part of, whether it's theater, soccer, or Scouts, and contact the leaders of those groups to tell them your kid will be coming. See if you can get one k

What's the difference between being a father and being a dad? What does it mean for a man to become intentional about fatherhood as an integral part of his identity? Adam Flaherty and Marc Checket, co-hosts of the "Modern Dadhood" podcast, discuss how fatherhood has and hasn't changed in the last few decades. Amy, Margaret, Adam, and Marc discuss; Why women identify (and are identified) as moms more readily than men do as dads The difference between "dadhood" and "fatherhood" How to make parenting partnerships more equitable Here's where you can find Adam and Marc: http://moderndadhood.com Instagram: @moderndadhood YouTube: @moderndadhood TikTok: @moderndadhoodpodcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategi

Why are the solutions to other people's problems so easy, while our own problems seem so much harder? Turns out this phenomenon is real, and even has a name: "Solomon's Paradox." In this episode we discuss how distance from a situation gives us clearer perspective, and how we might transfer that clarity to the problems in our own lives. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why it's easier to see other people's situations more clearly than our own Why it's easier for us to see what our kids need to do in sticky situations than for them to see it Why we sometimes may not be solving other people's problems as well as we thought How to apply the wisdom we bring friends' issues to our own situations Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kean Poon: "Hot and Cool Executive Functions in Adolescence: Development and Contributions to Important Developmental Outcomes" from Frontiers in Psychology Journal Maggy Elsousou for Medium: "Why It’s So Much Easier To Solve Other People’s Problems

How can we get our reluctant readers to read a wider range of books? Here are some parenting strategies for getting kids excited about reading. Jennifer asks: "Any thoughts on how to get my eight-year-old son to listen or read anything outside his go-to genre?" Although Jennifer doesn't specify, it sounds like the go-to genre for an 8-year-old boy is probably some books about gross bodily humor. But remember: kids have to learn to read before they can read to learn. At that young age, many kids are still working really hard to ingest information as they read, so they need something really engaging to make it worth the effort for them. You can also view the problem as: at least they're reading, and that's good! Even if it's not as educational as you wish it were. Some parenting strategies for encouraging your child to read include modeling reading at home, creating a visual representation of how many books your child has read for them to see, and taking them to the library to get the full book-borrowing experi

How can busy moms reduce their stress levels in a way that DOESN'T involve the word self-care? Dr. Linnea Passaler, author of the new book HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM, explains the biology behind the stress response and how to address it. Dr. Linnea Passaler is the founder of ‘Heal Your Nervous System,’ a platform that offers tools and resources to help individuals worldwide understand the root cause of anxiety, burnout, overwhelm, and physical and emotional symptoms. Dr. Passaler and Amy discuss: When and why our nervous systems become dysregulated Where most people run into trouble when trying to become more regulated Solutions for shifting to a more regulated state Here's where you can find Dr. Passaler: https://healyournervoussystem.com @healyournervoussystem on IG Buy HEAL YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780760385654 Listen to our interview with Carla Naumberg We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our

We each have those things that we don't hate, exactly; we just don't get them, don't get why everyone but us is so obsessed. Our listener Melanie posted in our Facebook group: I have a show idea! Things that it seems everyone in the world loves, but you don’t get it! For me….Taylor Swift. I don’t get why people lose their minds over her! One of my students went into debt to pay $4000 for a ticket to her concert….and it wasn’t even a good seat! As usual, hundreds of listeners weighed in about the things they just don't get, from Stanley cups to pretty cookies. Here are some of the widely appealing things that make them—and sometimes us—scratch our heads. One of the top things Amy doesn't get: Tom Waits. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families,

What parenting advice works when kids are being excluded from friend groups? Margaret shares some parenting strategies for keeping calm ourselves and for modeling healthy behavior when our kids are faced with rejection. A listener asks: "Help! My 12-year-old son lost his only friend because his friend's other friends didn't like my son. Most kids find my son annoying. I have tried to explain to him how some of the things he does might make other people feel, but he is quite immature for his age and has ADHD. As a child, I also didn't have many friends. I'm like my mom, not super social, don't know what to do." One of the best things you can do for your kid is model a healthy response to the situation. Acknowledge that rejection hurts but that it's a normal part of social dynamics in life and it may be a tough season socially for a little while. If you throw logs on the fire by reacting too strongly, it will cue your child to do the same. Your kid may be in need of some social skills classes if they find frie

Finding out that you, or your child, has ADHD can be a great relief: so many things finally make sense. But the diagnosis, and the self-acceptance that comes with it, is just the beginning of the work. Jessica McCabe, author of the new book HOW TO ADHD, tells her own story of learning all that ADHD can affect, and gives helpful tips for living, working, and parenting while neurodiverse. Jessica McCabe is the creator of the YouTube channel "How to ADHD," where she shares fun, relatable and research-based educational content about ADHD and neurodiversity with her 2 million followers. Jessica and Amy discuss: Jessica's own journey with her ADHD diagnosis—and why it took her so long to understand it Why people with ADHD should own and claim it as a disability Helpful strategies for daily living for households where family members have ADHD—including the parents Here's where you can find Jessica: https://howtoadhdbook.com YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/howtoadhd @howtoadhd on all social platform

Mothers have long been held at fault for anything that might occur in their children's lives, from autism ("refrigerator mothers") to colic, and everything in between. Why is there such a long history of blaming everything on Mom? In this episode, we discuss how mom blame has manifested in both psychology and parenting advice over the years, and how we can start to push back on it in our own lives. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Joseph E. Davis, PhD for Psychology Today: "For a Moratorium on Parent Blaming" Mitzi M. Waltz, PhD for the AMA Journal of Ethics: "Mothers and Autism: The Evolution of a Discourse of Blame" Rosjke Hasseldine for Medium: "How Mother Blaming Harms the Mother-Daughter Bond" Bonnie Zucker for Scary Mommy: "From a Psychologist: No, It's Not All Mom's Fault" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/pro

It's developmentally appropriate for a toddler to shout "That's mine!" every five seconds instead of sharing. That's because toddlers and preschoolers are still learning what sharing even means. So what should a parent do when they have two little ones who are fighting over every toy? Our listener Katie sent us a message on Instagram asking: "I have two boys, the older almost two and a half, the younger a one-year-old (they're 18 months apart). My 2 1/2 year-old just says nonstop, "Nooo, this is mine!" and takes everything away from his little brother all day long. I'm constantly having to keep the younger one away from the older one, otherwise he will try to kick or hit him. It's frustrating and exhausting, and I know it's a normal stage, but I also feel like there must be something I can do to help." First, a parent should focus on the kicking or hitting, which is the immediate danger. Give that behavior a firm no, and then separate the children as necessary. Don't feel like you have to enforce playing to

Self-help culture rewards women and mothers who "stay strong." But that can lead to us people-pleasing even as we struggle, making sure no one sees that we're actually drowning. Andrea Owen, host of the Make Some Noise podcast, explains how some conventional self-help advice needs to be kicked to the curb. Andrea Owen is also a professionally-certified life coach and the author of three books, including How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t: 14 Habits that are Holding You Back from Happiness.  In this episode Andrea, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Being a "compassionate witness" Quieting our inner critic Why it's okay to fall apart sometimes Here's where you can find Andrea: -https://andreaowen.com/ -@heyandreaowen on IG, FB, and TikTok We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kids have a less time for unsupervised, unstructured play than they did 40-50 years ago. Kids are also a lot less happy then they were back then. But has one actually caused the other? A new study says it has. Psychologist Dr. Peter Gray and his associates at Boston College recently published the paper Decline in independent activity as a cause of decline in children's mental well-being, which suggests that the decline in play and the decline in children's well-being are directly correlated: “Our thesis is that a primary cause of the rise in mental disorders (among children and teens) is a decline over decades in opportunities for children and teens to play, roam and engage in other activities, independent of direct oversight and control by adults.” In this episode we discuss the fascinating research explored in this study, the difference in our freewheeling neighborhood childhoods and our own kids' more curated daily existences, and how letting our children take independent risks—and even get a few bum

How do we start to get our babies sleeping through the night, and how do we know whether they're old enough to do so? Margaret shares what worked for her when she had little ones. For at least the first eight weeks of a baby's life, ignore the people telling you that your baby needs to be on a schedule. Their schedule is feeding upon demand, and that's going to involve some nighttime wakings. Once the baby is at least eight weeks old, and with your pediatrician's go-ahead, you can start to shape the baby's day versus their night. Day should be bright, exciting, and lively. Night should be dark, calm, and quiet. When the baby wakes up during the night, they should be put back to sleep with minimal activity and sound—feedings and changing of diapers should be quiet and quick. It can help to send in the non-breastfeeding partner for the first waking of the night to get the baby back to sleep without feeding, and to start building longer stretches of time where the baby will sleep. Always consult your pediatric

Can we make kids more anxious by being too protective? If kids are statistically safer than ever, why does it feel so hard to keep our kids safe? Psychologist Dr. Camilo Ortiz explains how such overparenting can be counterproductive for kids, and how to take a step back. Dr. Ortiz is the developer of "Independence Therapy," a new treatment for child anxiety. Margaret and Dr. Ortiz discuss: -why kids today have less freedom -how less freedom contributes to anxiety in kids -how the definition of "good parenting" has changed over the years Here's where you can find Dr. Ortiz: -X: @DrCamiloOrtiz -https://drcamiloortiz.squarespace.com/ -Dr. Camilo Ortiz and Lenore Skenazy for the NYT: "This Simple Fix Could Help Anxious Kids" -Listen to our Fresh Take with Lenore Skenazy We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advic

How can positive psychology help us create more of what we want for ourselves in this new year? Life coach Ann Imig takes Margaret and Amy through some of her coursework and tells us how to connect our already-existing personality strengths to more joy and well-being. Ann Imig is an award-winning writer, speaker, and performer, currently working as a certified positive psychology life coach. In 2010 she created the nationwide storytelling series and book titled Listen to Your Mother. Ann, Amy, and Margaret discuss: -taking stock of the previous year and using that knowledge to create what's next -how the character strengths quiz can help you create more well-being -how to get more of what we want in 2024 Here's where you can find Ann Imig: -ListenLifeCoaching.com -Get a free 30-minute consultation with Ann! -Preview the "Year BEGIN" Workshop -Listen to Ann's podcast "It's Pronounced Memwah" with Wendy Aarons and Mariana Olenko -Take the character strengths quiz: https://viacharacter.org/ We love the spon

Do your kids fight as much as they breathe? It's as normal as it is infuriating. This week Amy answers a question from our Instagram page: Man, am I struggling. My kids are four and two and all they do is fight. It’s constant. (The four year old is a girl and the two year old is a boy.) They hit, scream, fight, all morning and night. I try not to react too much, but... you get the idea. This kind of fighting is definitely in the #itgetsbetter category, but it's an extremely intense season while you're in it. The first thing to let go of is that siblings should get along, love each other, live in perfect harmony. For the next six months or a year, keep them separate! One in the yard, one in the playroom. One coloring in the kitchen, one playing trucks on the windowsill. Lower any expectations you have around what they should be doing together, and the fighting will go down. Blank-facing is the other arrow in your quiver. Fighting is not interesting to you. If someone is actually hurt, tend to the injured par

If you're parent of a child with ADHD, you are familiar with the battles of will that can result. What are the best ways to help kids with ADHD succeed without either coddling them or coming down too hard on them? Are you the parent of a child with ADHD who feels like nothing you try is working? Ryan Wexelblatt, also known as the "ADHD Dude," is here to help. Ryan, a licensed clinical social worker and father to a son with ADHD, creates content for the ADHDude YouTube channel and ADDitude Magazine. Ryan also provides parent training, in-person school-year programs, and a summer camp for boys.  Ryan, Amy, and Margaret discuss: -How to talk to kids with siblings who have ADHD -Why behavior prompts actually don't help long-term -How to use scaffolding to build important skills for kids Firm boundaries and consistency, rather than permissive parenting or special treatment, are going to help kids with ADHD more in the long-run, Ryan explains. Helping kids visualize the consequences of their actions– whethe

Sometimes all the "treasure every moment, Mama" content can make us feel like it's all downhill from here, that as our kids get older, each year of parenting becomes a little less special. This suspicion is confirmed when we're with our little ones at the grocery store and an older woman takes us in, nods knowingly, then says with a raised eyebrow, "Just you wait." But wait for what? Does only peril and sass-mouth lie ahead? In this episode we discuss how parenting changes, and why that change is not to be feared or resisted. Some things honestly change for the better. Some things for sure you miss. But all change is absolutely, totally okay. For more on this topic, and in particular the answers to "yes but when does it change for the EASIER?", check out our episode Your Life Begins Again When... (The Second Half of Parenting) We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.c

Right now there's a mental health crisis among teenagers. But teens are also highly emotional creatures by design. Adolescent psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour thinks the two are starting to get conflated– and that means parents and educators can sometimes overcorrect in their responses to teens' emotional outbursts. Dr. Lisa Damour co-hosts the Ask Lisa podcast and writes about adolescents for the The New York Times, in addition to her clinical practice. She is the author of two New York Times bestsellers: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood and Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. Dr. Lisa's latest book is called The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents. In this interview Amy and Lisa discuss: -Why good sleep is the first thing we need to help dysregulated teens solve -What the pandemic actually revealed about teens' mental health -Key myths and misconceptions about adoles

From how to eat a Reese's peanut butter cup, to *not* saving the pandas, to the forever-ban of helium balloons, our listeners are funny moms who are willing to die on some pretty tiny hills. Here's what mountains you all are making out of mole hills– plus a few of our own tiny battles. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, toddler, baby, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

’Tis the season for traditions— most of that holiday work shopped for, planned, and generally upheld by moms. And for some of us, sending 300 holiday cards or creating a new tableau for a six-inch elf every night before bed really gets us in the holiday spirit. But most of us, at this time of year, have more to do than hours to do it. Many of us think we’re done shopping and only then remember Aunt Doris who is impossible to buy for (and has expressed specific disappointment in giftcards). Many of us have kids at whom we may have raised our voices after the fifth or sixth question about when we were going to make all the Christmas cookies this year.  So we asked our listeners: What are the holiday traditions that you love and work great for your family? What are the things you’d rather never do again but feel like you can’t stop now? In this episode, we discuss your responses, plus: -how to get out from under the traditions you wished you never started -what to consider before letting a new tra

Are picky eaters a reflection of their parenting? How in control are moms and das when it comes to kids' willingness to eat a variety of foods? Amy Palanjian, creator of yummytoddlerfood.com and author of the NYT bestselling book DINNERTIME SOS, is here to reframe our parental anxieties around feeding our kids every single day. Amy and Margaret discuss: -where to start when it comes to feeding your picky eater -why we shouldn't expect kids to "make healthy choices" -how to make dinnertime less stressful for everyone Here's where you can find Amy: -@yummytoddlerfood -yummytoddlerfood.com -Buy DINNERTIME SOS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593578506 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles,

We look back on our favorite parenting tips and takeaways we learned this year. Here's the Spotify playlist with all of our favorite episodes from 2023! Here are the parenting experts who changed our thinking the most, the listeners who made us laugh the most, and what we're going to carry with us into the new year. We also shout out the fantastic small team that makes What Fresh Hell and our podcast network, Adalyst Media, run so smoothly. All women, all amazing. Our listeners are amazing, too. Thank you for being part of our funny, fun, supportive community. If you haven't yet, join our Facebook group, the last good place on the internet: https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, pa

We’re in Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Countdown! To keep you company while you slowly lose your mind, we’re re-running some of our favorite holiday episodes. This week we're revisiting "Handling the Holiday Craziness" — need we say more? Each December 25th, most moms look at a living room full of scattered wrapping paper and vow to do less next year. Then Black Friday rolls around. But can you really downshift on how much Santa brings once a baseline has been established?  This week Amy and Margaret talk about managing the holiday craziness. (Disclaimer: for both of us, that does mean Christmas, although we feel the pain of the Hanukkah Harriets out there, we really do). Here’s some of what’s discussed in this episode:   -how to get your kids more involved in holiday preparations— at any age - the very appealing “three kings, three gifts” rule -how to carefully consider any new holiday “traditions” before instating them (we’re looking at you, Elf on the Shelf) -how the Laws of Holid

How does our cultural upbringing influence the way we parent? Ed Center, founder of Village Well Parenting, discusses how culturally grounded positive parenting can bring connection, joy, and healing to both kid-raisers and educators. Ed has spent his career supporting low-income, underrepresented youth and adults by helping them gain access to the resources necessary to thrive. He started The Village Well to bring more connection, joy, and healing to families of color. In this interview, Amy and Ed discuss: -The lack of attention to diverse cultures and traditions in traditional parenting courses and literature -How generational wisdom can sometimes come from the same source as generational trauma -How to stay calm when your children are not Here's where you can find Ed: -https://www.villagewellparenting.com -IG: @villagewellparenting -FB: @thevillagewell -TikTok: @queerbrowndad -Sign up for First Fridays with Ed on this page We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always fi

The average adult makes 35,000 decisions a day. The average "default parent" makes a lot more than that. No wonder we suffer from decision fatigue. The more decisions we have to make, the more fatigue we develop, and the more difficult it can become to function. So how can we combat the frustration, apathy, and resentment that result from having to make all the decisions in the family? In this episode we discuss: -how decision fatigue manifests—and how it differs from burnout -the best time of day to make hard decisions -why "going with the flow" is not actually a thing Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: -Sara Berg for the American Medical Association: "What doctors wish patients knew about decision fatigue

We’re in Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Countdown! To keep you company while you slowly lose your mind, we’re re-running some of our favorite holiday episodes. This week we're revisiting our interview with Susan Katz Miller, author of THE INTERFAITH FAMILY JOURNAL. The holidays are always intense, and if your family is an intersection of multiple traditions, it can really ratchet up the pressure for perfection times two. Which is when it’s time to maintain perspective. As Susan explains: “I try to help people to understand that if they're having conflict often, it's not about religious difference. It's not about theology. It's not about whether there was an actual physical resurrection or not. It's usually about whether to put the fried onions on the green bean casserole or not.” In this episode we discuss -why every family is an interfaith family -how to reduce conflict about traditions with your spouse’s extended family -how to help your spouse when the hard feelings are on your family’s side

What does it mean to be "touched out" as a mom? And once we know it's a thing—as anyone who's experienced it firsthand can attest—is there anything we can actually do about it? Amanda Montei, author of the popular Substack Mad Woman and the new book TOUCHED OUT, has studied the phenomenon of "maternal touch aversion" in both the literal and metaphorical senses. In this interview, Amanda, Margaret, and Amy discuss: -what being "touched out" really means—and why guilt and shame often accompanies it -the "very not normal" conditions of today's American parenting -how can we can begin to claim the space we want for our own selves, and model that for our children Here's where you can find Amanda: -https://www.amandamontei.com/ -Mad Woman Substack: https://amandamontei.substack.com/ -@amontei on IG [email protected] on Facebook -Buy TOUCHED OUT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780807013274 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all

We all have things we dread about the holiday season, whether we celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or a combination of the above. In this episode we are here to list all the "fresh hells" of this time of year, like: the terrors of Santa's lap the people who are impossible to buy for the grandparents who take all of our best gift ideas the approaching storm system as you check in for your flight to Nana's We do love the holidays, though. Really, we do. Remind us of that. This episode was inspired by this discussion on our Facebook page: What do you dread most about the holiday season? Join the fun: https://facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re in Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Countdown! To keep you company while you slowly lose your mind, we’re re-running some of our favorite holiday episodes. This week we're revisiting "The Most Everything Time of the Year" and how the intensity really ratches up as soon as Thanksgiving is behind us. Are you juggling “dress as your favorite reindeer” day at preschool with frantic texts from your sister-in-law asking what your spouse wants for Christmas? Are you feeling like hiding under the covers instead of hitting the office holiday party?  It’s the most everything time of the year, and women report the holidays as being far more stressful than men do.  In this episode we discuss how to manage the holiday stress, how to accept the non-cozy feelings that may arise, and why it’s okay to dial back if you’re really not feeling the holiday spirit.  Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:  Pooja Lakshmin on Instagram @womensmentalhealthdoc Greenberg Qu

How can we set reasonable limits for our kids without negotiating every single time they're tested? Erica Ladd and Kelsey Wharton, co-hosts of "The Girl Next Door Podcast," discuss tips for setting boundaries—and not just at the holidays, but all year round. Margaret, Kelsey, and Erica discuss: Why holidays are so boundary-crushing Everyday actions you can take to practice setting boundaries Why boundaries are not just for handling "crazymakers" Here's where you can find Kelsey and Erica: https://www.girlnextdoorpodcast.com/ @higirlsnextdoor on Instagram Listen to the GND episode "Ten Things We're NOT Doing This Christmas" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you and your spouse slipped into "angry partners at the 24/7 daycare" mode since your baby was born? Here's why relationships change after kids, and some real solutions that can help us get through it. Amy and Margaret discuss: The number-one reason relationships change after a baby is born Helpful perspectives for maintaining sanity during early parenthood Small steps for building back connection with your partner Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Jessica Grose for the NYT: Fighting Constantly after Baby? Read This Doss BD, et al. The Effect of the Transition to Parenthood on Relationship Quality: An Eight-Year Prospective Study. Alex Vance for Verywell Family: 4 Ways To Focus On Your Relationship When the Kids Keep You Busy Jessica Grose for the NYT: Bickering More After Kids? Learn how to avoid the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse. Christina Caron for the NYT: How to Reconnect with Your Partner After Kids Judd Apatow: "Who Slept Worse?" Ch

We’re in Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Countdown! To keep you company while you slowly lose your mind, we’re re-running some of our favorite holiday episodes. This one is about the "holiday creep" which, if you're reading this, has already begun... "Holiday Creep" is well on its way to being an entry in Merriam-Webster's dictionary. And with good reason. Amy and Margaret bemoan the fact the Christmas seems to start ever earlier, and weigh in on their strategies for managing the gift giving, decorating, and scheduling craziness at this time of year. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why Margaret is everyone's Christmas nightmare The 3 best rules for holiday gift giving When Christmas should REALLY start The solution to all the madness? Let the laws of holiday attrition work in your favor! If something falls off the list of priorities or is just no longer fun, take it off the calendar. Ask for a no-gift-exchange policy amongst family, friends, and coworkers, and find your "no" when it comes to holiday events, tas

What can we do when life seems to be falling down around our ears? Nicole Walters, author of the new book NOTHING IS MISSING: A MEMOIR OF LIVING BOLDLY, explains how to create our own fresh starts‒ and the joy that accompanies them. Nicole Walters is the host of "The Nicole Walters Podcast", a motivational speaker, and the mother of three adopted daughters. Nicole, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How to pour into your community with gentleness, grace and honesty How "fresh starts" can help you take control of your life  Why vulnerability is essential to connection Here's where you can find Nicole: https://nicolewalters.com @nicolewalters (IG) @MonetizeThyself (FB) Listen to the Nicole Walters podcast Buy NOTHING IS MISSING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668000953 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Vi

We’re doing a Deep Dive into our best episodes around a single topic. Find the Spotify playlist for this “Deep Dive” here. This group of episodes is about parenting kids who don’t fit the mold. This week, we’re revisiting this episode from 2021. When a parent first hears about highly sensitive kids– or their opposite, sensory seekers– it can provide a profound moment of recognition, of connecting the dots for things about our kids that up until now have baffled us. We think understanding these sensory tendencies can help us parent our kids more effectively and compassionately. Not every kid who shows hyper- or hypo-sensitivity will go on to require occupational therapy, struggle in school, or anything else. But as childmind.org explains, ""These problems can be tough on kids, and get in the way of them functioning effectively, learning, and making friends." Every kid who displays these behaviors and preferences can benefit from a parent who understands and can therefore effectively support and

Sign up for "What Fresh Hell + " to get every one of our episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps: $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. There are some things in life that sound more fun in the planning stage than they are in the execution, and those things are statistically proven to be done more frequently by parents. We asked our listeners to tell us their lists of things that should be fun, but aren't. As the record will show, our listeners are sadly, completely correct. Don't say you weren't warned. Here's the link to the episode of The Mom Hour episode a few of our listeners mentioned: We Hate Fun! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What can we do to foster relationships between our kids and their grandparents? A listener in our Facebook group asked: "A question for those of you sandwiched between kiddos and elders in your home. How do you encourage interaction between the two ends of the spectrum? Our elder is old-school and equates time with our kiddo as a time to treat them with food and gifts. How do you support this relationship?" It's important to realize that in any interaction that you are trying to foster, that you don't have a tremendous amount of control, Margaret says. That being said, you can lay out guidelines and be very clear that, for example, "we only eat between these hours and this hour, and this is how we approach this kind of food. And so please limit the amount of treats you give my kid to one a day." You can go over this boundary with your kid as well. If your child has overlapping interests with any of their grandparents, that's a great place to start. You can also direct your child to talk to their grandparents

What if leadership wasn't about being in charge, but about serving others? Mother Gopi Gita, is the founder of Leadership Parenting and Vice Principal at TKG Academy, an independent private school in Dallas, Texas. She's also the author of LEADERSHIP PARENTING, in which she defines leadership as "serving others with collaborative decision-making." That goes for parents and kids both! In this interview, Mother Gopi and Amy discuss: The three guiding principles for leadership parenting How to know when our child's "connection needs" are being met How to turn defiance into loving conversation Here's where you can find Mother Gopi: www.gopigita.com @leadershipparenting on IG Buy LEADERSHIP PARENTING: https://gopigita.com/new-book We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re doing a Deep Dive into our best episodes around a single topic. Find the Spotify playlist for this “Deep Dive” here. This group of episodes is about parenting kids who don’t fit the mold. This week, we’re revisiting our episode from 2022, "When the World Moves Too Fast for Our Kids." When we look at our kids– and think of the responsibilities we had and risks we took at their ages– a lot of us think our kids are growing up more slowly. This is definitely not always a bad thing. But when our kid is playing Pokémon and their peers have moved on to Snapchat, should we be encouraging them to blossom? Or letting them stay young a little longer? Amy and Margaret discuss: why it's good to have "young" kids when to rescue, and when to leave them alone how to make our own homes safe havens for our kids to be exactly who they are Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Camille Noe Pagán for WebMD: "Is It Immaturity or ADHD?" Alloprof Parents: "5 ways to suppor

Growth mindset is the belief that one's abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. Makes sense, but is it the number-one secret to our kids' future happiness and success? Is fixed mindset a death knell for our children's potential? Amy and Margaret discuss: The current controversy in academia about whether "growth mindset" has been over-emphasized Why it's important to praise our kids' efforts, more than those efforts' outcomes How to foster growth mindset in our kids (hint: it's by example) Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Melinda Wenner Moyer: Is Growth Mindset a Sham? Melinda Wenner Moyer: The Nitty Gritty of Growth Mindset Carol S. Dweck: Mindset Dweck, Carol et al: Praise for intelligence can undermine children's motivation and performance Macnamara, B. N., & Burgoyne, A. P: Do growth mindset interventions impact students’ academic achievement? A systematic review and meta-analysis with recommendations for best p

Is fifth grade way more complicated than it used to be? A listener wrote in to ask: "Is it just me or is 5th grade rough? Is it just my 5th grader and his classmates, or are others experiencing this too? Weird friend drama, lots of emotions, being teased (but in a friendly way?)... It’s a lot. Please tell me I’m not alone!" The average 5th grader is in the 10- to 11-year-old range, and as Vanessa Kroll Bennett and Dr. Cara Natterson recently explained to us, that's become a reasonable age for puberty to begin. (Listen to our Fresh Take with them here.) So it's no wonder that some of them are feeling big emotions, or having sudden drama with the same friends they've had since kindergarten. Even though we may want to Mama Bear the situation and fix everything that's wrong, it's developmentally appropriate for kids of this age to experience discomfort of a social, mental, and yes, physical, nature. The best thing you can do is make your home a safe space for whatever emotions your child is feeling about all

How do we talk to our kids about all the complicated topics our world presents them with? Dr. Robyn Silverman, child and teen development specialist, is the author of the bestselling book How to Talk to Kids About Anything and host of the podcast How to Talk to Kids About Anything, gives us scripts for having hard conversations with our kids. In this interview Dr. Silverman, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The downside to parents not talking to kids about hard things The biggest mistakes parents make when talking to kids Why tough conversations are worthwhile for reasons that go far beyond what might be discussed Here's where you can find Dr. Silverman: DrRobynSilverman.com @DrRobynSilverman on socials Buy HOW TO TALK TO KIDS ABOUT ANYTHING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781728246987 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your

We’re doing a Deep Dive into our best episodes around a single topic. Find the Spotify playlist for this “Deep Dive” here. This group of episodes is about parenting kids who don’t fit the mold. This week, we’re revisiting our episode of that name from 2021 Sooner or later, most parents discover that their kid doesn't fit society's mold in one way or another. But there's "quirky" kids with unusual haircuts, and then there's the kids who really do their own thing, with or without peer approval. In this episode, we're talking about the latter. Those parents will recognize what Dr. Perri Klass calls "the pivotal moment": "not just one moment of extreme behavior in your kid, but the last in a series of impossible-to-explain-away behavior that resonates with the parent's long-considered and long-avoided fears. It crystallizes in a parent's mind all the floating anxieties and worries of many months." It’s especially challenging for us when our kids are outside the norm because we can't help but think

We’re on YouTube Music! Watch and listen at this link: What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood We've all had times when our kids resist every. single. thing. you tell them to do. When is it part of a larger problem, and even if it's not, how do we manage the exhausting defiance? Amy and Margaret discuss: How to keep track of a kid's defiance in order to figure out where it's coming from Gut-check questions to ask yourself to ascertain where ODD might be what's happening the "two free requests" approach Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Katherine Lee for VeryWell Family: Effective Ways to Handle Defiant Children Royce Flippin for Additude: Why Is My Child So Angry and Defiant? An Overview of Oppositional Defiant Disorder Dr. Douglas Riley: The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder Mount Sinai Parenting Center: Positive Opposites We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals

Moms of little kids are touched all day, every day. So what happens when it's supposedly our spouse's turn at the end of the day, but we're just not in the mood for cuddling? This week a listener asks: "I’ve been really wanting my own space lately. I have two preschoolers and I’m nursing a baby. Basically, I’m touched out. I feel terribly bad because yesterday when I got everyone down for a nap, my husband (who is working from home) asked if he could snuggle with me. I said sure, but then asked him to leave so that I could rest. He caught me red-handed scrolling on my phone a couple of minutes later, and I had to admit I just didn’t want to snuggle. I really hurt his feelings. What can I say? Feeling really guilty… but I just want my own space! Is there a nice way to handle it when you don’t want to be touched?" The problem here isn't the snuggles, it's the communication. It's 100% reasonable to feel all touched out but also understandable for your spouse to feel hurt when he is cuddle-rejected. H

Why is it that we can find ourselves in a marriage with someone we thought we knew but with whom we can't effectively communicate? Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, author of I Didn’t Sign Up For This, talks us through breaking negative cycles in our relationships. Dr. Tracy Dalgleish is a clinical psychologist, relationship expert, and voice behind @drtracyd. Dr. Dalgleish and Margaret discuss: Why dating doesn't prepare us for marriage The most common problems couples have, and what's really underneath those issues The best way to approach difficult conversations with our partners Here's where you can find Dr. Dalgleish: https://www.drtracyd.com/ @drtracyd on IG / FB @pesipublishing on IG Buy I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781683736622 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphon

We’re doing a Deep Dive into our best episodes around a single topic. Find the Spotify playlist for this “Deep Dive” here. This group of episodes is about parenting kids who don’t fit the mold. This week, we’re revisiting our episode on meeting our kids where they are. It's hard not to be a little nervous when your kid is the only one still crying at preschool drop-off. Or the only one still spelling everything wrong in third grade. Sometimes it turns out to be a late bloomer situation, nothing to worry about. Sometimes it's an early indicator of something your kid might struggle with for a long time. How do we move beyond our own stress about what our kids are and aren't doing like the rest of the bunch? How do we adjust our demands to meet what our kids are actually capable of? How do we set our parental expectations so that our kids will be motivated to try harder without feeling bad about themselves? It's a tricky balance, best summed up by parent coach Sarah Wayland: "If we never had expectati

Did you grow up thinking everyone's family has a tooth fairy that leaves tin foil behind instead of coins? Said "padiddle" whenever a car with a single headlight drove past? We asked our listeners what they grew up thinking everyone else's families did too... only to find out that nope, it was just them. Here's the link for "Throw Your Tooth on the Roof: Tooth Traditions from Around the World" See the original Facebook thread here We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do we handle a life-changing diagnosis for our child without falling apart? A concerned mother asked for support in our Facebook group: "My sweet seven-year-old son just got two very life-altering diagnoses. I hate that he's going to have pain and struggle in his life. That some options for his life are off the table because of his diagnoses. He's just starting his life and already has so much stacked against him. My brain won't stop thinking; my fingers won't stop reaching for more information. How do you cope with this as a mother?" Amy tells this parent that she's right: this is a lot to handle, and she's not wrong to think so. Parents dealing with chronically ill children need to give themselves permission to feel all their feelings. Taking time for themselves is an important part of staying mentally healthy for the long haul. Real-life support is also crucial—and that can also include emails, phone calls, and online chats with parents you may never have met, but who are dealing with similar struggl

How can we empower kids to recognize and manage difficult feelings, especially when those skills may be new to us too? Alyssa Blask Campbell, author of the new book TINY HUMANS, BIG EMOTIONS, shows us how to foster emotional intelligence in our kids. Alyssa is the CEO of Seed & Sew, which supports teachers and families with tools for regulation, connection, and emotional intelligence. Alyssa is also the host of the podcast “Voices of Your Village.” Alyssa, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The main difference between parenting today and how most of us were parented The five components of emotional intelligence Collaborative Emotional Processing, Alyssa's framework for building long-term emotional intelligence in kids Here's where you can find Alyssa:  https://www.seedandsew.org @seed.and.sew on IG Buy TINY HUMANS, BIG EMOTIONS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063306264 Listen to the "Voices of Your Village" podcast - a new addition to the Adalyst Media network! We love the sponsors that make thi

“Information overload” is defined as the tipping point when the input of information exceeds an individual’s capacity to process it all. When we begin to feel overwhelmed and stressed by the amount of information that is available, we can end up feeling more stressed and overwhelmed than knowledgeable. For parents, the urge to find certainty through online research—only to end up feeling even less certain—is particularly common. How can we make the constant availability of information, useful and otherwise, work for us rather than against? Amy and Margaret discuss: How "information overload" can reduce decision-making abilities Whether obsessive internet searching is the result, or cause, of low self-confidence in parents How to know your limits, and then set them Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Terese Glatz and Melissa A. Lippold. “Is more information always better? Associations among parents’ online information searching, information overload, and self-e

What do we do when we disagree with our parenting partners about bedtime routines for our little ones? Here's how to get on the same side of the net against this issue. A listener writes: "My husband and I disagree about how to handle bedtime for our 5-year-old. It’s been a struggle to get her to sleep before 11 pm. My husband wants to tell her "you need to be in bed now" when it’s 9 pm or 9:30. This kicks off a huge temper tantrum and sets bedtime back even further. I say, just let her play until she’s tired. Any advice on how to handle different approaches to bedtime routines?" Kids of preschool age need about 10-13 hours of sleep (including naps), so if a 5-year-old is going to bed at 11 p.m., they may not be getting enough rest. On the other hand, changing up a young child's bedtime routine can result in an "extinction burst," or a pushback against this new and unexpected boundary. Know ahead of time that it may take about two weeks of hard work to successfully establish a new bedtime with your chil

These days, early is normal for puberty onset—and early is REALLY early. That means kids whose brains might not match the way they look, and parents who are freaking out about how to bring these delicate matters up in conversation. Help is here! Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett, co-hosts of The Puberty Podcast and co-authors of the new book This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, offer clear explanations (for parents and kids both!) and ways to start talking. Margaret, Amy, Vanessa, and Cara discuss: How puberty has changed in the past few decades Why we should treat kids as the age they are, not the age they appear Why "the talk" isn't a one-and-done conversation Here's where you can find Vanessa and Cara: https://orderofmagnitude.co/ IG and TikTok: @spillingthepubertea Buy This is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593580950 Listen to The Puberty Podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special

Whether it's the dreaded email sent to the wrong person or greetings gone wrong, we've all got moments we can't stop playing in our heads over and over. Here are some of our cringiest moments. Amy and Margaret discuss: Grammar school cringe High school cringe Dating cringe We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How can we support our kids' self-esteem when they take their frustrations out on themselves? Amy offers some tips for helping kids express frustration without getting down on themselves in the process. Keara asks: "My 4-year-old daughter is in preschool and just moved into a new classroom. Since then she’s been saying some unsettling things when she’s upset or thinks she’s in trouble. She’ll curl into a ball on the floor and say things like “I’m not good enough,” or “I ruined everything,” or “I’m not beautiful enough." I’m so afraid that’s the beginning of her inner monologue. How can I help her unlearn that kind of thinking at home?" Asking your child's teacher if there is in fact negative messaging happening at school is a good place to start. And you'll also want to ascertain if your kid is showing low frustration tolerance at school as well as at home, because the issue may lie more with increased frustration than with decreased self-esteem. If your child is saying these thing

We may think that eliminating all anxiety from our kids' lives is the endgame. But Dr. Catherine McCarthy, Heather Tedesco, PhD, and Jennifer Weaver, authors of the new book "Raising a Kid Who Can," discuss why admitting you don't have all the answers is actually necessary to help kids thrive. Dr. Catherine McCarthy, Heather Tedesco, PhD, and Jennifer Weaver, LCSW are mental health experts, whose work provides parents with the tools they need to navigate a complex world and help their kids move from anxious to adaptable. Margaret, Jennifer, Catherine, and Heather discuss: Why we're living in the age of anxiety—and how to help kids navigate it Why letting our kids talk about their feelings too much can backfire Why the goal isn't zero anxiety Here's where you can find Catherine, Heather, and Jennifer: www.raisingakidwhocan.com @akidwhocan on IG #raisingakidwhocan Buy RAISING A KID WHO CAN: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523518593 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can alwa

Why do we find it hard to stay connected to our friends without kids? Does the total separation of our daily experience, once we become parents, mean those friendships cannot remain the same? Allison P. Davis's recent cover story for New York magazine, When One Friend Has a Baby and the Other Doesn't, explored this dilemma from the childfree-by-choice point of view. Here's our own take on how our friendships have morphed and changed since we became parents. In this episode we discuss: Why our friends without kids aren't wrong to be annoyed by us sometimes Why we’re not conditioned to put the same amount of effort into friendships as we do other relationships How to know if a friendship is worth the long-term effort Here are links to some other resources mentioned in this episode: Christine Organ for Motherly: Motherhood feels lonelier than ever Fortesa Latifi for The Washington Post: "Spoon theory: What it is and how I use it to manage chronic illness" Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter!

Do we have the authority to keep other kids off their own devices in our home? A listener wrote in to ask: "How have you all handled other kids' devices in your home? My 9-year-old daughter has neighborhood friends come over most days. There is an 11-year-old with an iPhone and little to no restrictions on its use. Is it overstepping to say that if another kid's device comes in, it has to stay on our kitchen table until they leave?" Margaret says that it's totally within your control to decide how devices are used in your own house. Have a basket where phones and tablets can be placed at the beginning of a playdate. Or allow their use only in the areas of the house where you can monitor their use. Don't feel bad about keeping a hard line, even if you get comments or eyerolls from kids. You'll feel much better if you don't have to constantly worry about what kids might be doing on their devices in your house—because that really is your responsibility. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers! For trusted pro

How can we talk about America’s ongoing legacy of racism without sliding into despair? In his new memoir HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND, Esau McCaulley tells his own story—and questions why Black failure is judged collectively, while Black success is perceived as the merit of an individual. Rev. Esau McCaulley, PhD, is an author and associate professor of New Testament at Wheaton College. His work has been published in The New York Times, The Atlantic, the Washington Post, and Christianity Today. Esau and Amy discuss: Why "escaping poverty" is a misleading term How experiences that set the context for heroic bravery also create the possibility for failure What caused Esau to change his definition of justice Here's where you can find Esau: www.esaumccaulley.com @OfficialEsauMcCaulley on Facebook @esaumccaulley on Twitter on Instagram Buy HOW FAR TO THE PROMISED LAND: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593241080 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the speci

Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. How do we maintain healthy relationships with our extended family, whether they live five or five hundred miles away? Amy and Margaret talk about how their own extended families operate, and what works best to keep everyone connected. Amy and Margaret discuss: The types of conflicts that extended families typically experience The value of extended family—whether or not they live nearby How to model healthy extended family relationships for your kids Here are some links to further reading on the topic: Michele Meleen for Love to Know: Definition of Extended Families: Meanings and Roles Kiley Hurst for Pew Research Center: More than half of Americans live within an hour of extended family Frank Bruni for The NYT: "Tolstoy and Miss Da

How do we get our savvy stallers to get ready for bed in a reasonable amount of time? Amy gives a listener some tools for speeding up a bedtime slowpoke. Nici came to our Facebook group to ask: "Please help this mom of a very smart and savvy 11-year old who is some kind of Jedi master of STALLING. He knows it’s bedtime. He doesn’t want to go to bed. But instead of outright complaining, he subtly and consistently stalls his bedtime by doing little tiny things to stall the process. Pointing out each little thing he’s doing in order to stall is annoying and only makes him dig his heels in more. I love him so much, and I know this is all probably a ploy for attention, BUT COME ON. I feel like we give him a LOT of attention throughout the day and in general. What can I do?" What is your kid getting out of stalling? Maybe they do want to just stay up later. It could be that his bedtime needs to be rolled back by half an hour. You can also try doing the unpreferred activities before the preferred one. All the

After Minna Dubin's New York Times essay on mom rage went viral, she received hundreds of messages from other parents, thanking her for daring to explore something most of us would rather pretend doesn't exist. Dubin was therefore inspired to write the new book MOM RAGE: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood, to explore what exactly mom rage is, where it comes from, and what we can do about it. Minna's writing has appeared in the New York Times, Salon, Parents, among others, and as a leading feminist voice on mom rage, Minna has appeared on MSNBC, Good Morning America, and NPR. In this interview, Minna and Amy discuss: Why mom rage is a complex multi-phase physiological and psychological cycle that starts long before we explode The societal neglect of mothers, and how it contributes What does—and doesn't—work to mitigate our mom rage We discussed Minna's original essay, and our own takes on mom rage, in this additional episode. Here's where you can find Minna: @minnadubin on IG, Twitter, Threads

One day out of school? Fine, here’s the remote. But by day four of a low-grade temp— just enough to keep the kid home— most parents get rather desperate for ideas. We are both unfortunate experts on the topic of kids’ sick days, and here's what we've learned. This is a "Best Of" episode from the pre-Covid days. If your kid might have Covid, definitely ignore any "they're probably fine, just send them" advice you may hear in this episode! Amy and Margaret discuss: what you should already have around the house in anticipation of those “Mommy, I don’t feel well” moments  why sick days are not the time to introduce a new skill  why we must always beware secondary gain Here’s links to some research and articles with great ideas for sick-day kids that we discuss: Stephanie Morgan for Momtastic: 10 Activities When Sickness Has You Stuck At Home from NPR: Should My Slightly Sick Child Stay Home? The Rules Often Conflict and most importantly, this sobering read, from Heather Murphy for

How do we help our kids navigate the possibility of going viral online for one little mistake? Devorah Heitner, author of the new book Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World, explains how we can protect our kids online without invading their privacy. Devorah Heitner is a leading authority on raising resilient and kind kids in our always-connected world. Her writing on kids and technology has appeared in The New York Times and The Washington Post, among others. Devorah, Amy, and Margaret discuss: what accountability for mistakes should look like for kids what drives parents to overtrack their kids online - and the consequences mentoring versus monitoring our kids' digital activity Here's where you can find Devorah: Instagram: @devorahheitnerphd Twitter: @DevorahHeitner Website: devorahheitner.com Buy GROWING UP IN PUBLIC: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593420966 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our curr

Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  Getting-ready playlists? Choosing outfits the night before? Bringing snacks to the pickup line? We asked our audience about their favorite back-to-school tips... and we also allowed some venting about back-to-school craziness as well. Amy and Margaret discuss: To make lunch or not to make lunch How to keep outfits clean at breakfast The best time to grocery shop Here are links to resources mentioned in the episode: Read the full Facebook thread here and if you're not already part of our amazing group, you can join at www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast! Watch the short film Amy mentions: "How Was Your Day?" directed by Allison Hadar and Maddie Corman We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the s

How do we get rid of the giant dollhouse or racecar track that our kid insists they ALWAYS play with? (Even though they don't.) Here's how to clean house while remaining on your kid's team. A listener on Facebook asks: "How have you been able to get your younger children to part with toys? I’m trying to get rid of the giant four-foot dollhouse we were gifted several years ago. My daughter is 4 and I think she only ever played with it 3 or 4 times (years ago), yet she is so attached to it! Did I mention it’s huge?! Oh and I hate it! I typically get rid of things they don’t play with when the they aren’t around, but this is like a piece of furniture and she’ll definitely notice its absence." There are two paths to getting this dollhouse out once and for all, Margaret explains. Playing the role of teammate and the role of benevolent dictator. Playing teammate means asking for your kid's help on how to get the dollhouse to someone who would appreciate it more. Playing benevolent dictator means acknowled

How do we teach our children that it's not okay to say mean things about family members, especially in front of them? Diana emailed us to say: "My 5-year-old daughter has a clear and strong preference for my in-laws versus my own parents, I think because she saw more of them when she was little, so is more comfortable with them. It hurts my feelings and also hurts theirs. She is very honest about her feelings and will say that she doesn’t want them to come over, doesn’t want them to sit next to her, doesn’t want them to stay when they do come over. I hoped by seeing them more she would warm up and she usually does have a good time with them once she settles in, but she’s still saying hurtful things. I would greatly appreciate any advice on making the situation more manageable." When children are expressing repeated resistance to spending time with certain grownups, it's always important to rule out whether there's another, more serious and unexpressed reason for that resistance. Once that's been rul

How do we reconcile the desire to give our kids independence with the desire to protect them from the world? Dr. Emily Edlynn, author of the new book Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent, Confident Children, explains how we can let go of the anxiety-driven controlling impulses inherent in modern parenting. In this interview, Dr. Edlynn and Margaret discuss: The intersection of autonomy-supportive parenting and neurodiverse kids What an autonomy-supportive environment looks like (and what gets in the way) Tools we can use to prevent overparenting Here's where you can find Dr. Edlynn: www.emilyedlynnphd.com @DrEmilyEdlynn on IG, Twitter, LinkedIn The Art and Science of Mom, Emily Edlynn, PhD on FB Buy AUTONOMY-SUPPORTIVE PARENTING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781641709767 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/prom

Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z We've got a mom for that! We asked our listeners what specialties you're the go-to people for. In this episode we discuss those unique and useful talents, from being the one who can pack an entire sectional into an SUV, to being the one who can make dinner for six out of a basically empty pantry. To that end, if you'd like to be the mom for that, Amy recommends Sam Sifton's book No-Recipe Recipes in this episode. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

"I am part of a WhatsApp chat with other parents in my child's nursery. It's not set up by the nursery, nor does it seem to have all of the parents in it. The problem is it's very unpleasant and dominated by a small minority of very vocal complainers. It's causing me some anxiety and some distrust of the nursery which objectively seems unwarranted. What can I do?" Group chats are a double-edged sword. Some are amazing, like the What Fresh Hell Facebook group, and some are anxiety-causing and more trouble than they're worth. It's not your job to convince the other parents that they're being too negative - it IS your job to opt out for your own sanity and mental health, though. And it's perfectly fine to do so. You can quit completely or just mute notifications and go in to ask a genuine question every once in a awhile. It can occasionally be useful to know when certain events are happening or if there is an early dismissal, for example. Ultimately, engage with the conversations that are useful, and excuse your

“It's becoming increasingly clear that different ways of being are more 'normal' than most people realize, and that is truer with each passing year," says Debbie Reber, author of Differently Wired: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World. In this "Best of" Fresh Take, Debbie offers concrete, actionable ideas that will allow us to become exceptional parents to our exceptional kids. Debbie Reber is a parenting activist,  bestselling author, speaker, and the founder of TiLT Parenting, a top podcast, community, and educational resource for parents raising differently wired children. Debbie, Amy, and Margaret discuss: why typical suggestions for parenting neurodivergent kids can be inadequate finding opportunities to "tilt" our parenting, rather than struggling to straighten our child why small changes can have big impacts for differently wired kids Here's where you can find Debbie: https://www.debbiereber.com/ @debbiereber on Twitter @DeborahReberAuthor on Facebook Buy Debbie's book:

Sometimes we need to stop trying so hard for things to get easier. We asked our listeners: where’s an area of your parenting where you got better results by doing less?  In this episode we discuss our listeners' best advice on how to parent more lightly by caring less about our children’s: homework potty training outfits palates basic hygiene birthday parties We also talk “bare minimum parenting” in its many forms with guest James Breakwell, author of Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child. James says bare minimum parenting isn’t about the number of kids you have: “Two children aren’t twice as much work as one. If you’re already yelling at the first kid, just add the name of the second kid at the end.” For James, bare minimum parenting is about playing the long game. Can you look around at a group of adults and pick out which ones had baby massage or language-immersion preschool? Okay, sometimes they’re dead ringers. But most of the time you c

At what age are our children ready for the sometimes shark-infested waters of social media? What limits can we set and tactics can we use to keep them safe while allowing them to communicate with their friends and stay connected? Megan sent an email to [email protected] to ask: "I’m getting so worried about social media as my kids grow older. As a mom of three (ages 9, 12, and 14), I find myself at a loss when it comes to navigating this digital landscape. My oldest, who is in 8th grade, is starting to express a desire to get social media. She keeps talking about how all of her friends have it. However, I can’t help but worry about the unrealistic standards it sets, and how that could affect her development and self-esteem. Am I crazy for not wanting her to get Instagram and Tiktok? I want her to grow up like an average kid and not miss out on things her friends are doing. I just wish social media wasn’t so toxic, especially for girls." Your kid is likely telling the truth when she say

Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? Jennifer Wallace, author of the new book Never Enough, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsically. Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and a frequent contributor to the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She lives in New York City with her husband and their three teenagers. Amy, Margaret, and Jennifer discuss: Why achievement pressure is at an all-time high How parents contribute to, but are not solely responsible for, this pressure How to teach our kids that they matter independently of their achievements Here's where you can find Jennifer: jenniferbwallace.com @jenniferbwallace on IG @jennifer.b.wallace on FB Buy Jennifer's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593191866 We love the sponsors that make this s

What happens when the usual parenting advice feels zero-percent applicable to our own situation? The first step is to let go of any "second arrow" self-blame that that is the case. The second step is to chart our own paths. Amy and Margaret discuss: What types of kids may not benefit from the one-size-fits-all parenting advice Why the concept of default parenting advice is harmful Why kids "irritating behaviors" are signs that they are growing and learning appropriately Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sarah Lyons for Western NY Family Magazine: "One Size Doesn't Fit All" Our episode "When Your Kid Doesn't Fit the Mold" Jeanie Lerche Davis for WebMD: 10 Commandments of Good Parenting Dana Bosu: How to Cope When Your Child is Different Andrew Solomon: Far From the Tree Ross Greene: The Explosive Child Rita Eichenstein: Not What I Expected Deborah Reber: Differently Wired Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plu

What do we do when, despite every tactic we can think of, our child refuses to eat dinner? Margaret puts a mom's anxieties around missed meals into perspective. Jillian asks: "What do you do when your two-and-a-half-year-old absolutely refuses to put a lick of dinner in her mouth? Night after night I offer multiple items. We've tried eating on the couch and in front of theTV, hoping the mindless eating scenario might happen. None of it has worked. At my wit's end!" Margaret recommends buying the book Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellen Satter. Satter explains that the parent decides what to serve, and the child decides what to eat. It's not our job to force feed our kids when they would rather be doing anything else. They may simply not be hungry, especially if they had a late afternoon snack. If you think there's something serious underlying this reluctance to eat, definitely reach out to your pediatrician. But if your child eats well at other meals, there is probably not reason for conc

What does it mean to have an identity outside being a mother? How do we forge a new sense of self that includes motherhood but isn't defined by it? Life coach Bea Kim provides tips for defining our true values and then living those values out. Bea Kim is the founder of Parent Refresh, a company that provids parent-focused services through life coaching, fitness, and community, and Awaken, a diversity, equity, and inclusion educational company.  Bea and Margaret discuss: The liminal space between pre- and post-parenthood How mismanaged expectations cause problems for new moms What it means to define our own values and why it's important for mothers Here's where you can find Bea: https://beakim.com/ https://medium.com/bea-kim-coaching on Medium https://www.linkedin.com/in/beabahn/ on LinkedIn @beakimcoaching on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/

We all know someone who causes chaos, lawful and otherwise, wherever they go. Those people, are called "crazymakers," a term first coined by Julia Cameron and which perfectly describes the unwelcome disruption they bring to our own peace of mind. Here's how to spot the crazymakers in your life, and how to avoid getting caught up in their mischief. Margaret and Amy discuss: The true definition of a crazymaker and the three top types Why crazymakers use low-power strategies of dominance How maintaining your own self worth helps deter crazymakers Check us out on YouTube! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do we tell our kids not to curse when they insist that everyone around them—maybe even their parents—do so? Amy explains different scenarios for cursing and what she deems appropriate for her own kids. A listener asks: "Can you talk about when kids curse, when we curse...does it matter? My kids are almost 13 and 15 and they say everyone curses. We allow some cursing—heck, we have even been known to toss out some ourselves—but now I think my oldest curses too much and yet she is a straight A student." When it comes to younger kids, Amy explains, it pays to be strict about cursing or else you'll run out of room to enforce rules around such things when they're older. There's a big difference between cursing at, say, a stubbed toe, and cursing at someone or calling them a curse word. The latter never flies in Amy's house. You can also differentiate for your kids the kinds of conversations that happen amongst friends and those that occur in formal settings like school and work. Special thanks to our sp

Can we grieve the person we were before motherhood? Jamilla Svansson-Brown, who runs a YouTube channel with her wife Que, discusses how motherhood changes us, strengthening marriages, and listening to people with different lived experiences. Jamilla and Que are a two-mom family based in Atlanta, GA, who have been creating content for over 7 years after recognizing a gap in the influencer industry and not seeing creators who were Black Women, Fem/Masc presenting, or a part of the LGBTQ community. Jamilla and Margaret discuss: How parenthood changes our relationships with our partners How the division of labor works in the Svansson-Brown household What it means to be an authentic ally Here's where you can find Jamilla and Que: www.jamillaandque.com @jamillaandque on YouTube, TikTok, and IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more abou

Are people with clean houses doing a bit? Are people with messy ones somehow less worthy? Kendra Adachi, author of THE LAZY GENIUS WAY tells us how to make a just-good-enough system that works for exactly us - and stop caring about everything else. Kendra Adachi also hosts "The Lazy Genius" podcast and is the mother of three young kids. Kendra, Margaret, and Amy discuss: How to implement systems that are practical rather than Pinterest-worthy Why we should stop applauding chaos as the only indicator of vulnerability The power of putting everything in its place Here's where you can find Kendra: www.thelazygeniuscollective.com Buy The Lazy Genius Way: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525653936 @thelazygenius on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When our child is suddenly being left out of their friend group, how can we help them cope without giving in to our own emotions about the situation? A member of our Facebook group writes: "My 9-year-old finally made a new group of friends this year in school, and the other day at recess they announced that they don’t want to be her friend anymore. She is crushed, and while I know this is part of growing up, I don’t know how to help her. I let her stay home today- to be honest, partly so she doesn’t have to endure a recess with this group of girls ignoring her or worse. I know missing school is not the answer. How can I help her? " Margaret reminds this listener that she's not on the emotional roller coaster with her kid in this situation - rather, she is a neutral and safe space for her child to express their feelings about the situation. It's important to let your child feel whatever they need to about the situation without trying to "fix" them or suggesting how they might behave differently in order

What happens when your perfect life comes crumbling down? Lara Love Hardin, author of the new memoir "The Many Lives of Mama Love" shares her experiences of addiction and incarceration, how it affected her children, and how it shaped the new life she has now. Amy and Lara discuss: What it's like to parent from prison How the prison system keeps women down How Lara found her own version of redemption Here's where you can find Lara: https://www.laralovehardin.com/ IG: @laralovehardin Facebook: Lara Love Hardin  Buy Lara's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982197667 The Gemma Project Watch Lara's TED Talk We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Once your kids are a little bit older, can you be dropped into the madness of having little ones again without missing a beat? Apparently not - here's what Margaret learned after a brief season of tending to little kids again. Amy and Margaret discuss: The stakes of babysitting versus parenting All the little things we block out once our kids are more independent How times stretches out forever when you've got little kids to entertain all day If you're near New Braunfels, Texas, check out the McKenna Children's Museum! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why is it that summer never seems to be the picture-perfect, sun-washed experience we want for our kids? Amy helps a listener ditch her mom guilt over not providing her kids with the "perfect" summer. "I have the end of summer scaries. Or end of summer mom guilt. I feel so bummed that I have spent most of the summer in survival mode instead of really enjoying it with my children. I probably have seen way too many of those "you only get 18 summers" posts. My oldest starts first grade in two weeks and I feel like I completely failed. I wish we had spent more time swimming, riding bikes, all of that quintessential summer stuff. Instead, I feel like I've spent most of it breaking up fights with his 4 year old brother, keeping the 18 month old from injuring himself, and saying "no" to every request.  I'm notoriously hard on myself so I probably just need a reality check. Does anyone else feel this way?" It's totally normal to feel like the summer is a more difficult time of year, especially with three litt

How can we place reasonable limits on our kids' screen time— and how do we know what's reasonable? Ash Brandin, better known on Instagram as @TheGamerEducator, brings their experience as an educator (and gamer) to help families better understand and manage technology in ways that can benefit the entire family. In this episode, we discuss: why screens are "value neutral," and why their educational merit is derived more from how screens are being used the one question we should ask ourselves to know whether screens are okay in a given moment how to raise kids who will be able to set their own parameters around screens and gaming once we're no longer there to harass them Here's where you can find Ash: TheGamerEducator.com @TheGamerEducator on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoi

Teaching kids about how money works feels ever more important in a world where we pay for things by waving our phones, and where a couple of taps brings us anything we want to our doorstep twenty-four hours later. Sometimes we feel like protecting our kids from the realities of our financial situations is what is most appropriate. But somewhere along the way we can start teaching kids financial literacy by making our family decisions around money concrete and transparent. In this episode we discuss: our children's many "blind spots" around money and spending (and what were once our own) the differences in spending when people use credit cards versus cash how to discuss your family's "money values" in terms of what you are (and are not) willing to spend Here are some links to resources mentioned in the episode: @bethkobliner on Twitter BusyKid: What Your Child Can Understand About Money, Age by Age Beth Kobliner for PBS News Hour: Money habits are set by age 7. Teach your kids the value of a dollar n

How do you host relatives in your home in a loving and generous way without becoming overwhelmed? Margaret explains that hosts, not guests, get to make the rules for timing and length of their visits. A listener asked: Do you have any ground rules or tips and tricks for having family come stay with you? My husband and I live interstate between both of our families of origin, so if they visit, they stay with us. We don't live in a large house and we're finding the line between hospitality and what we can handle hard to draw. How can we simplify our approach? When people come to your house, it's perfectly acceptable to set ground rules that represent roughly 50% of what you need/want, and 50% of what your guests would prefer. Ultimately, though, it's your house, so you have veto power should a disagreement arise. You have the right to decide when and how long people come to stay with you. You may get pushback from relatives, but you are within your rights to gently decline their requests. That being said, oper

Why are women expected to love pregnancy and new motherhood without exception or complaint? Erin Pepler, author of the collection of essays "Send Me Into the Woods Alone," discusses the stigma that still persists around mothers expressing difficulty and displeasure with their lives—and how reading and writing about motherhood has improved her own life. Erin Pepler is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Today’s Parent, ParentsCanada, SavvyMom, Romper, Scary Mommy, MoneySense, Broadview Magazine and more. Erin and Amy discuss: Why pregnancy is "objectively weird" Why women are expected to downplay their pain and suffering particularly as new mothers How anxiety can shape us as parents... and when it's time to take a closer look Here's where you can find Erin: erinpepler.com @erinpepler on Instagram and Twitter @erinpeplerwriter on Facebook Buy SEND ME INTO THE WOODS ALONE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781988784892 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find

Rooms where no one was allowed to go? Saving up phone minutes? Opening one kind of cereal at a time? What odd rules did we once live by that we can't imagine following now? Amy and Margaret discuss: The Good Room Snuggies Peek Freans Links to references in this episode: The Onion: Bloodthirsty, Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate-Cereal Consumption "Certain things are for company" - comedian Sebastian Maniscalco "Company is Coming" - comedian Chris Fleming Peek Freans Follow us on Threads @whatfreshhellcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What are the signs that kids no longer want to share a room, and when do the cons of a shared space outweigh the pros? Amy cites a study or two to help a mom decide what's best for her two boys. Emily asks: How do I know when the right time is for my two boys (ages 7 and 8) to stop sharing a room? Are there signs I should be looking for? For context, the boys have shared a room since they were 1 and 2. We have a guest room that we occasionally let one sleep in, but it’s usually just when one is sick. I have heard from other moms that the benefits of sharing a room can expire as they get older, but I am not sure what I should be watching for. If the current arrangement is working for everyone in the family there's no need to immediately change things up. But there are signs you can watch for that might mean a change is worth consideration. A child's desire for privacy, siblings who bicker constantly, a divergence in interests or habits, and increasing homework loads are all signs that separate spaces might b

What "scams" about motherhood have we become subject to without really questioning them? What would happen if we stopped subscribing to these ideas? Raena Boston, founder of the Working Momtras, discusses ways to counteract the sexism inherent in parenting, particularly mothering, and how to make the personal political. Raena is a mom of three, co-founder of the nonprofit Chamber of Mothers, and a fierce advocate for working families. In this interview, Raena and Margaret discuss: Mom guilt as a scam and how we can dismantle it Why dads need parental leave too What federal paid family leave really means Here's where you can find Raena: www.theworkingmomtras.com @theworkingmomtras on IG @workingmomtras on Twitter Listen to our episode with Kate Mangino on her book "Equal Partners" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your

It's July bonus episode time! We opened up the floor for our listeners to ask us anything, and it turns out we're still learning things about each other after all these years. Topics include: The best parenting book Amy has ever read Pajama grams Billy Joel's and Bill Clinton's dogs To listen to the full episode, sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast. You get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if we didn't let other people's judgments change our game plans—as women, as mothers, and as humans? We're wired to pay attention to what other people think. There's a reason those judgments can be painful. Are there ways we can break free and care less? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss... How our innate need to belong (and not ostracized) is hard-wired The "behavioral inhibition system" and how it gets triggered Whose feelings and judgments we should take into account Why parenting is an especially problematic zone for others' judgments of us Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode "Parenting With An Audience" Governor J.B. Pritzker's speech to the 2023 graduates of Northwestern University: "The kindest person in the room is often the smartest." Rachel Moss for HuffPost UK: How To Actually Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You hotter.com: At What Age Do You Feel Most Comfortable In Yourself? Arthur C. Brooks for The Atlantic: No One Ca

How do you let your child experience natural consequences for their slowpoke actions—without going insane yourself? Listener Katie asks: "My 11-year-old has trouble meeting deadlines we set for her (running to catch the bus, not getting to bed by her bedtime). When my husband and I try to help her stay on track she talks back or purposefully stalls more! I don’t know how to not get triggered by that. It makes me angry which doesn’t help. Any suggestions? Either for staying calm or what to try with her? We rely more on consequences than positive reinforcement. I would love my husband to be more of a positive presence in the morning, which might improve things. I’m only partially around for mornings (which doesn’t help). Thanks for at least letting me rant!" Margaret has been here herself. She coordinated with her child's school and asked them to issue the appropriate disciplines for lateness to her child on days her child was late, removing herself from being responsible for the consequences. It's i

Why shouldn't you tell people your baby name ideas before the baby comes? What happens when the early mornings with a toddler clash with the late-night schedules of comedy clubs? Comedian Hari Kondabolu, whose new comedy special "Vacation Baby" is available for streaming on YouTube, discusses how parenting has changed his comedy— and the unexpected pleasures, amidst the struggles, of parenting during the pandemic. Hari Kondabolu has been praised as "one of the most exciting political comics in stand-up." He currently co-hosts the Netflix food competition show “Snack vs. Chef” with Megan Stalter. Hari first achieved widespread recognition for his award-winning documentary "The Trouble With Apu." In this episode Hari, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why having a pet is definitely not the same as having a kid What he wants his audiences that aren't parents yet to understand about being a dad Why representation has become even more important to Hari now that he's a parent Here's where you can find Hari:

It often becomes clear to us where our boundaries should have been set only after those lines have been crossed and left far behind. But whether it's with overbearing extended family members or partners who leave socks on the floor, how do we create effective boundaries? Especially after it's been established that we're not very good at it, and especially in a world that doesn't very much like women who aren't afraid to set them? In this "Best Of" episode we discuss why boundaries should be set early and often– and not just in problematic relationships, either. Healthy boundaries with our spouses, partners, and co-workers are what make long-term relationships possible. And don't forget positive boundaries. Want to start setting aside more money each month? Having one date night a week, or one weekend morning when you get to sleep in? It starts with saying so. Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Fatherly: 16 Tips For Creating Healthy Boundaries With Your Extended Fa

Tired of buying new everything when your kid inevitably misplaces it? It's natural for kids to be a little disorganized, but if your kid is losing things left and right, there are some simple steps you can take. A member of our Facebook group asked:  Any suggestions for the kid who loses everything? My son is 9. He lost three sweatshirts in the two months he was in in-person school, a tennis racquet at tennis camp, baseball glove at baseball practice, shin guards at soccer camp… and don’t even get me started on water bottles!  The “lost and found” turned up one of the many things he has lost, but that is it. He swears each time that he put the things in his bag. Unless, there is a sweaty shin guard thief, this obviously is untrue.  We’ve tried charts and check lists. We’ve tried making him earn the replacement items, but nothing seems to stop the constant misplacing of items. HELP! For the truly forgetful kids, the oft-cited "natural consequences"– if he doesn't have his shin guards, he won't

What does it really take to be a public school teacher in America? Alexandra Robbins, author of "THE TEACHERS: A Year Inside America's Most Vulnerable, Important Profession," illuminates how today's teachers battle against school shootings, shrinking budgets, irate parents and politicians, and the educational system itself. Alexandra Robbins is an award-winning investigative reporter who has written for publications, including The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Atlantic. In this interview Alexandra, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Our common misconceptions about what being a teacher entails Why the "teacher shortage" is a misnomer How we can truly support teachers Here's where you can find Alexandra: https://alexandrarobbins.com/ Facebook: AuthorAlexandraRobbins Twitter: @AlexndraRobbins Instagram: @authoralexandrarobbins Buy The Teachers: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781101986752 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always

How do we raise healthy, loving, polite, and appreciative teens? Is it humanly possible? From remaining "passively available" to taking our adolescents' seemingly trivial problems seriously, our listeners had great advice for bringing up teenagers. Amy and Margaret discuss: The blessing of nerd-dom How to keep your face in check when talking to your teen Why it's important to let your teen fail sometimes Here's our Fresh Take with Michelle Icard, author of "Fourteen Talks by Age 14" Here's the link to the full thread in our Facebook group Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/

How do we get our kids to do things the FIRST time they're asked, not the millionth time? Is it even possible? A listener from our FB group asks: "You have often given the advice from the dog-training world not to repeat yourself over and over again, because you are teaching your kids they only have to respond to the 3rd, 7th, or 100th time you ask. My question is: what do I do instead? Say I tell my toddler, "It's time to go brush teeth," and he ignores me to keep playing because: toddler. If I immediately remove the thing the toddler is playing with and pick him up to go to the bathroom, we are in tantrum land. Then bedtime is delayed by twenty minutes while we calm down. I don't want to turn every interaction into an exhausting battle of wills, but I also don't want to sound like a broken record. HELP." When kids are resisting instructions, it's important to suss out the real problems and find solutions for those specific instances. In this case of asking your toddler to brush their teeth: it's normal to

When we're going through difficult seasons in our lives—illness, death, divorce, tragedy—it feels easier to protect our kids by leaving them out of the conversation. Sara Olsher, founder of Mighty + Bright, says kids don't miss a thing—and that we're missing the opportunity during such times to help our children learn resilience. Sara founded Mighty + Bright after guiding her child through her own divorce and cancer diagnosis. Mighty + Bright provides visual schedules, picture books, and other tools to help parents prioritize mental health for their kids, learning together and incorporating coping skills into their day-to-day lives. In this interview Sara, Margaret, and Amy discuss: How to raise resilience for ourselves and kids What works for families who are in hard seasons Why protecting kids from difficult issues doesn't work Here's where you can find Sara: http://mightyandbright.com @mightyandbrightco Check out all the amazing children's books Sara has written: https://bookshop.org/contrib

What does it mean to have a midlife crisis? What exactly counts as "midlife," and (yikes) are we already in it? Can we avoid the disenchantment and the rash decision-making that stereotypically accompany such times in our lives? A listener in our Facebook group asked: "Who has been thru their midlife crisis and how did you deal? Turning 40 next week has me feeling like I've wasted my life. Can I get over the what-ifs?" In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: How American culture has changed its views on aging Why women and men experience midlife crises differently Why the age of your children might be the thing triggering your crisis Here are links to some of the resources discussed in the episode: Howard P. Chudacoff: How old are you? Age consciousness in American culture Laurence Steinberg: Crossing Paths: How Your Child's Adolescence Triggers Your Own Crisis Mark Jackson: Life begins at 40: the demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter!

When our children have a brush with danger, we moms love to punish ourselves for what might have happened. So does society at large. Amy tells a listener how to complete her trauma response and move on from a stressful event. A listener on Instagram asked: "How do I move past the mom guilt? I'm the mother to an 18-month-old that loves dogs. We have a rescue. I didn't grow up with dogs. We went for a walk today and came across an informal dog play date that we joined…the dogs were off leash. I asked if it was okay to bring my child, and the other owner said yes. I stupidly at one point let my little one walk away from me. Another dog came to sniff at her, and my dog kicked into full-on protective mode. The first time I'd ever seen that. My little one almost got hurt. We left soon after that and I never let my child out of my arms again. And once I got home, I Googled and saw, no, you should never take a kid to a dog play park. I feel so bad, so ashamed. How do I move on? Amy suggests that this listener is

Why do we as women get accused of too much or too little ambition, but never the right amount? And why are mothers expected to let go of all nonfamilial ambitions once they become parents? Rainesford Stauffer, author of the new book “All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive," started by completely reconsidering the role of ambition in her own life. In this book, she invites us to redefine ambition for ourselves. Going above and beyond doesn't have to the worthiest thing about us. In this interview Rainesford and Amy discuss: How and when Rainesford changed her thoughts around her own ambition How parenting and ambition intersect How to define ambition for yourself Here's where you can find Rainesford: www.rainesfordstauffer.com Twitter: @Rainesford Instagram: @rainesford_stauffer Buy Rainesford's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306830334 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponso

Why don't vacations feel like vacations for moms? Could it be all the prepping, packing, and traveling, with the additional pressure to make memories that will last a lifetime for our little ones? Here's how to make vacations truly fun and relaxing for the whole family. In this episode we discuss the wisdom of "taking turns being tired" why "going with the flow" is not an additive stance to vacation preparation why vacations get better as kids age Here are some links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Marie Holmes for HuffPost: Behind Every Precious Vacation Memory Stands An Exhausted Mother CafeMom: Moms Don't Get to 'Relax' on Family Vacations, For the Husbands Who Don't Get It Colleen Lanin for Travel Mamas: Ain’t Nobody Happy if Mama Ain’t Happy – Tips for Happy Travel with Kids The Onion: Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the specia

How do we help our children transition from pampered baby of the family to middle child? Is the resulting misbehavior going to go on forever? Someone in our Facebook group asked: "My five-year-old became a middle child a few months ago. He is so sweet and loving to his new little sister, but has been acting out: spitting, running around, saying bad things, hitting another kid in his pre-K class. He has been very difficult at home, too. He was never like this before becoming a middle child. Somebody please just tell me this is a phase." Yes, it's just a phase, Margaret assures us, citing her own experience being usurped as the baby of the family when she was five. This acting out is boundary-seeking behavior. When presented with changes in the family dynamic, kids will investigate to see if they can get away with more than they were able to previously. You can make your child feel validated in his frustration, but it's still important to set firm boundaries around unacceptable behavior. Here's the article Marg

What do we do when we don't fit the "perfect mom" mold? Are we still good mothers even if we don't? Jamilah Mapp and Erica Dickerson are the co-hosts of the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast, and the authors of the new book "A Good Mom's Guide to Bad Choices." In this interview Jamilah, Erica, and Margaret discuss: Being a single mother Breaking parenting patterns What authentic parenting looks like Here's where you can find Jamilah and Erica: www.goodmomsbadchoices.com IG: @goodmoms_badchoices Twitter: @Thegoodmoms Listen to Good Moms Bad Choices podcast Buy A Good Mom's Guide to Bad Choices: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063161979 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From being able to sleep anywhere to pulling loose teeth to staying calm in a crisis, our listeners are great at all kinds of things when it comes to being parents. Amy and Margaret discuss: Lowered expectations Self-care for its own sake Margaret's Fran Drescher moments Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Handicrafts? Puzzles? Competitive pickleball? Amy and Margaret discuss hobbies old and new, high-maintenance and low. Amy and Margaret discuss: S&H Green Stamps Pickleball injuries The Book of Meg To hear the rest of the episode, sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast, where you can get all episodes ad-free as well! Supporting Cast works right where you already listen. Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What should we do when other people, relatives OR strangers, discipline our kids in front of us? Let it go, or intervene? Pamela recently wrote us to say: I'd love to hear your thoughts on handling relatives (or even strangers!) that try to discipline your kids. I recently had family in town and my six-year-old was given quite a few lectures on MINOR behaviors by a relative that has no children of their own. Things such as sitting in a chair well past when he was done eating, or accidentally kicking (when said relative started the roughhousing to begin with…) I’m able to call it out but why oh why does this happen?! Frustrating, to say the least, and confusing for my son! There are two matrixes that apply here: the "see this person 3 times a week / will never see this person again" axis, and the "totally not their business/ actually my kid was really bothering them" axis. If a particular example of discipline leaves your child red-faced and tearful, and the adult's reaction seems like an overreach, then a

How do we untangle ourselves from technology? We give ourselves a hard time for not being able to put our screens down, but the platforms we use are designed to be addictive. It's not our fault. Gaia Bernstein's new book: Unwired: Gaining Control Over Addictive Technologies shatters the illusion that we can control how much time we spend on our screens by the force of willpower, timers, or yelling. Margaret and Gaia discuss: The psychological forces that make us keep scrolling What Big Tech and Big Tobacco have in common Why screen time limiters and other similar methods don't work Here's where you can find Gaia: https://gaiabernstein.com/ Twitter: @BernsteinGaia Buy Gaia's book Unwired: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781009257930 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hooray, summer is finally here! No more French quizzes or spirit days to dress for last-minute! So now what? Million-dollar summer camps? Kicking our kids outside from sunup to sundown so they don't drive us crazy? Here's how to give everyone, including yourself, a sane summer that won't send you into bankruptcy. Margaret and Amy discuss: Why summer light affects our mood the Farmer's Almanac predictions for summer 2023 (you get a heat wave! and YOU get a heat wave!) Summer camp inflation LINKS Johns Hopkins School of Public Health: 7 Things To Know About Daylight Savings Time Michele Marchetti & Mia Taylor for Parents: How To Handle the Rising Costs of Summer Camp American Camp Association: How To Afford Camp Robin Brandshaw for Beaumont Enterprise: Summer 2023 weather predictions We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about

What do we do when our kids ask us to explain scary things like natural disasters, accidents, and bad news? A listener in our Facebook group asks: "My 5yo is afraid of naturally occurring phenomena. Natural disasters like floods, tornadoes, hurricanes. I try to explain these things very matter-of-factly but she would continue with questions for days. “Do we get tornadoes?” “Would a flood come to our house?” If we are watching a show and someone injures themselves she would ask about what happened for days. “Mommy, what happened to that man? Why was he bleeding? Was he breathing? Why was his arm like that?” I realized these are very different situations but they all fuel some kind of anxiety in her. Does anyone else have a kid(s) dealing with these kinds of emotions? How can I help reassure her that she is safe and other people are safe when bad things happen to them?" Margaret says it's best to answer the question actually being asked— like "Is a flood coming to our house?" —rather than over

Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist and mom of three who’s rethinking the way we raise our children. She's the host of "Good Inside With Dr. Becky," named by Apple Podcasts as one of the best podcasts of 2021. She also empowers more than a million parents following her on Instagram @drbeckyatgoodinside.  Dr. Becky specializes in thinking deeply about what’s happening for kids and translating these ideas into simple, actionable strategies for parents. Her latest book is GOOD INSIDE: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.  In this episode, Dr. Becky, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How kids communicate through their behaviors How to navigate behavior regulation when you're short on time Why "Good Inside" is a slightly different parenting approach   Here's where you can find Dr. Becky: www.goodinside.com  @drbeckyatgoodinside on IG and FB Buy Dr. Becky's book We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current spons

Don't know left from right? North from south? Estonia from Moldova? We asked our listeners what they feel they should have learned a long time ago but still get tripped up by as adults. Amy and Margaret discuss: Couples Jeopardy The secret to using a tape gun The Red Wedding We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

"Mommy! Why does that person look like that?!" Kids are naturally curious, and as recent guest Meg Zucker reminded us, it's not possible to program kids in advance to always fall in line with adults' preferred reactions. It's important to have the conversation early with your kids about how it's ok to notice people's differences but pointing them out in public can hurt people's feelings. It also helps to make your home a safe space to talk about kids' curiosities about a classmate, or someone they saw at the park, so they understand that people come in all shapes and sizes—and that the things we say, if we're not careful, still have the power to hurt others' feelings. Bodies are Cool by Tyler Feder is a great book that shows kids bodies come in a lot of varieties and they all deserve to be celebrated. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about yo

How do we celebrate and encourage kids with disabilities and differences, without letting our fears and preconceptions dictate what we think they can do? How do parents of kids with less understanding of differences and disabilities allow for children's natural curiosity? Meg Zucker, author of the new book Born Extraordinary: Empowering Children with Differences & Disabilities, was born with a genetic condition called ectrodactyly. She is also the mother of three children, two of whom share this difference. Meg is also the founder and president of Don’t Hide It, Flaunt It, a non-profit with the mission of advancing understanding, tolerance, and mutual respect for people's differences. In this episode Meg and Amy discuss: "Disability" versus "difference," and how people choose the words that feel right for them How Meg's experience growing up different made her parenting kids with differences a little easier—though maybe not as much as someone outside that experience might expect the well-meaning "thr

"Mom guilt" is shorthand for what we think are two pretty different things: the universal, low-grade feelings of inadequacy that our soccer snacks aren't as good as Monica's the intense, deeply personal shame that we are definitely the only horrible parent who has ever allowed their baby to roll off the changing table Yes, we take on these feelings of guilt and shame—but society is pretty quick to hand them to us. In this episode we discuss why there isn't such a thing as "dad guilt" why mom guilt might serve as a sort of magical thinking if we can at least skip the feeling guilty about HAVING mom guilt part Here are links to some studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Lara Bazelon for The Atlantic: The End of Mom Guilt Amy Paturel for The Washington Post: Why we feel 'mom guilt'—and how to stop Fresh Take: Dana Dorfman on When Worry Works Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg on Why You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent Fresh Take: Sara Petersen on "Momfluencers" Fresh

How do we discipline our kids when they start sassing us with phrases they picked up elsewhere? We can view it as a teachable moment and foundation for cognitive development down the road. A listener in our Facebook group says: "My daughter is 3, almost 4. She’s been at daycare for about a year now and I’ve noticed she’s started picking up phrases from school that bother me. The thing is, some of them are probably also good things for her to be able to say, like “Don’t touch me” and “I don’t like you right now” and “Go away." The last one in particular really bugs me because while trying to gentle parent and be present, she only says these things when she’s mad at me for saying no to something. It somehow feels wrong because we don’t say that kind of stuff with each other in the home. There’s a part of me that’s glad she has the bodily autonomy to say no and I want to encourage that for her life in general. But when it’s just her and me alone I’m not sure what to do. Is this

Is it possible to be your full, authentic self as a woman and mother without fear of failure or judgment from others? In her new memoir STASH, Laura Cathcart Robbins discusses her experiences confronting and moving through her own addiction, and how it intersects with her identity as a mother and a woman of color. Laura Cathcart Robbins is also the host of the popular podcast, The Only One In The Room. In this interview, Laura and Margaret discuss: Laura's journey through addiction and treatment while being a mother What it means to live authentically as a mother How our identities inform our choices Here's where you can find Laura: https://theonlyonepod.com IG: @lauracathcartrobbins, @theonlyoneintheroom TikTok: @mscathcartrobbins, @theonlyonepod Buy Laura's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668005330 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo

Have you lost touch with mom friends since the pandemic? Do you feel that after so much isolation you don't even know how to make friends anymore? In this episode, we talk about how the last few years have changed our friendships, what's gotten harder, and why we're motivated to deepen those relationships again. Amy and Margaret discuss: The "decreased social stamina" many of us feel Why spontaneity seems to have gone out the window How knowing that just about everyone feels this way can really help LINKS: Fresh Take: Mara Glatzel on Being "Needy" Fresh Take: Kat Vellos On Friendship and Connection Vanessa Dueck for Medium: Post-Pandemic Mom Friends Catherine Pearson for HuffPost: Moms Have Held Everything Together This Past Year, Except Their Friendships Morgan Hill for Raising Teens Today: Raising Teens Can Be Lonely Amil Niazi for The Cut: Does Anyone Want to Hear About Burned-Out Moms Anymore? Check out our bookshop: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast "The Mind" game We lov

When we have a child who chooses to withdraw and "not talk about it," rather than unpack his disappointment, is that a reason for concern? This week's question comes from our Facebook group: When my seven year old gets upset, he refuses to talk to us even to describe the event that led to his reaction. He seems to prefer to process things internally. And so his immediate reaction is to shut down and say, I don't want to talk. My spouse and I have both made a strong and conscious effort to validate his feelings and to be open and available for the times he does want to talk, but more often than not, my son just prefers to bury the experience and move on without talking about it. Sometimes this means him concluding after one bad experience that an activity is horrible and he will never try it again. Therapy is probably a direction we are heading in. But do you think we should start with the school social worker? Some kids, like some adults, are more emotionally expressive than others. That a 7-year-old processe

Once we know what anti-fat bias is, it's easy to see it everywhere: in our schools, our doctors' offices, even in our own parenting. Virginia Sole-Smith, author of the new book Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture, explains the perniciousness of anti-fat bias and how we can start to move away from its toxic messages. Virginia Sole-Smith is also the author of The Eating Instinct: Food Culture, Body Image and Guilt in America. Virginia's reporting on diet culture, health and parenting has appeared in the New York Times, Scientific American, and many other publications. Virginia also writes the popular anti-diet newsletter Burnt Toast and hosts the Burnt Toast Podcast. Virginia, Amy, and Margaret discuss: What anti-fat bias really is— and why it's everywhere How anti-fat bias shows up in parenting How we can identify and navigate anti-fat bias as people and as parents Here's where you can find Virginia: virginiasolesmith.substack.com @v_solesmith on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok Burnt Toast

We asked our listeners: what would be better if it were just a little bit different? Margaret's ideas include a network consisting solely of TV shows that you only need to pay half attention to. Amy advocates for magical cash dispersal from your phone. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss these and our listeners' top ideas, including LEGO vacuums properly-sized ketchup packets hand-dryers that don't hurt your ears Read the entire thread in our Facebook group! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do we do when our house is filling up with plastic toys from Happy Meals and goody bags that just make cleanup and attempts at organization SO much worse? Margaret explains how "benevolent dictatorship" helps her navigate this issue at her house. Garbage starts at the door, Margaret explains. She tries to stop things she doesn't want in the house from coming in in the first place and expressing this (gently) to her kids. It's also perfectly okay to throw away these things and NOT involve kids in the decision-making, which only makes for tears. Margaret says that in a whole decade of this approach, her kids have noticed the absence of this "junk" maybe twice. Listen to KC Davis's podcast Struggle Care We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do the "momfluencers" who post perfect pictures of their crisply dressed children in lavender fields hold such a sway over us, and what can we do about it? Sara Petersen, author of the new book Momfluenced: Inside the Maddening, Picture-perfect World of Mommy Influencer Culture, gives us a glimpse into what makes mommy influencer culture so seductive. Sara Petersen also writes the newsletter In Pursuit of Clean Countertops, where she explores the cult of ideal motherhood. Amy and Sara discuss: What exactly a momfluencer is How parasocial relationships can backfire on momfluencers The benefits of momfluencers on social media It's natural to want external validation that we're "good" mothers by collecting likes of our carefully staged pictures on social media. In addition to simply logging off Instagram for awhile, it's good to check in with yourself about what you really value as a mom versus what you feel pressured to perform for others, and that could save you a really stressful trip to a blueberry

50% of preadolescent girls and 30% of boys report disliking their bodies. Those numbers go up in adults— 60% of women and 40% of men report the same dissatisfaction. How do we help our kids when they struggle with their body images—especially when some of those struggles are our own? Especially when unrealistic images of bodies are everywhere on social media? Especially when dieting and weight loss are normalized, along with the assumption that all of us would change something about our appearances if we could? We may not be able to fix the messaging that surrounds us and our kids, but there are ways we can start to subvert it. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: why body image issues and eating disorders are related but separate issues how "media internalization" makes things worse why TikTok's "body positivity" movement isn't the perfect answer, either Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Susan Cowden for VeryWell Mind: "Body Dysmorphic Disord

How do we get kids to view saying "sorry" as more than a get-out-of-jail-free card? This week's question comes from our Facebook page: I have 5-year-old and 2-year-old boys. My question: how do you help kids around 5 years old understand the meaning of "sorry"? My son will do something wrong– and know it’s wrong before he does it– then immediately say he’s sorry. I try to give him a punishment to help him understand what he did was wrong, but he will still do the action again, then say, “Well, I said I was sorry." How do I help him understand the meaning of being sorry so he won’t do the action again? Not all kids are great at apologies. And grownups sometimes go at this the wrong way too, overemphasizing a perfunctory, mumbled "sorry" from the wrongdoer and then moving on. "That's where the conversation ends," says writer Rachael Rifkin in Today's Parents, "with little if any discussion of what happened, why it was hurtful to the person they’re apologizing to, how they can address the hurt t

How do we maintain connection with our kids when they're busy slamming doors or talking back to us and we are all sick and tired of each other? Dr. Tish Taylor, author of "Fostering Connection," gives us some tips for diagnosing and troubleshooting problematic elements in our relationships with our kids. Dr. Tish Taylor is a licensed psychologist with a private practice in the greater Kansas City area. She has an established practice specializing in clinical assessment and the mental health treatment of children and teens. Margaret and Dr. Taylor discuss: The difference between disconnection with teens and natural cleaving from us as they age How to start to address disconnection with our kids, and why quantifying interactions works Dr. Taylor's "Who's Showing Up" system Here's where you can find Dr. Taylor: Tish Holub Taylor, Ph.D. on Facebook @TishTaylorPhD on Twitter Buy Dr. Taylor's book We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for al

This "best of" episode explores the trap we all fall into of thinking that every day with our kids has to contain a “snow globe moment" - a social media-worthy image of perfect joy for our entire family. And even if part of us knows that’s not realistic, another part of us thinks that it’s all supposed to be fun. That there must be something wrong with us if we don’t love every single moment of our chaotic lives with little ones. But once we kick that shame to the curb, there really are ways to make our lives as parents more fun and lighthearted. Even on a regular Tuesday. In this episode, we discuss: How we can be lighthearted, even when things aren’t fun How we can have fun even when things aren’t easy How we can have fun even when our kids definitely aren’t Our basic takeaway: parenting definitely gets a little more fun as our kids get a little bit easier… and by “easier,” we mean “not throwing themselves into mortal danger every ninety seconds because they don’t know any bette

How do we convince our kids that getting all of the newest toys isn't the most important thing in life while also respecting their enthusiasm for their various obsessions? A member of our Facebook group asks: "What do you do with a kid who wants ALL the toys? I've got a second grader who insists his friends' parents buy all the Pokémon cards and my husband and I are the worse because we refuse to buy every single thing he asks for. He's got a pile full of Pokémon cards but they're not the cool ones, I guess? We're not going to change our buying habits, but how do we talk about this with him?" Margaret explains that you can affirm your child's obsession with Pokémon or Fortnite to make them feel heard while also not giving in to their every whim around it. Margaret developed a shorthand with her son for the feeling of wanting things obsessively - the 'grabby greedies.' Naming it obviously didn't completely solve the problem, but having language around it helps keep the conversation going. Setting up an allo

What if we're looking at autism in the wrong way? Dr. Lynn Koegel, co-author of Hidden Brilliance: Unlocking the Intelligence of Autism, explains how to engage with the strengths in kids with autism rather than focusing on what they're lacking. Dr. Lynn Koegel is a clinical professor at the Stanford School of Medicine. She and her husband developed Pivotal Response Treatment which focuses on motivation. She has been supporting autistic individuals for more than 40 years. Dr. Koegel and Margaret discuss: Why we're focusing on the wrong things when we assess kids with autism The power of peer support Connecting authentically with kids with autism Dr. Koegel explains that professionals are often trained to look at what's "wrong" with children with autism rather than what's right. It helps to look at the differences in children with autism, as Margaret likes to say, as morally neutral. Here's where you can find Lynn: autismPRThelp.com @lynn.koegel on Facebook hidden-brilliance.org We love the sponsors t

When our kids reach a certain age—as young as eight, some experts say, and definitely well before thirteen— they suddenly don't think their parents are as great as they once did. Congratulations, you're officially the parent of a tween! This week we're talking about what tweens are going through emotionally and psychologically... and how we can give them room to grow while still seizing opportunities to connect with them as (big) children. Margaret and Amy discuss: The cognitive shifts that happens in tweens' brains Why the ways we relate to our tweens has to change along with them Why "not taking it personally" is, and isn't, the right advice We may feel the urge to defend our actions or intentions to our tweens when they spar with us, but we don't actually have to get down "in the mud" with our kids whenever they push our buttons. Links! Michelle Anthony for Scholastic Parents: Cognitive Development in 11-13 Year Olds John Mersch, MD for Medicine Net: Tween: Child Development (9-11 Years Old)

Should we avoid talking about our children when spending time with friends who are having difficulty conceiving? A member of our Facebook group asks: "I’m having lunch with a lifelong friend who I don’t see or talk to frequently. I do know that she recently started IVF. My life is currently extremely overwhelmed because I have 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 year-olds that I was fortunate enough to conceive very quickly. How do I support her and also talk about my life, without seeming like I’m complaining about what she wants so badly? I’ve never been nervous to see her in my life and I just feel like I’m going to indirectly hurt her feelings in some way." Your friend can both be sad about her difficulty conceiving children and excited to hear about yours. The best thing you can do, Amy explains, is to be open with your friend - explain that you want to respect her feelings about the situation and be there for her. She may cry, and that's ok, because it means both that she's letting out her feelings and that she

From playing the "Newman" character on multiple sitcoms to keeping the Steve Harvey show audience off hard drugs, Amy and Margaret have had some wild times in the business we call show. In this month's bonus episode, they tell some of their juiciest tales. To listen to the full episode, you can subscribe to What Fresh Hell Plus at http://whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm/ for $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Get monthly bonus episodes and all of our content ad-free! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why does it feel like our career and our family are pulling us in different directions and making it hard to be fully present in both arenas? In her book Work, Parent, Thrive: 12 Science-Backed Strategies to Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm, and Grow Connection (When Everything Feels Like too Much). Dr. Yael Schonbrun explains how we can move from a zero-sum mindset to a life in which our work life and our family life are enable to enrich each other. Yael Schonbrun is also the co-host of the "Psychologists Off the Clock" podcast, an assistant professor at Brown University, and a mother of three little comedians. In this "Best Of" interview Yael and Amy discuss: Why the guilt that often accompanies parenting is hard-wired into us What values clarification looks like Why starting a "stop doing" list can be surprisingly helpful Here's where you can find Yael: Twitter: @DrYaelSchonbrun #WorkParentThrive Buy Yael's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781611809657 Links! Our Fresh Take with Dr. Jill Stoddard on

Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  There are certain phrases that many of us pepper our conversation without a second thought, never pausing to think that we might be working the listener's very last nerve. We have quite a few phrases we'd love to never ever hear again, and our listeners brought a lot more. In this episode we make the humble request that phrases like "at the end of the day" and "fur babies" be permanently retired from the lexicon. Is that too much to ask? We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you keep your very active kids safe when they constantly want to roughhouse with each other? Someone in our Facebook group asks: Boy moms… help! The fighting, the yelling, the running, hitting, jumping, climbing…I have a 4.5yo and a 3 yo… Any advice or tips? We separate them to different levels when it gets out of hand. Or we say any running needs to happen outside, but it’s difficult to execute when I’m home alone (which is often). How do you all handle it? Margaret, who has two boys of her own who love roughhousing, explains the house rules around the "sport" that work for her family. There are actually a lot of benefits to letting kids roughhouse with each other once there are certain safety parameters in place. It gives kids the joy of physical touch, the opportunity to explore and set boundaries, and the benefit (for you!) of tiring them out! You may find that MORE, not less, roughhousing is just the ticket for your active kids! Here are links to the resources Margaret references: Jess

If someone asked you "What do you need right now?" would you even be able to articulate it? In her new book NEEDY: How To Advocate for Your Needs and Claim Your Sovereignty, intuitive coach Mara Glatzel lays out a roadmap for how to ascertain our needs as human beings, how to ask for it, and how to be comfortable with receiving it. Mara's work helps humans stop abandoning themselves and start reclaiming their humanity through embracing their needs and honoring their natural energy rhythms. In this episode, Mara and Amy discuss: The societal pressure to be perfect and need-free as mothers The difference between a "want" and a "need" and how they intersect Why it's uncomfortable both to ask for what we need and to finally receive it Mara argues that the more in tune we are with our own needs, the more we are able to peacefully coexist with others and form authentic relationships. Here's where you can find Mara: https://www.maraglatzel.com/ on her own podcast, "Needy." Here is the link to Mara's free

The Instagram account @mindfulmadre recently went viral with this post: "We are becoming less tolerant of the pace of childhood. In a million ways we tell children: hurry up. Grow up. You are already behind."  Sometimes we rush our kids because we're rushing ourselves—or because we fear our kids will fall behind if they don't keep up with the increasing demands the world has of children, even very small ones. But who decided that precocious preschoolers are really what we should be aiming for? What are the costs to rushing children? Are there small daily ways in which we can let kids do their own thing at their own paces? In this episode we discuss: how a "daily context of stress" affects developing brains whether small pushbacks are enough, or at least better than nothing the moments when we've let our kids move at their own paces—even (especially) at Disney World Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Laura Markham for Psychology Today: 11 Reasons to Stop Rus

Is your child who seemingly overreacts to ever minor scrape and bruise really suffering, or are they just looking for some extra attention? Amy explains what could be behind this behavior and how to address it constructively. A listener in our FB group says: "I have a 5 year old boy who cries wolf. He's constantly crying as if he broke a bone or has been severely injured after minor bumps and falls. It's gotten so frustrating that I've stopped responding altogether. Has anyone had a kid like this? What did you do/find helpful?" Amy explains that it's important to contextualize your child's emotionality. When during the day are they acting out - when they're tired and rundown or when they're well-rested? Are they truly experiencing a sensory overload because they have a naturally sensitive nervous system? Are they easily redirected when you offer distractions like a snack or a show? You can't ignore or diminish the sensitivity out of your kid, but when navigating this issue, it helps to frame your child's reac

Now you can Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast! You'll get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes no matter where you listen. What Fresh Hell + is $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Subscribe in two taps! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm.   Raising a child with a disability is complicated, especially when you're navigating an ableist world on their behalf. Beth Leipholtz is an inclusion and accessibility advocate who believes in creating a more accepting world for our children. As the hearing mother of a deaf child, Beth is raising her son, Coop, bilingually in both hearing and Deaf cultures. Beth shares her parenting journey on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook and Instagram @bethandcoop, where she has built a community of more than 1 million people around disability inclusion. Beth's new new children's book is THE ABCs OF INCLUSION. Beth, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Beth's experience learning about and processing Coop's disability Learning ASL as a hearing person Why she decided t

Flat tire? Mismatched kids' socks? Lost luggage? Here's part two of our listeners' minor, life-changing tips that might just make some aspect of your life much easier from now on. Margaret and Amy discuss: Tasks you should delegate to your butler How to fit all that stuff you need in your glove compartment Margaret's next birthday present from Amy We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you've ever had a child bolt from you in a parking lot or at preschool drop-off, you know it can be a scary experience. Today's question comes from email ([email protected]): I am a mother of 4-year-old twins, a boy and a girl. In the past six months my daughter has been running out to the car, not listening to me when I ask her to walk with me or when I say "stop." I'm always asking both my kids to "stop" and "come back." It became almost a dangerous situation for us just yesterday when my daughter just kept running through the parking lot during school pickup. She thought it was a game and began giggling when I yelled "Come back!" I was partly terrified and partly so angry. I love my kids to the moon and back, and I know part of this is four-year-old boundary-testing, but my job as a parent is to keep them safe. How can I teach and motivate my kids to walk with me and not to run ahead? Sometimes when we are reactive to our kids' behavior – like when we yell out because we are terrifi

What do we do when it seems like there's nothing new or wondrous in the world for us to enjoy and feel deeply connected to? Katherine May, author of the new book ENCHANTMENT: AWAKENING WONDER IN AN ANXIOUS AGE. tells us about her own journey of rediscovering the world and her own sense of wonder. Katherine May is the author of the New York Times bestseller WINTERING: THE POWER OF REST AND RETREAT IN DIFFICULT TIMES, which has been translated into 25 languages. Katherine, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why we're all suffering from a "pandemic hangover" How to make space for reflection and worship in today's world Why you can't force enchantment (and how your enchantment may vary) Flaco the escaped owl Here's where you can find Katherine: Buy ENCHANTMENT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593329993 Katherine's newsletter: https://katherinemay.substack.com/ Katherine's podcast: https://katherine-may.co.uk/podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deal

Want to see a mother get mad? Tell her she's "nagging" you after she's been obligated to repeat an entirely reasonable request several times over. And just why is "nagging" a word that's almost exclusively applied to women? We need the other members of our households to show up and do their share. As the default parents, we own the lists. So do we stop caring whether others like how we ask and remind? Do we enforce a back-to-one where we're not forced to ask repeatedly in the first place? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: The sexism and etymology of the word "nag" What Amy says are the three types of "nagging," and why we should separate them out What to say when our repeated asking is framed as annoying to other people (guess whom it's also annoying, too?) Links! Jessica Zhang on LinkedIn: "What's In a Nag?" Episode from If Books Could Kill podcast: "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" McClelland, T., & Sliwa, P: "Gendered affordance perception and unequal domestic labour." Our episod

Is the postpartum support you're getting actually more harmful than helpful? Here's how to ask for what you really need in the days and weeks after birth. A listener wrote in to ask: Has anyone found that 'more is not more' when it comes to help/house guests with a newborn? My in-laws have been here for a week (my newborn is two weeks old) and I'm finding it all more annoying and inconvenient than helpful to have "extra sets of hands." I also feel like I'm exiled to the bedroom for all breastfeeding and just in general, because I can't handle the constant interaction and endless questions about what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I'm looking for in my own kitchen every time I wander into a common area. I know my in-laws have the best of intentions and I feel in some ways I should be grateful for the extra help and grateful my son has such loving grandparents who want to spend time with him - but I'm just overwhelmed with resentment at the moment and taking it out on my husband for indirectly facilitating

How do we know when our anxiety as parents is warranted and when we're catastrophizing? Dr. Dana Dorfman, author of the new book When Worry Works: How to Harness Your Parenting Stress and Guide Your Teen to Success.  gives us a framework for channeling our anxiety into something productive rather than something that hampers us. Dr. Dana Dorfman is a New York City-based psychotherapist with 30 years' experience treating adolescents and parents in her private practice, schools, and agency settings. In this interview she explains Why anxiety is actually advantageous How to contain our teen's anxiety without absorbing it Cognitive distortions Knowing your values is key to managing anxiety - what are the three or four core principles that guide everything you do? In a non-anxious moment, reflect on those values, and then use them as your guiding star for parenting decisions - rather than fears you may have about your children's future or current wellbeing. Here's where you can find Dr. Dorfman: https://drda

From avoiding shuttles, to separate inside pants and outside pants, to always ordering a different meal than your dining companion, we reviewed - and sometimes eschewed - our listeners quirkiest quirks. Amy and Margaret discuss: Nanking Chicken Merging onto the GWB Whose husband can fall asleep the fastest Read the rest of our listeners' quirkiest personal rules on our FB group page! Now you can Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast! You'll get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes no matter where you listen. What Fresh Hell + is $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Subscribe in two taps! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm.   Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your first month.  Care.com is

A listener asked: "How do I respond when my child gets upset about something during a playdate and they are dealing with their own feelings and end up ignoring their friend?" Margaret explains that as mortifying as this may be from our perspective when our kid acts out at a playdate or other event, we've all had this happen to us, because kids are kids. Once there's a blowup, an immediate and completely smooth reset is probably not possible. The best you can do is let your kid cool off by themselves and check in with them every few minutes about possibly rejoining the others. Check in with your kid's guest to make sure they can keep playing happily. And if your kid feels bad about how they acted after the fact, it's okay to confirm that and help them sit with the discomfort of how their bad choices affected everyone else. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. L

How do we find support when our family of origin is no longer around or has otherwise rejected us? Francesca Royster, author of the new memoir Choosing Family: A Memoir of Queer Motherhood and Black Resistance, explains the concepts of chosen family, finding joy in the everyday, and the resistance that is part of telling hard stories. Margaret and Francesca discuss: What inspired Francesca to write her memoir What it's like to enter motherhood at an older age The process of adopting her daughter Taking pleasure in the reality of everyday life can really help you connect with loved ones in your family, chosen or blood-related. And telling stories about hardship and tragedy can actually help us gain perspective and have more hope about the world, not less. Here's where you can find Francesca: Her faculty page on the DePaul University website @roysterfrancesca on IG @francesca.royster.1 on FB Buy Francesca's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781419756177 Special thanks to our sponsors for this mon

This month we are reaching back into our brain archives for the worst, best, and jobbiest jobs we've ever had! To listen to the full episode, you can subscribe to What Fresh Hell Plus at http://whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm/ for $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Get monthly bonus episodes and all of our content ad-free! Topics include: Petty cash BJ McKay and his best friend, Bear Baskin-Robbins flavors How to thank a waitress (money - it's money.)  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you're a stay-at-home parent, how do you answer to the people who frequently– and annoyingly– ask, "So, what do you do all day?" A listener in our Facebook group posted: "During Covid, I quit my job and I’ve been home. I drive my kids to school, work out, and manage the house and family. I’m very happy and fulfilled, especially knowing that my eldest will be leaving for college soon, I’m soaking up this time. My problem is trying to explain this to others. I have a good college degree and worked in a decent field before I quit. I guess I feel pressure to work and use my skills. One well-intentioned retired woman at my gym was actually trying to figure out how I can not drive my kids to school so that I could go back to work. I’ve even considered lying and saying I work part time at home to get people off my case." A pre-pandemic Gallup analysis 60,000 women in the U.S. revealed that more than a quarter of SAHMs report feeling depressed. The researchers suggested that “societal recognition of

How do we know when to control the choices our teens make and when to let them make their own mistakes? A listener asked: "Moms of teenagers, how do you stop trying to micromanage their worlds? My daughter is no longer interested in an extracurricular activity she’s done for years. I'm trying to talk her into continuing but she’s pushing back. It’s hard to know when it’s okay to let them decide what things they want to do as opposed to the things you think are good for them to do." Amy explains that it's okay to micromanage your teens sometimes, as long as you choose your battles– which means everything can't be a battle. Making sure kids sign up for standardized testing might be a place where you micromanage– but that might also mean letting that their desperate need for a haircut go without mention. Making mistakes and learning from them is part of the work of becoming an adult. As hard as it can be to watch our kids make choices with which we might disagree, when we can let those ramifications

There's a mental health crisis among teens. Teens are also highly emotional creatures by design. Adolescent psycholost Dr. Lisa Damour thinks the two are starting to get conflated– and that means parents and educators can sometimes overcorrect in their responses to teens' emotional outbursts. Dr. Lisa Damour co-hosts the Ask Lisa podcast and writes about adolescents for the The New York Times, in addition to her clinical practice. She is the author of two New York Times bestsellers: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood and Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. Dr. Lisa's latest book is called The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents.  In this interview Amy and Lisa discuss: Why good sleep is the first thing we need to help dysregulated teens solve What the pandemic actually revealed about teens' mental health Key myths and misconceptions about adolescent emotions Dr. Lisa s

We asked our listeners what minor and yet life-changing advice they have to offer. From bringing Sharpies everywhere, to cleaning the shower in the shower, to milkshakes after doctors' appointments, our lives just got a whole lot better! Margaret and Amy discuss: The correct way to boil corn What really goes in the glove compartment (not gloves) Amy's meet-cute with her husband "Let's Make a Deal" Links! "Bag o' Glass" on SNL Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com/FRESH today to get 10% off your firs

A listener asks: "Has anyone had success in helping their kids becoming ”better” at losing? Sports, board games, even school work…anything that they get frustrated with, it is to an extreme degree. I have three boys ages 7, 5 and 4 and they all do the same things—always throwing a huge tantrum." Margaret explains that it's important to have a good offense in situations like these. Don't try and reason with your kid right after they've suffered a loss and lecture them on Buddhist philosophies of nonattachment. Talk to your kid before the game/event about what is important in these situations, like being a good teammate and practicing in order to get better at something. Links! Cleveland Clinic: "Sore Loser? How to Help Your Child Handle Disappointment" Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Learn more about your ad choices. Vis

Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $3.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Psychologist Susan Linn, author of WHO'S RAISING THE KIDS? BIG TECH, BIG BUSINESS, AND THE LIVES OF CHILDREN, isn't anti-technology. She's anti-advertising to children, and has spent her long career spotlighting the "monumental shift towards a digitized-commercialized childhood." With smart speakers and screens at arms' reach wherever kids go, digital technologies continue to evolve much faster than our understanding of the ramifications of their dominance in our kids' lives. Susan began her career as award-winning ventriloquist (here she is on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood!) and has become a world-renowned expert on creative play and the impact of media and commercial marketing on children. In this episode, Susan tells us Why her point isn't to m

Do you worry about finding the balance between forcing your kid to keep doing activities that are good for them (that you already paid for) and not letting them be miserable all the time? How do you keep them on track academically without having to run flashcards with them about the Peloponnesian War for the billionth time? Here's what the research says about when to push our kids - and when to let sleeping (Peloponnesian) dogs lie. A listener in our Facebook group asks: "How do you decide when to push your kids? Like when to go from YMCA basketball to the travel team. Or when to go from regular school to the accelerated program, or the private school that's more rigorous. When to apply for the stretch school or the internship? We don't want to ruin hobbies or turn the stress up to 11, obviously. So how do you know which knob to turn and when to turn it so that their ambition, their ability, and their achievement all line up in perfect balance and harmony?" Amy and Margaret discuss: The “optimal push” an

Is there anything worse? Your kid is begging for a playdate at a friend's house, while that friend is standing right there listening. Plus that kid's mother. And the thing is, you think this other kid is not such a good friend for your child to have. What do you do? A listener in our Facebook group asks: "My kid is 7 years old. Has anyone ever experienced your child making a friend but you don’t feel comfortable with your child going over to their house solo for play dates? Any advice for how to navigate and what to say when your child is invited over? What if you got a chance to know the parent meeting at the park or a school event or sports but you didn’t get the vibe that you’d be comfortable with your child going over there— but you see them all the time and talk to the mom often and the kids beg for play dates in front of both parents?" Amy suggests preparing a script ahead of time for politely declining in the moment and then exploring later what it is that's making you hesitant about this pla

If you're parent of a child with ADHD, you are familiar with the battles of will that can result. What are the best ways to help kids with ADHD succeed without either coddling them or coming down too hard on them? Are you the parent of a child with ADHD who feels like nothing you try is working? Ryan Wexelblatt, also known as the "ADHD Dude," is here to help. Ryan, a licensed clinical social worker and father to a son with ADHD, creates content for the ADHDude YouTube channel and ADDitude Magazine. Ryan also provides parent training, in-person school-year programs, and a summer camp for boys.  Ryan, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How to talk to kids with siblings who have ADHD Why behavior prompts actually don't help long-term How to use scaffolding to build important skills for kids Firm boundaries and consistency, rather than permissive parenting or special treatment, are going to help kids with ADHD more in the long-run, Ryan explains. Helping kids visualize the consequences of their actions– wheth

Do you feel like the odd parent out in your house? Or do your kids want only you to do everything with them all the time? A listener in our Facebook group asked: "Is there an episode about one parent having a very different relationship with a child than the other parent? My 12yo and I seem to have a pretty functional (not perfect) relationship, but he and my hubs seem to end up arguing constantly. Thought at first it was a phase, but if it is, it’s a LOOOOONG one. Would love some perspective on this!" Margaret and Amy discuss: How preferential treatment plays out in younger vs. older kids Why kids save their worst behavior for their primary caregiver Which one of them is conflict-averse and who's conflict-attracted (one guess which is which) Preferring one parent over the other can be developmentally appropriate, but there are times when ganging up on one parent can become too much and needs some course correction. Links! Our episode "When Kids Prefer the Other Parent Over You (Or You Over Them)"

Is the never-ending work and exhaustion and loneliness of parenting small children getting to you? You're not alone– but better days are coming. Jordyn in our Facebook group asks: "I have a three-year-old and 9-month-old. Is it normal to feel lonely all the time? Feel somewhat bored and left out? Feel like a non person? From the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, I'm DOING for the kids, for the house, for the job, for the husband. I know I'm supposed to make time for myself but when? Wake up at 4am after being up with my baby all night? Will I ever go back to a human person? Or now that I have two kids, should I settle into this new normal? How long? 5 years? 10? I'm so anxious to feel well rested, feel pretty, feel healthy, be social and ENJOY my kids. I'm so tired." Margaret explains that once your kids go to school full time, your life changes for the better. Even if it feels like there's no end in sight to putting your kids' needs first every single second, there will come a day when you can

Do you feel like you're at the end of your rope with trying to get your kids to behave? Jen Lumanlan takes us through the steps for getting at the root cause of our children's behavior - and the root cause of our negative reactions, too. Jen Lumanlan is the host of the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, which Lifehacker named "Best Research-Based Parenting Podcast." She runs a course called Taming Your Triggers, which helps parents to understand why they feel triggered and to feel triggered less often. Jen holds a Master's in Psychology focused on Child Development and another in Education. Jen, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How to determine your child's most frequent needs (and when to do it) Where hair ties come into the picture The importance of non-cognitive shifts While inserting a "slip of paper" between our emotional response and our actions is important, the best thing we can do for ourselves and our kids is heal the reasons we are triggered by specific things in the first place. Here's where you can find

Are you already punishing yourself for breaking your impossibly difficult New Year's resolution? Yes, the one where you were going to eat 12 vegetables or run for 20 minutes or read an entire book every single day of 2023 (or do all three, for you masochists out there.) Here's how to work towards goals while remembering that so much of what we feel guilt over is actually morally neutral. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss how a "back to one" is different from a resolution, and how viewing resets as inevitable, rather than deep personal failings, is a much more productive approach. Still working on the same resolution from last year? Of course you are! Always be resolving–to move forward without guilt over what you didn't do yesterday. LINKS! Melissa Kirsch for the NYT: "Broken Promises" Mick de Boer for Inside Out Mastery: "19 Mind-Blowing New Year’s Resolution Statistics" Our "Back to Ones" episode from 2022 Listen to the "Edit Your Life" podcast, the newest addition to the Adalyst Media netwo

Leaving your kids for the first time in, well, forever? Getting anxious about how saying farewell will fly? A listener wrote in to say: "My spouse and I are planning to leave our kids for the weekend for the first time (they're 6, 5, and 3). what's the best way to prepare them? 2 of my kids- yes, including the oldest- cry if I'm going out to dinner. We'll be leaving really early on Saturday morning- do I get them up to say goodbye? Is that a bad idea? How long beforehand do I tell them- or is this something best addressed at the last minute?" Rebranding your trip as a special time for your kids may help assuage some of the anxiety they may feel at your leaving. Ultimately, these short trips away are a good reminder for you and your kids that they can be without you and still have a good time! Links! Sorry, Grownups, You Can't Go to School by Christina Geist https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593480328 Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Re

Contrary to what social media would have us believe, not every hobby has to turn into a madly successful side-hustle that takes the world by storm. Margaret talks with Liz Gumbinner, co-host of the podcast "Spawned with Kristen and Liz," about why it's okay to just make really delicious cookies. Liz Gumbinner is a writer, award-winning ad agency creative director, and mom of teens. Online she’s better known as the publisher of coolmompicks.com and the author of the OG mom blog Mom-101. Her Substack newsletter, I’m Walking Here, looks at media, politics, and culture through a witty parenting lens. Liz and Margaret discuss why parenting itself has become another thing to "hustle" around, as well as the difference between ambition and "the hustle." It's great to spend a night with your family or friends without taking/posting any pics at all and just being present, says Liz. It gives you perspective on what's important in life and helps you refocus how you want to spend more of your time. Here's where you ca

What oddities do you love that others might look askance at? Is it your magical singing rice cooker? The silence just before it snows? Terrible Ikea instructions? Amy and Margaret share their weird pleasures and chime in on some listener suggestions as well. Amy and Margaret discuss: 11:11 Why socks DON'T rock Neon signs Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Author Accelerator’s Book Coach Certification program provides resources to help you launch your own thriving business coaching writers. Head to bookcoaches.com/podcasts to find out more. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. If you want to live

When you have more than one kid event in your calendar, how do you hit both– or choose one and live with your kid's disappointment? A listener in our Facebook group asks: "Moms with multiple children: how do you handle the anxiety, guilt, and disappointment when kids' activities overlap? I’m not talking about missing one of the bajillion 4th grade basketball games. I mean the once-a-year or even once-every-few-years very important events. How do you decide which child’s event is more important ? How do moms do this without feeling absolutely guilt-ridden and sad? It’s an impossible situation to be in and I’m feeling paralyzed." The most important thing you can do is talk about these issues as a group and problem-solve together. Can the parents split up the event duties? Can another relative, friend, or neighbor step in? If you're doing your best to make your kid feel supported, not just by you but by the other people in their tribe, then you can let yourself off the hook for not showing up to every

We've all felt the guilt that comes with taking time away from our kids to do something we enjoy. But if we're always being told how liberating it is to do things for ourselves, why do we have such complicated feelings about? Dr. Amber Thornton tells us how we can successfully balance our lives both as women and as mothers. Dr. Amber Thornton is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Millennial Motherhood Wellness Coach. She is the Founder of Balanced Working Mama, with a mission to completely change the narrative of what is possible for millennial mothers by helping them to better balance work, motherhood, and wellness. She's also the host of the BALANCED WORKING MAMA podcast. Dr. Amber resides in Washington, D.C., with her husband and 2 little ones.  Dr. Amber, Margaret, and Amy discuss: What it means to set a boundary successfully What's really behind mom guilt The perils of secondary expectations It's important to remember that our feelings about our situation don't necessarily reflect the reality tha

What do we do when the magic of the holiday season is behind us, spring is months away, and we have to keep kids busy for months more of cold weather until then? Melanie from our FB group wrote in to say: Can we talk about the transition out of the festive season and into plain ol' winter? We went all out celebrating this year with my kids (3 and 1) . Now things are going to be pretty quiet for the next couple of months. I'm a stay at home mom in a very rural area where January and February mean cold, ice and bad roads. Realistically, we're not going to be going as many places or seeing as many people. Even getting outside with two tiny kids is a big job. How can I help ease my 3yo back into her normal routine when I too tend to be susceptible to the winter blahs and burnout this time of year? I can feel the loneliness setting in. Does anyone else mind this time of year or is it just me? It's not just you. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why women are more susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and how

What should a parent do when their child is suddenly excluded from their friend group? Amy helps a listener unpack the complexities of this problem: "My 13-year-old daughter has inexplicably been dropped from her friend group at her very small school (less than 10 girls in the grade). As far as my daughter can figure, nothing has precipitated this change. The moms would regularly communicate with each other via text to coordinate as we don’t live in the same town. As a result of this, I know that the moms know that their girls are ostracizing mine. They know she is not invited by their girls. They are no longer texting me to make the plans, carpools, etc. My daughter is distraught. I am also sick to my stomach over it. I don’t know how to help her. I am also heartbroken because I felt that I also thought that I I had the beginnings of a friendship with these women. How do I help my daughter through this?" This is devastating both for the teen in question and us as moms, Amy explains, because our emotion

Ophira Eisenberg is a Canadian-born standup comedian and writer. You may remember Ophira as the host of NPR’s comedy trivia show Ask Me Another. Ophira is also a regular host and teller with The Moth and her stories have been featured on The Moth Radio Hour and in their best-selling books. Her comedy special Inside Joke is available on Amazon and iTunes. Ophira is also a parent to a 6-year-old and the host of the new comedy podcast Parenting Is A Joke co-produced by iHeart Radio and Pretty Good Friends Productions.  Ophira, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Mom worsts Airport teddy bears The gray area between being wildly successful and quitting Here's where you can find Ophira: @ophirae on Twitter and IG Parenting Is A Joke: http://prettygoodfriends.com/parenting Instagram & FB: @parentingisajoke Twitter: @parentingjoke Ophira’s new solo show "Leaving A Mark: A Comedy About Scars” blends all the rawness, vulnerability, and immediacy of first-person storytelling along with sharp stand

Do you hate feeling unable to help people in crisis, or do you worry about getting too involved and stepping on toes? There are ways to give help to people in need that are productive and considerate, and our listeners wrote in with some excellent examples. Amy and Margaret discuss: How to avoid the "let me know if you need anything" trap The "comfort in, dump out" model of caretaking The perils of too many lasagnas The best help you can give may be something that feels inconsequential to you but is actually a huge help to the people in need. Whatever your role ends up being during a crisis, accept it graciously, and don't expect a hero's fanfare for your efforts. Links! Anne Helen Petersen: A Shortcut for Caring for Others (and Being Cared for Yourself) Susan Silk and Barry Goldman for the LA Times: "How not to say the wrong thing" Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start ear

Does it feel like everyone else's child is petting golden retrievers in flowered fields while yours are crying in a pile of Cheerios on the floor? Mom FOMO - the fear that you're not giving your kids the positive experiences that all of their peers are getting - is real. Here are some concrete ways to address it. This week's question comes from Amy in our Facebook group: "Ok moms how do you all handle FOMO? Avoid social media? Any advice? This is mainly pertaining to things my kids might be missing out on. Experiences, activities, etc." Margaret discusses some favorite answers to this question from WFH listeners, including JOMO, curating your social media feed to exclude particularly triggering posters, and, Margaret's favorite, list-making. Join our Facebook group! www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast Read all of the answers to Amy's question in the original thread Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampe

Cindy Muchnick is the author of THE PARENT COMPASS: Navigating Your Teen's Wellness & Academic Journey in Today's Competitive World. Cindy has been working in education for the past 25+ years as a former Assistant Director of College Admission, high school teacher, and educational consultant. Cindy is also a mother of three sons and a daughter, now ages 16 to 24. In this interview Cindy, Amy, and Margaret discuss: The "true north" of the Parent Compass How to assess when you should and shouldn't intervene in our child's life How to reframe what success means for our kids To help our kids thrive, we first have to follow our own compasses as parents and investigate why we parent the way we do. This self-reflection helps us help our kids - which sometimes means helping them less. Here's where you can find Cindy: Twitter | @ParentCompass1 Instagram | @parentcompass Facebook | TheParentCompass www.cynthiamuchnick.com Buy Cindy's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781641702881 Special thanks to our s

Why is it siblings so often seem to be total opposites? If we notice that and lean into comparisons, are we bad parents? And if our kids really are completely different, are they choosing those divergent paths on purpose? Yes and no. Here's why kids in the same family can turn out so differently, and what it means for us as we parent them. In this episode we discuss: The definition of "adaptive divergence" The difference between knowing our kids and comparing them Why each of our children, even in the same household, grow up in their own "micro environments" At the end of the day, we're wired to compare our kids as naturally as breathing. And instead of punishing ourselves for doing so, noticing when we do it and why is a good start. Even if you think you already know everything about your kids, keep your data intake sheets open! LINKS! Our episode "Why Are Our Kids Such Total Opposites?" Lynn Berger for Mother Mag: "How (Not To) Compare Your Children" Dr. Frank Sulloway: "Why Siblings Are Like

Have you ever felt disappointed that you have only sons or only daughters? You're not alone, and you don't have to feel guilty about your feelings, either. A listener says: "I had my third boy in December (a surprise pregnancy and, frankly, one that my husband did not want). I'm finding it very difficult to get over the fact that I will never have a daughter. My mom and I were insanely close growing up and I always thought I'd continue that strong bond with my own daughter. All my friends and community around me have girls - we were literally the only of our network to have a boy and now I have three.  I can't help feeling sad that I am missing out on a part of life that I grew up looking forward to. I feel so ashamed about it, I haven't been able to speak the words to anyone (least of all my husband who would fear I want a fourth - I don't, by the way).  Many people keep asking if we're going to "try again for a girl," which we were never doing in the first place and just makes me feel more upset. My bo

Do you feel like you're in a constant state of verbal contact with your kids - either arguing, praising, or commanding, all day long? So did Michaeleen Doucleff, until she went on assignment to the Yucatan to learn about Mayan methods of parenting. Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff is a science reporter for NPR and the author of the New York Times best-seller Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. In this "Best Of" interview Amy, Margaret, and Michaeleen discuss: The power of NOT negotiating with your child Tenets of WEIRD parenting (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) How Michaeleen's relationship with her daughter has improved with these techniques Taking note of how much you insert yourself into your child's activities during the day - and making a conscious effort to do so less - is a very important part of improving both your child's behavior and your relationship with them. Here's where you can find Michaelee

It is often difficult and painful to break parenting patterns that were harmful to us as children. But pattern-breaking is entirely possible and may not be as difficult as we fear. In this "Best Of" episode, Amy and Margaret discuss the definition of a pattern, how to notice our own, and why changing is indeed an option.  Noticing your physical reactions to triggering situations - and noting that those are reactions to past situations, not the present one - can help you on your way to breaking old patterns. Links! Karen Young for Hey Sigmund: Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Parenting – How to Silence Old Toxic Messages for Good "This Be The Verse" by Philip Larkin Robert Taibbi for Psychology Today: Breaking Old Patterns? Expect Psychological Withdrawal Rough Draft by Katie Tur Join our Facebook group!  Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with eve

Parenting through grief can be isolating, overwhelming, and debilitating all at the same time. Margaret shares some helpful tactics, both from research and from her own experience, for processing a parent's terminal diagnosis while simultaneously helping your children understand the situation. A listener wrote in to say: "Good morning! I found your podcast in 2020 and love listening to you both. I am a 39-year-old mom of 2 girls (6 and 4). My mother was recently given a terminal diagnosis (specifically ALS). Margaret, you have spoken about the loss of your mother on the podcast. I was wondering if you have any tips or advice on how to handle the loss of your mother while also parenting young children (including how to keep her memory alive, since they are so young)." Margaret explains that it's important to process your feelings alone or with another adult before taking on your children's questions and feelings. But at the same time, it's important to speak openly and frankly with your children about what's h

Do us a solid! Take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey. KC Davis is the creator of the mental health platform Struggle Care, where she shares a revolutionary approach to self and home care for those dealing with mental health, physical illness, and hard seasons of life. She is a licensed professional therapist, author, speaker, and advocate for mental health and recovery. She's the host of the podcast Struggle Care– a member of our Adalyst Media podcast network!– and the author of How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing, which NPR just named one of their favorite books of 2022. We all get overwhelmed when we see our chaotic houses as endless "to-clean" lists that we never complete. In this "best of" episode, KC Davis offers simple and easy-to-implement strategies for making cleaning up functional--and giving you small wins along the way that really count. In this episode, KC, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why dirty dishes are morally neutral The fi

What Fresh Hell is a finalist for a Signal Award! Please vote for our show to win a People's Choice Award at bit.ly/votesignalaward. Voting closes December 22! Here's the Spotify playlist of our favorite episodes from 2022! In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Their past lives Why Polly Pockets are banned in Margaret's house How to know when to walk away - and when to run 2022 has been a great year for What Fresh Hell and for our new podcast network, Adalyst Media. We're excited to bring you more #oldilocks moments, interesting guests, and parenting solutions in 2023. Happy holidays! Special thanks to our Adalyst Media and What Fresh Hell team! Christy Haussler of Team Podcast, Editor Erica Furgiuele, Production Manager Sarah Levithan, Head of Sales at Adalyst Media Gabbi Lindgren, Assistant Director of Operations at Adalyst Media Keila Hill-Trawick of Little Fish, our accountant Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Reco

If your child gets gifts they don't like from well-meaning family members, it can be difficult to navigate. The last thing we want to do is hurt our loved one's feelings, but we also need to teach our kids how best to handle this situation. Listener Gabbi wrote in to say: "Last year my 5-year-old daughter got a Christmas gift from my in-laws – a monogrammed chair for her room. They were excited about it and she was obviously not, and I had to smooth over hurt feelings later. Is there any way to help a handle the disappointment of receiving an unwanted present without making it too obvious?" Amy explains that when someone gives your child a present, it is important for them to recognize that this gift was given out of love and kindness. Even if they don't love the gift itself, they can still appreciate the kind gesture behind it. And you can always suggest or even purchase a gift yourself for your family member to give your child! Links! Sheila Hanson for Popsugar: "These 5 Words Changed the Way My Kids Rece

Natalie Mayslich is the President of Consumer for Care.com, where she is responsible for expanding, building and delivering the Company’s portfolio of Childcare and Senior Care products and services. Blessing Adesiyan is the Founder of Mother Honestly, a platform that provides financial technology and work-life infrastructure to employers and is reshaping the future of women and families at home and in the workplace. Natalie and Blessing are here to talk to us today about a new joint research study between Care.com and Mother Honestly that assesses how remote work truly impacts working families at work and at home. The findings of that study have just been published as The Modern Workplace Report.  Natalie and Blessing explain: How remote work makes employees more productive and parents more involved How remote work has changed gender roles in the home How employers can implement effective remote work policies Here's where you can find Natalie and Blessing: www.care.com www.motherhonestly.com @

"Holiday Creep" is well on its way to being an entry in Merriam-Webster's dictionary. And with good reason. Amy and Margaret bemoan the fact the Christmas seems to start ever earlier, and weigh in on their strategies for managing the gift giving, decorating, and scheduling craziness at this time of year. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why Margaret is everyone's Christmas nightmare The 3 best rules for holiday gift giving When Christmas should REALLY start The solution to all the madness? Let the laws of holiday attrition work in your favor! If something falls off the list of priorities or is just no longer fun, take it off the calendar. Ask for a no-gift-exchange policy amongst family, friends, and coworkers, and find your "no" when it comes to holiday events, tasks, or experiences that are nothing but drudge for everyone! The only thing on our wish list this year is for you to take our listener survey: bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey Links! Here's the Spotify playlist of our holiday episodes Anne Helen Petersen,

Do you have multiple groups of relatives who plan on spending the holidays with you? If you've got parents, in-laws, and other relatives competing for your time and attention, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. A listener asks: "How do you tackle splitting time between family over the holidays with a newborn? Both sets of grandparents live in the same town, but how do we decide that it's time to leave one place and go to the next? It's already tough keeping up eating and napping schedules." Margaret suggests making a detailed schedule for holiday time with each group of relatives and sharing it with everyone involved so no unpleasant surprises occur. And manage expectations for yourself and for your family around how many visits you'll be able to achieve with kids in tow. The holidays should be a time for family fun above all! Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earni

Heather Chauvin is a leadership coach who helps ambitious, overwhelmed women break free from their fears to courageously and authentically live, work, and parent on their own terms. She’s the host of the podcast Emotionally Uncomfortable and the author of Dying To Be A Good Mother: How I Dropped the Guilt and Took Control of My Parenting and My Life.  Heather explains: How a stage four cancer diagnosis changed her life's trajectory Her process of writing down desires rather than goals Why atomic habits are the key to success for busy moms Working towards your goals is a long game of tiny shifts, says Heather. It's not about waking up one day and moving to Bali to open a bar (although if that IS your dream, more power to you!) It's about taking one minute, then two, then ten, to make space for your desires not just as a wife and a mother but as a full human being. Here's where you can find Heather: https://heatherchauvin.com/ IG: @heatherchauvin_ Facebook: @heatherchauvincoaching Listen to the "Emotio

Whether it's fish, feet, or ramen, our listeners have got some very odd things that they just can't stand. We discuss the breadth and depth of their very weirdest fears, along with our own aversions to the darndest things. Margaret and Amy discuss: Margaret's fear of grass and jazz Amy's rusty yoga poses The scariest Muppets Links! Babies refusing to stand on grass montage Join our Facebook group Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z Check out all of our Adalyst Media Network podcasts Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Aura Frames turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one

If our kids seem standoffish at first when other adults try to engage them in conversation, parents may worry that such kids are missing essential social skills. This week a listener asks: "I'd love ideas on how to get your child to engage in normal back-and-forth conversation with adults. My four-year-old won’t respond to extended family or other adults when they try to talk her her. No “Hello," no “Thank you”, etc. If the adults engage in play with her, then she will be very chatty. But this morning she wouldn’t respond when her own father said ”Good morning." This is probably totally age-appropriate, and she's a happy, well-adjusted kid, but she struggles with this. I’ve been trying to practice and prep her with how to respond before events, but that hasn’t made much progress." Amy assures our listener that this behavior is both age-appropriate and worth having a discussion about. Put your child in the driver's seat with a little role play, practicing both initiating conversation and respo

Ever heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? Maslow proposed a pyramid as the pattern through which human needs and motivations generally move. We can't worry about what's at the upper levels of the pyramid until and unless the more basic needs at the bottom of the pyramid– food, warmth, safety– are met first. Leslie Forde, founder of Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs, has rethought that pyramid for the way we live our lives as mothers. There's a reason there's not enough bandwidth in our lives for fun and connection and self-actualization. Mom’s Hierarchy of Needs provides moms with products, research and community to reclaim time from their never-done to-do lists. In this episode, Leslie explains: Why mom's hierarchy of needs is a little different than Maslow's When and why your hierarchy of needs might shift How to prioritize your career, healthy relationships, and self-care in your own hierarchy Leslie says that it's important to realize your health and wellbeing is equal in importance to your children

Do us a solid! Take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey. When parenting feels like all work and no play, we may resignedly think "Well, that's the way it's supposed to be." But if you feel like parenting is more draining than fulfilling, there are ways to bring more presence, joy, and fun into the mix. Amy and Margaret discuss: why having fun as a family usually means doing what kids think is fun, which is not the same as US having fun what psychologists say is required in order to have fun- and why those same things can be in short supply in our lives as parents the role of "flow" in fun, and whether eight hours of video games might start to have diminishing returns Sometimes parenting isn't fun. The reasons for that aren't our fault, and losing the guilt that it's not all more fun can really help. On the other hand, if it's never fun, there might be some rearrangements of our family life that can occur... and we've got ideas on how to start. Links! Jennifer Senior: All Joy And No Fun: Th

Does your kid ask you to make their breakfast or do their laundry despite the fact that they know how to do these things? Where's the line between lending them a hand and waiting on them hand and foot? Listener Lindsay asks: "Talk to me about how you field requests from your kids to “help them” with things they’re old enough to do themselves. Like my 12 year old’s constant requests to make her breakfast, or my 6 year old who will often ask me to go fetch things for her that she forgot elsewhere in the house. I will often decline and tell them that they can do these things themselves… but then I wonder — couldn’t they say the same thing to me when I ask them for help? They’re always very willing to help me when I ask, and I know they are probably looking at these requests of me in the same light. How do I reciprocate their willingness to help me without teaching them learned helplessness? " There's no hard-and-fast rule for how much your kids should be doing around the house. As long as you con

Why does it feel like our career and our family are pulling us in different directions and making it hard to be fully present in both arenas? In her new book Work, Parent, Thrive: 12 Science-Backed Strategies to Ditch Guilt, Manage Overwhelm, and Grow Connection (When Everything Feels Like too Much). Dr. Yael Schonbrun explains how we can move from a zero-sum mindset to a life in which our work life and our family life are enable to enrich each other. Yael Schonbrun is also the co-host of the "Psychologists Off the Clock" podcast, an assistant professor at Brown University, and a mother of three little comedians. In this episode Yael and Amy discuss: Why the guilt that often accompanies parenting is hard-wired into us What values clarification looks like Why starting a "stop doing" list can be surprisingly helpful Here's where you can find Yael: Twitter: @DrYaelSchonbrun #WorkParentThrive Buy Yael's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781611809657 Links! Our Fresh Take with Dr. Jill Stoddard on how to

Please take our listener survey at bit.ly/whatfreshhellsurvey! It helps us bring you sponsors you'll love– and it keeps this podcast going! When we look at our kids– and think of the responsibilities we had and risks we took at their ages– a lot of us think our kids are growing up more slowly. This is definitely not always a bad thing. But when our kid is playing Pokémon and their peers have moved on to Snapchat, should we be encouraging them to blossom? Or letting them stay young a little longer? Amy and Margaret discuss: why it's good to have "young" kids when to rescue, and when to leave them alone how to make our own homes safe havens for our kids to be exactly who they are Links! Camille Noe Pagán for WebMD: "Is It Immaturity or ADHD?" Alloprof Parents: "5 ways to support an immature first grader" PsychCentral: "The Effects of Trauma from Growing up Too Fast" Amy Norton for CBS News: "Why today's teens are growing up more slowly than they used to" Katie Bishop for BBC: "Kids getti

When our kids get overwhelmed with homework and tests and schedule-making, it can be pretty clear they need our help. Sometimes they come right out and ask for assistance– only to then angrily insist every suggestion we make is the dumbest thing ever. How can we support our stressed kids without being trash cans for all their frustration and bad feelings? A member of our Facebook group says: My family moved last spring to a new school district with higher standards than our previous one. Our teen is really having a hard time understanding how to manage his time. I know he has all the tools and support to be successful, so the only thing holding him back is his own effort/attitude. He procrastinates and bargains his way into doing the least possible effort and then when I check in with him to review or to help plan his assignments he snarls at me. He is in this cycle of not wanting to do the work or the task in the moment, and then getting pissed later that he essentially set himself up to struggle. We let

Self-declared late-bloomer Wendi Aarons is an award-winning humorist, writer, and author who's written for McSweeney’s, The New Yorker Daily Shouts, US Weekly, and BuzzFeed. Her new book, "I'm Wearing Tunics Now: On Growing Older, Better, and a Hell of a Lot Louder," is an exploration of self-acceptance, second acts, and unapologetically chasing the lives we deserve as women. In this episode we discuss: why we would– and wouldn't– go back to when we were younger the ability to reprioritize female friendships at midlife why every new mom feels like she's in a middle-school cafeteria Aging can bring unwelcome surprises along with it, says Wendi, but it can also bring some welcome ones. Here's where you can find Wendi: Social media: @WendiAarons www.wendiaarons.com Buy Wendi's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781524873738 Wendi's open letter to Always Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers C

What did adulthood mean to you when you were growing up? Staying up late? Doing algebra every day? Stopping, dropping, and rolling at least once a week? We asked our listeners what they thought would come in handy or plague them daily when they grew up. Amy and Margaret discuss: "Oops! All Berries" Cap'n Crunch cereal Chunky statement pieces How to get the upper hand in "Jeopardy" Here's the original thread in our Facebook group where we asked this question Sign up for our newsletter! Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. For gifts of all kinds, Etsy has it. Use code MERRY10 at checkout for 10% off your first purchase at etsy.com. F

Have you caught your kid using some choice words in your presence, perhaps ones he picked up from older friends or even you yourself? Wondering how to rein in your little goodfella? A listener wrote in to say: "Our almost-eight-year-old has been hanging around some older kids, and has found it amusing to use various swear words both casually and in a derogatory context at home. We’ve had multiple talks about how, while we don’t care that he knows these words, we don’t want him using them in our presence and in the presence of others as they can be considered very rude and insulting. It hasn’t seem to have made a difference. Is this a phase? Do we just blank-face ignore it? Is it time for a negative consequence for swearing just because he gets a kick out of it? We also don’t want it to wear off on our four-year-old." Margaret says that finding the middle way between reactive punishment and blank-faced detachment when your kid swears in front of you is the key to success. Here's how to thread that n

Why do so many mothers struggle with new parenthood if the maternal instinct is supposed to "kick in" and tell us all exactly what to do? In her new book Mother Brain: How Neuroscience Is Rewriting the Story of Parenthood, Chelsea Conaboy cracks the myth of the maternal instinct wide open. In this episode, Chelsea explains: How caring for a baby changes the brain of both biological and nonbiological parents, both gestational and non-gestational, and for far longer than we realize Why the traditional view of "baby blues" falls far short of what new parents need Why the parent-child bond is a two-way street, and how each of our children changes our brains further How we can use this new science to improve outcomes for all parents Here's where you can find Chelsea: Website: motherbrainbook.com Twitter: @cconaboy IG: @chelsea.wonder Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earn

For moms who want to make a change, whether it's returning to an old career after a break, or forging a entirely new path, Amy and Margaret are here to tell you: it's possible, and it can be a time that feels like possibility instead of a series of closed doors. Amy and Margaret discuss: Their own (multiple) experiences with pivoting How the pandemic has affected working moms The challenges of reentering the workforce after being a stay-at-home parent for some time The first step to pivoting? Uncovering what you really want in this next stage of your professional life, which will take some time and reflection. Think big. Links! Caroline Fairchild for Working Together: "Nearly half of mothers work, take a break, and work again. Why is there still such a stigma?" Jamie Birt for Indeed: "9 Tips for Stay-at-Home Parents Re-Entering the Workforce" Misty L. Heggeness et. al: "Tracking Job Losses for Mothers of School-Age Children During a Health Crisis" Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray,

Does your child crumple every time he makes a mistake? Particularly when it's in front of an audience? A listener named Katherine wrote in to say: My 8-year-old son is very aware of how he performs relative to others. When he is performing “worse” than others he is very hard on himself. He says “I’m the worst” and cries. This comes up most often in sports. He played baseball recently and when he struck out he often cried. (I think the public nature of striking out heightens his distress.) We try to validate his emotions. We try to encourage and validate his efforts and not the outcome. But nothing seems to work. It’s heart breaking. I don’t want to get into a logical battle with him about him not being the worst!  A logical battle is indeed not the answer, Amy explains. You're arguing with the default mode network. Redirecting and distracting from the issue will make it easier on both you and your kid. Links! Fresh Take: Dr. Ned Hallowell on the Newest Science and Essential Strategies for ADHD

Hunter Clarke-Fields is the creator of the Mindful Parenting course, the host of the Mindful Mama Podcast, and the author of Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids. Hunter helps parents bring more calm and peace into their daily lives. Hunter has over twenty years of experience in meditation practices and has taught mindfulness to thousands worldwide. She is the mother to two daughters. In this interview Hunter explains: The true definition of mindfulness How to break the cycle of reactivity Her own struggles with staying mindful as a parent The key is to start small with creating a mindfulness practice, Hunter says. (Oh, and it may sound cliché, but lots of deep breaths, too. Guess what? It works.) Here's where you can find Hunter: FB/Instagram - @mindfulmamamentor YouTube - @HunterClarkeFieldsMindfulMamaMentor Twitter - @HClarkeFields Pinterest - @mindfulmamamentor Website: www.mindfulmamamentor.com Buy Hunter's Book Rais

If a three-year-old can't wait thirty seconds more for dinner, will she grow up to be an impatient adult? Is there anything we can do to teach our kids patience– and should we? Impatience is completely normal in kids (not to mention grownups), but there are ways to help our children develop this skill. It's worth the effort– not to make our kids more compliant and quiet in church, but because patience and overall happiness, as it turns out, are highly correlated. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: Why impatience is developmentally appropriate- and when kids are ready to become more patient The infamous "marshmallow experiment" How to model patience for our kids (and find a little more happiness ourselves) Links! Steve Calechman for Greater Good Magazine: "How to Help Your Kids Be a Little More Patient" Angel E Navidad for SimplyPsychology: "Marshmallow Test Experiment and Delayed Gratification" Scholastic Parents: "Teaching Patience" Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For

Is the phrase "Well, you didn't say NOT to" a common refrain in your house? Some kids love to find ways around the rules and regulations parents or teachers set down. A listener wrote in to say: "How do you get your middle schooler to focus his incredible power of finding loopholes in all things from pointless ideas to more proactive agendas? He’s smart, witty, loves attention, and can argue with a brick wall. How do I help him channel that to good? Or how do I survive until he is mature enough to do it naturally? " Margaret explains that boundary-seeking behavior is natural in kids and that parenting is more about "benevolent dictatorship" than constant policing. For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Laura Vanderkam is the author of several time management books, including the just-out "Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters." She hosts the every-weekday-morning podcast "Before Breakfast" and also co-hosts "Best of Both Worlds" with Sarah Hart-Unger. She lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and five children. Laura explains: How to create a "resilient" schedule How to start small with prioritizing the more important things What keeps people from taking ownership of their time Starting small is the key, Laura says, by investigating how you currently spend your time and using that information as a launch point to move towards a more "resilient" schedule. Here's where you can find Laura: http:///lauravanderkam.com @lvanderkam on Twitter and IG @lauravanderkamauthor on FB Buy Laura's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593419007 Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand.

What's your scariest mom-ster story? Do you leave half-empty cups everywhere like Margaret? Do you leave hairs on the shower wall like Amy? We asked our listeners when they were the mom-sters, and some of the answers sent chills down our spines! In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: "Driver's License" (wait, is it not cool anymore?) The secret to moms' bad moods Recycling rules (and how we don't respect them) Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Gladskin is clinically proven skincare for people of all ages with eczema, acne, and rosacea. October is National Eczema Awareness Month! Get 15% off plus free shipping at gladskin.com

Does another kid have an unrequited crush on your kid? How does your kid shut it down without seeming cruel or unkind? A listener on FB asks: A girl has a big crush on my 8-year-old boy. She follows him around, always tries to sit next to him, and is constantly trying to talk to him. He isn't interested in her (or anyone); he just wants to hang out with his buddies. I told him he doesn't have to like her back, but he just can't be mean to her. Is there anything he can say to her that isn't mean but will let her know he doesn't want to hang out with her? Amy explains that setting boundaries is just as important for boys as it is for girls and gives some practice phrases for kids to do just that. There is a way to take the middle road of validating both kids' emotions while maintaining healthy boundaries and decorum, she says. Links: Rae Jacobson for Child Mind Institute: "Helping Girls Deal With Unwanted Sexual Attention" Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 P

Carla Naumburg, PhD, LICSW, is a clinical social worker, and mother. She’s the author of four non-fiction books, including her international bestseller, How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids (Workman, 2019), as well as You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent, and the forthcoming How to Stop Freaking Out, the (completely swear-free) middle-grade adaptation of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids. Carla explains: Sh*tty Parenting Syndrome (SPS) The "second arrow" of suffering The four pillars of practicing self-compassion: noticing, connection, curiosity, and kindness Self-compassion isn't meant to help you feel better, Carla says. It's meant to assure you that you can still feel all of the big emotions that come with parenting while taking care of yourself and validating whatever you are feeling. This allows us to approach parenting from a place of calm, clarity, creativity, and confidence. Here's where you can find Carla: @carlanaumburg on IG @CarlaGeorge22 on Twitter /cnaumburg on Facebook https://

Which teacher is your kid's favorite person in school? How did a teacher give your kid extra support that they weren't required to give? How did a teacher advocate for your kid when they weren't able to do it for themselves? The examples are endless, yet teachers are under an immense amount of pressure to deliver flawless educational educational experiences for every single one of their students, as this listener explained in our Facebook group: "Please allow me to provide a peek behind the teacher curtain. If you dare to try and save your families from a bed full of confetti the night before school and save your remaining sanity and $40, the principal calls you to their office the next day. With a judgmental sniff, they tell you they just got off the phone with that one mom who is “very upset” that her special snowflake cried herself to sleep last night because her friend had the magical, life altering opportunity to fill the house with glitter confetti and YOU deprived Snowflake of the same incredib

Thinking about planning a long-distance road trip for your family in an RV? Not sure where to start? Julie on Facebook asks: My kid wants to do an RV trip next summer. We live in Ohio and have no specific destinations in mind yet. But any resources to help us learn the ropes and pitfalls ahead of time would be greatly appreciated. When she went on a six-day RV trip with her family, Margaret learned some easy and some DEFINITELY not so easy lessons about road trips with kids. Hint: less is definitely more! Margaret rented her RV from cruiseamerica.com (not a sponsor, btw) For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we're delighted to be talking to an expert whose work has shaped our understanding about effective and compassionate parenting more than anyone else we can think of. Dr. Stuart Shanker is a Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus of Philosophy and Psychology, the Founder & Visionary of The MEHRIT Centre, Ltd., and Self-Reg Global Inc. He is the author of several books, including Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life. The Self-Reg framework uses cutting-edge neuroscience to help children and adults feel happy and think clearly by better regulating themselves. Dr. Shanker's latest books are Self-Reg Schools: A Handbook for Educators (2019) and Reframed: Self-Reg for a Just Society . In this episode, Dr. Shanker explains: the three basic principles of the self-reg framework how stress affects kids' behavior how to break the spiraling stress cycle for both parents and kids Find Dr. Shanker's self-reg courses here: https://sel

Happy 6th Anniversary to What Fresh Hell! In six years of doing this podcast, we've learned a lot, changed our minds, and watched our kids grow. This week we're talking about the most important things we've learned over the last six years, and what a privilege it is to be part of this incredible podcast community. Thanks for listening! Here are some things we talk about in this episode: Fresh Take: Helena Andrews-Dyer on Learning From Moms Not Like Us Fresh Take: Dr. Becky Goodman on Being "Good Inside" Faberge Organics Hairspray commercial (tell two friends!) Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  Betterhelp

Bedtime struggles don't end once your kids are no longer toddlers. Is bedtime at your house leaving you more exhausted than the kids? A listener wrote in to say: "I just re-listened to your bedtime routine podcast to get some much-needed advice. I have 8 and 11-year-olds and we are having trouble with bedtime. I am spending 2+ hours with the whole routine and it goes without saying that I’m getting burned out. I can apply some of the tips from that particular episode which was geared towards a four-year-old, but do you have any tips for these ages? Anything is appreciated." Amy suggests this listener hink about what she can add and what she can take away. If the song-and-dance has become part of the routine, it might be time for a "back to one." Listen on for some ideas. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Helena Andrews-Dyer is an award-winning culture reporter for The Washington Post. Her new memoir “The Mamas: What I Learned About Kids, Class, and Race From Moms Not Like Me” tells the story of how Helena joined her local mom group —“the Mamas”— after having her first child. Helena quickly realized that being one of the only Black mothers in the mix was a mixed bag. The racial, cultural, and socioeconomic differences were made clear almost immediately. In this interview, Helena and Margaret discuss what it's like raising Black children in America, what she's learned about the connections motherhood forges, and the many cultural spaces Helena has occupied throughout her life. Helena and Margaret discuss: The ways motherhood is racialized for Black women Being an "invisible mom" What it takes to make an authentic connection with another mother Here's where you can find Helena: www.helenaandrews.com find THE MAMAS in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593240311 @helena_andre

There are lots of reasons why someone might find parenting easier when their spouse is not around, and not all of them are a cause to call in the couples therapist. A listener posted in our Facebook group: Anyone else feel like things are easier when their spouse isn’t home? We’ve been dealing with some family issues so he is out of town. I find that when he isn’t here, my kids listen better, we make a good team and work together, they sleep better, etc. Is that weird? How can one person make such a difference? Not much has changed except I do a little more (take out the trash, drop kids off at school) so it’s not that I have more time. It just seems more peaceful in our home or something. And to be honest, I’m not sure it’s a good sign! When we're solo parenting, we have more alone time, we don't have to negotiate child-related or housework-related decisions, and there are fewer dishes and dirty clothes to wash. If you like it when your spouse is away, that doesn't mean you love them any less or

Three-year-olds will do a lot of things to get attention– sometimes including spitting in your face. A listener wrote in to say: "My almost 3-year-old spits. He doesn't respond well to time-outs, losing toys/treats/etc., explaining that it's rude and hurtful. He spits in my face during church, at his older siblings, or any time he doesn't get his immediate way. He does it when he's getting attention, when he's not getting attention, when he's happy, when he's mad...I'm at a loss. I cannot find the pattern and it is really starting to get to me." The key, as Margaret explains, is to not give our kids the satisfaction of a big reaction to their unwanted behaviors. Easier said than done... but here are a few things to try. In this episode Margaret mentions: Amy Morin for Verywell Family: "How to Discipline a Child for Spitting" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Penelope Leach is a research psychologist and one of the world's leading experts in child development and upbringing. Penelope has helped millions of parents raise their children for more than forty years with her thoroughly researched, practical, baby-led advice, her wise, empathic, and sensible perspective, and her comforting voice. She also has two children and six grandchildren of her own. Penelope's classic childcare guide YOUR BABY AND CHILD is out now in a fully revised and updated edition. Much has changed since this book was first published in the 1970s, and this new edition thoughtfully incorporates all that we've learned about child development and family structures in the many years since. Amy, Margaret, and Dr. Leach discuss: How thinking around child development has changed [2:50] How a mother's stress affects her child [17:10] What parents are still worried about 50 years later [30:00] Grab your copy of YOUR BABY AND CHILD from our Bookshop store! Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newslett

Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z Cars with built-in refrigerator magnets, super strong hair-collecting magnets, and of course, Baby Uber (car seats included!) Our listeners had so many good ideas for life-saving parenting inventions that we couldn't fit them all into our first "Why Isn't This a Thing?" episode. So here is "Why Isn't This a Thing: Part Two: New Things Rising: Maybe It Is a Thing." Amy and Margaret discuss amazing ideas like: Hotels for sick moms Cocktail ice cream trucks Applebee's buzzers Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase! BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat s

Some kids have "lower set points" for needing to process experiences verbally and they may naturally be a quieter kid, which means parents may need to let go of the expectations they have set for having long, deep conversations with their kids every day after school. This week, a listener asks: I have three boys: almost 7, almost 4, almost 3. I've tried to do the rose/ thorn/ bud reflection at dinner to get even the tiniest glimpse in to my almost-7 year old's day. And I am constantly responded to with either "I dunno" or "So many things I can't even begin to tell you." When I/we say "Well, pick one" he will just shrug and say "I dunno" or stay silent. We will sit in the silence in order to give him time to think but he will always move on to a different topic - usually something he's obsessed with and nothing related to what we have been talking about. I've often said things like "Well, I'd love to know when you think of one thing" or have encouraged him to take his time, but we get nothing. At the end o

Donna Jackson Nakazawa is an award-winning science journalist whose work explores the intersection of neuroscience, immunology, and emotion. Her latest book, GIRLS ON THE BRINK: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media, unpacks the causes of the stress on American girls and its detrimental effects on their mental health. Donna, Margaret, and Amy discuss: Why girls tend to be more depressed and anxious than boys [2:07] How we've stolen girls' "safe in-between years" [17:30] "Antidote" strategies for helping girls through adolescence [26:30] Here's where you can find Donna: https://donnajacksonnakazawa.com @donnajacksonnakazawaauthor on Facebook Buy Donna's book! Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recomm

We're back with another roundup of what we're reading, watching, and listening to. Some of it's educational. Some of it's spicy. Some of it's just for fun. And all of it is totally worth your time! What we're reading: A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas All the Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership by Darcy Lockman Evgenia Peretz for Vanity Fair: "Scene Stealer: The True Lies of Elisabeth Finch, Part 1" Our What Fresh Hell newsletter! Subscribe on our homepage. What we're watching: Amy Winehouse documentary "Back to Black" The Rehearsal on HBO Napoleon Dynamite Jeopardy! Animal Facts @comedyfortheinternet #animalfacts Keep Sweet, Pray, and Obey Under the Banner of Heaven (book and TV show) KC Davis's TikTok @domesticblisters What we're listening to: The Seduction Dirty John Sweet Bobby A Normal Family: The JonBenet Ramsey Case Revisited Watch What Crappens Our Fresh Take with Kate Mangino Beyoncé's new album "Renaissance" Lizzo's new album "Specia

This week, a listener asks: My 10-year-old son is friendly, outgoing, and very accepting. He is also really interested in sports. He has a lot of acquaintances in both school and on his teams, but has no one I would call a best friend. He doesn’t get invited to a lot of birthday parties and rarely is asked for a play date, although the neighborhood kids will knock on the door and ask for him to come play a fair amount. He has ADHD and can get a little overly silly and/or annoy kids (I suspect). But he has not expressed any dissatisfaction with his social life and does not appear lonely, so I don’t want to project my thoughts and feelings on him, but is his lack of close friendships a concern? Is it something we should work on, perhaps social skills? I have never had a lot of acquaintances but have always had a few close friends. My friends changed throughout school but I always had a small group of close friends. Again, I know he is a different person than I am, but I don’t want to miss a sign of some

Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist and mom of three who’s rethinking the way we raise our children. She's the host of "Good Inside With Dr. Becky," named by Apple Podcasts as one of the best podcasts of 2021. She also empowers more than a million parents following her on Instagram @drbeckyatgoodinside.  Dr. Becky specializes in thinking deeply about what’s happening for kids and translating these ideas into simple, actionable strategies for parents. Her new book is GOOD INSIDE: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.  In this episode, Becky, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How kids communicate through their behaviors How to navigate behavior regulation when you're short on time Why "Good Inside" is a slightly different parenting approach Here's where you can find Dr. Becky: www.goodinside.com  @drbeckyatgoodinside on IG and FB Buy Dr. Becky's book Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App tod

Should our kids have chore lists– and if so, should they be paid allowances for them? If they're not getting paid to do chores, why exactly are they getting an allowance? Do we need to have any structure around chores at all? How old is old enough to be helpful around the house? In this episode, we discuss: Why chores set kids up for success down the road [12:52] The pros of paying kids to do chores [22:33] Non-monetary ways to motivate kids to do chores [26:00] Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Gia Miller for The Washington Post On Parenting: "I pay my kids to get dressed, do homework and more. It’s the best decision I ever made." Jennie Wallace for The Wall Street Journal: "Why Children Need Chores" AICPA: Four in Five Americans Say Allowance Teaches Financial Responsibility: New Survey Joe Pinsker for The Atlantic: The Way American Parents Think About Chores Is Bizarre Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic for Harvard Business Review: "Does Money Really Affect Motivation? A Revie

Has it been a while since you've had a night out? Does your parenting partner, in contrast, have an active social life? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group: How do I explain to my husband that while it’s nice he wants to see his friends weekly, he doesn’t have to?  He has two friends he hangs out with almost every week, and they're both child-free. So the hanging out always happens during bedtime– or sometimes he'll even leave mid-bedtime. I haven’t seen my friends solo in weeks! Maybe even months! I heard somewhere it’s easier for a dad or non primary caregiver to find childcare ( in their spouse ) than it is for a mom or primary care giver to find it in their spouse. Most of my friends' husbands hardly ever watch their kids, never do bedtimes, or even worse, have never cared for all their kids, solo, at once. The other problem is that it's less work to stay home than go out... Because you know your partner, if they watch the kids, will do the bare bones. The house will be a dis

Linda Flanagan is a journalist, researcher, and a former cross-country and track coach. She's also a founding board member of the Positive Coaching Alliance and an Advisory Group member for the Aspen Institute’s Reimagining Sports initiative. Flanagan's new book is TAKE BACK THE GAME: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids' Sports--and Why It Matters. Linda tells Amy and Margaret what forces conspired to make the youth sports landscape the way it is today. In this episode, Linda, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How the purpose of kids' sports has changed since we were playing ourselves [7:00] Why we assume sports build character, and whether that's true [14:30] How recruitment for college sports affects both kids' and parents' perspectives [22:15] Here's where you can find Linda: Buy Linda's book @lindaflanagan2 on Twitter Mindshift Podcast on NPR Read Linda's recent article in The Atlantic: "The Downsides of Having an Athlete in the Family" Our previous episode on kids' sports: "Youth Sports: If You Must" S

It's back-to-school season, and even if that means you have a few more hours to yourself each day, there are still plenty of fresh hells in store, from preseason sports to parent portals to an unholy invention called "ready confetti". Amy and Margaret share their own stories of times when back-to-school meant drive-me-mad. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Phyllis Fagell for The Washington Post: "Five ways parents can help children have a better school year" Ratchetdemic by Christopher Emdin Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Pampers are the #1 pediatrician-recommended diaper brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase! BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20%

This week, listener Katie says: Hi, Margaret and Amy. I am a longtime listener of the show and I've gained so much wisdom, comfort, and humorous perspectives on parenthood from you both. I am a parent of two boys, ages five going into kindergarten and nine going into fourth grade. Currently I am a full-time working-from-home mom. After school has always been my kryptonite. My boys tend to be grumpy and typically want to do different things. One wants to play with friends in the neighborhood, and one wants to veg and be on screens until dinner. We are low key with after school commitments. What are some habits or routines that work for you and your family after school? Margaret explains how scheduling blocks of time, sometimes different ones for each kid, can help give kids structure after school while also leaving room for downtime in the form of their choice. She also recommends you "feed the beast" right when kids get home and make time for homework before dinner, not after. If you want to leave us a voicem

Tiffany Jenkins writes honestly about motherhood, her experience with opioid addiction, recovery, marriage, and life in her blog Juggling the Jenkins. Her memoir High Achiever: The Incredible True Story of One Addict’s Double Life, Jenkins provides an up-close portrait of the mind of an addict and the devastating effects of narcotics. Jenkins uses her platform to help and inspire others who are struggling with motherhood, mental health, addiction, and those who just need a good laugh. In this "Best of" episode, we talk about whether being “real” always equates to being a hot mess express, Tiffany’s approaches to dealing with anxiety, and how the all-mom audiences Tiffany meets on her “My Name is Not Mom” tour are bringing rock-star levels of enthusiasm.  Find Tiffany Jenkins on Facebook and YouTube Hear us as guests on Tiffany’s podcast "Take it Or Leave It" And catch Tiffany on tour: https://mynameisnotmom.com/ Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Pampers are the #1 pediatricia

This episode topic was suggested by Pam Marie in our Facebook group:  What's your mom superpower? We often talk about what we get wrong, but what about the things you're really good at? Time to flex, What Fresh Hell community! Everyone needs an ‘Attaboy!’ every once in a while. And when you’re a mom, you usually have to give it to yourself. In this "Best of" episode, Amy brags about her X-ray recall of exactly where the shirt definitely *is* hanging in her son’s closet. Margaret explains that she’s a “super sniffer,” and you’ll have to listen to know what that’s all about. We discuss some of our listeners’ powers, as well. Whether you’re Eileen, whose kids have not been late to school once in seven years, or Sue, who has the superhuman ability to resist shouldering her children’s emotional burdens for them, we are truly impressed by all of your superpowers. Attaboy. Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended B

If you've got a high schooler who's starting the college process – and the part you're most dreading as a parent is drop-off day – you will probably identify with this "Best Of" Question of the Week: Hey ladies! A longtime listener here. How about an episode about Amy’s experience with her oldest off at college? I’m a mom who’s sending her first one away to school next year and my heart is already slowly breaking. Help! Good news: like a milestone birthday, the enormity of a kid leaving for college is way larger on the road ahead of you than it is in your rear-view mirror. It does cause great changes in your relationship with your child when they're not with you at the dinner table every night. The entire system really does transform when one family member is removed. But not all of the changes your family dynamic will undergo are bad. And if your teenager is giving you one-word answers while she's still at home, you may be surprised at how much she has to tell you once she's having these new experi

Sending a kid to college these days can cost well into the six figures, whether you're looking at state universities or small private colleges. There's merit aid to be had, but how does one find it? How much should you be saving if your kid is in kindergarten? And why have the costs of college skyrocketed? Ron Lieber is the “Your Money” columnist for The New York Times and the author of several books, including The Opposite of Spoiled. His latest bestseller, named one of the "Best Books of 2021" by NPR and just out in paperback, is THE PRICE YOU PAY FOR COLLEGE: An Entirely New Road Map for the Biggest Financial Decision Your Family Will Ever Make– a book about who pays what, and why, and how the whole system got so complicated... In this episode, Amy and Ron discuss: how the financial aid process is designed to confuse how early decision has changed the college application process, for better and worse how –and when– to talk to your kids honestly about what college will cost and what your fam

Toddler meltdowns, stroller mayhem, ear infections. Doesn't that sound so relaxing? In this listener-sourced episode, moms everywhere unleash frustration over the "monsters" who have made their vacations difficult - nay, impossible. Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh. BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at dermawand.com. Green Chef is the #1 meal kit for eating w

Each week Margaret or Amy answers a listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers listener Jessica's question: How do you get your kids to keep their rooms clean? What about a playroom? And is it reasonable to take away ALL the toys if they never stay cleaned up? As a parent of "three non-cleaners," Margaret shares the rules in her house that help keep it reasonably clean. Got a question you'd like answered? Email us: [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The dreaded question "When should my kid get a phone?" is one we're asked often. These days "whether" is not part of the equation, and the ages at which our kids' peers are getting phones seems younger than ever. Dr. Catherine Pearlman, author of the new book First Phone: A Child's Guide To Digital Responsibility, Safety, and Etiquette, is the founder of The Family Coach and a licensed clinical social worker who has been working with children and families for more than 25 years. First Phone– a book written not for parents, but for our kids– puts the risks and rewards of a phone in perspective for our children, and helps them consider what parameters they themselves might want to put on their phones and how they can use them wisely. In this episode, Catherine, Amy and Margaret discuss: What we often don't think about when we hand our kids their first phones [12:55] When kids should get their own social media accounts [17:55] How to teach kids about digital consent [31:00] Here's where you can find C

We are the protagonist in our own story, but what happens when we become the antagonist in stories we weren't even aware of? Or when we assign antagonist roles to unsuspecting partners or kids? Amy and Margaret discuss why we as humans need to tell ourselves stories, when the stories we tell ourselves might stop serving us, and how we can change the stories we tell ourselves. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: why our brains are willing to ignore what doesn't fit our preconceived narratives [7:00] the concept of cognitive mediation, which is how stories are created 20:19] "taking things less personally" and the better approach to avoid feeling wounded by others' stories [28:06] how to rediscover the agency we have over the stories we tell ourselves [38:15] Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode: Nick Wignall on Medium: "6 Reasons Why You Take Things Too Personally" "Cognitive Mediational Theory" in Alleydog.com's online glossary Esther Perel: How the Stories We Tell Ourse

When do you start letting kids have sleepovers? They're going to start asking long before they're really ready, and the sleep deprivation can ruin everyone's weekends. Amy talks about her own experience and gives some successful sleepover tips, including daytime sleepovers and phone-free sleepovers. Got a question you'd like answered? Email us! [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

JoAnn Crohn of No Guilt Mom is a parenting educator who helps moms feel confident in everything from raising empowered, self-sufficient kids to dropping the anxiety and guilt out of modern parenthood. No Guilt Mom offers self-paced digital courses in handling big emotions, getting kids to help out more, creating a morning routine, and conquering the homework drama. JoAnn is the co-host of the No Guilt Mom podcast, a former board-certified middle-school teacher, and a mom to 2 kids, ages 13 and 8. In this episode, Amy and JoAnn discuss: Why rewards charts taught as classroom strategies can often become counterproductive Why kids do well if they can [14:00] When rewards charts actually DO work [20:21] No Guilt Mom's HAPPY approach to parenting more effectively– while raising happier, more self-sufficient kids at the same time... [26:00] Here's where you can find JoAnn: @noguiltmom on FB/IG noguiltmom.com Here are the links to the podcast episodes Amy references: Fresh Take: Stacy Haynes on the Best Me

Following our wildly popular "Why Is This a Thing?" episode, we asked our listeners what ISN'T a thing, but should be. From sunblock sprayer tubes to wider checkout lines to all-in-one laundry machines, the Hellions delivered some million-dollar ideas that Amy and Margaret are very tempted to retire on. Special thanks to this month's sponsors: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh. BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Dermawand is a non-surgical, non-invasive way to achieve dramatically younger-looking skin. Get 20% off your order with code LAUGH20 at

Margaret answers this week's listener question: "My daughter (5 years old next month) has started saying “I look fat in this sweater”. My daughter is a healthy weight and she is VERY active. I am unsure of how to manage/navigate these comments. I really don’t want her to have body image issues or to be dealing with this at such a young age. I have been very conscious since her birth not to comment on her appearance, and instead to reinforce the things her body does. I rarely say “you look so pretty"; instead I say “that’s a great outfit you picked”. I didn’t think I would have to deal with this so soon. Help!" Almost all of us have struggled with eating and body issues at some point in our lives, and it is important for us as parents to reframe the way we talk about food and our bodies and to model body acceptance (put on that swimsuit and get in the picture!) It's also important to honestly answer the questions that are asked. Don't shy away from responding to kids who ask if they look fat. T

We've spent a lot of time over the past couple of years reassuring ourselves that our kids would be okay, that we were doing our best, that we'd get them through this, that there could even be silver linings. But it's important to take stock of the costs to our children, as well, because they were considerable. Today's guest, Anya Kamenetz is the author of several acclaimed books on learning and the future, including The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real Life, and The Test: Why Our Schools Are Obsessed With Standardized Testing, But You Don’t Have To Be. Her latest book is The Stolen Year: How Covid Changed Children's Lives, and Where We Go Now. In this episode, Anya, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why Anya says the United States got pandemic schooling "more wrong" than other wealthy countries How "years of neglect and bad faith" in public education contributed to what happened after our abrupt shift to remote schooling How we can create something better for the future

After several years of doing this podcast, we know a lot about each other. In this "Best Of" episode, we ask the burning questions that remain, like: If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Who is your celebrity crush? (warning: #oldilocksalert) What was your worst job ever? What do you want to be when you grow up? What would you grab in a fire? We also mention a few of our favorite books, all of which are available in our Bookshop store. Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase. AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh. BetterHelp matches you with a qualified therapist in under 48 hours, then you choose among video, phone, or even live chat sessions. G

This week Amy answers: "How do I get Grandma to stop plopping the kids in front of screens?" Amy discusses how to give kids limits without seeming like the bad guy, suggests alternative engaging (and contained) activities for kids, and gives tips for discussing discipline tactics with other caregivers in your family. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ericka Sóuter has over 20 years of journalism experience and is a regular contributor on Good Morning America and other national broadcast outlets. Ericka speaks to parents across the country about the issues, controversies, and trends most affecting families today. She's also the author of How to Have a Kid and Life: a Survival Guide. In this episode, Ericka and Margaret discuss: the greatest predictor of kids' socioemotional wellbeing [10:00] the six questions you should ask yourself every year [16:00] the "mom gene" [35:30] Here's where to find Ericka: @erickasouter on IG @erickasouter on Twitter @soundstrue on IG Order Erica's book here. Special thanks to this month's sponsors: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®,

It is often difficult and painful to break parenting patterns that were harmful to us as children. But as Amy and Margaret explain using their own experiences, verified studies, and some slightly cultish Goop material, pattern breaking is entirely possible and may not be as hard as we fear. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: Behaviors versus patterns Ways to notice and change our own patterns What it means to be morally neutral Links to resources mentioned in the episode: Karen Young for Hey Sigmund: Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Parenting – How to Silence Old Toxic Messages for Good "This Be The Verse" by Philip Larkin Robert Taibbi for Psychology Today: Breaking Old Patterns? Expect Psychological Withdrawal Goop Q&A with Liza Ingrasci, CEO of the Hoffman Institute Rough Draft by Katie Tur Join our Facebook group! (not a cult) Special thanks to this month's sponsors: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today

This week Margaret answers the question: I know Margaret has talked about giving in to Fortnite at her house. Well, I have too. My question is how do I discuss internet safety with my son (7) who wants to play online with his friends when I have no clue what playing online entails? I have never been a gamer and neither has my husband and I feel like we are flying blind. I don’t want to hold him back from socializing with friends, but I don’t want him to get into a bad situation either. Thank you guys! In this situation (especially at 7 years old) it's important to dial in and be involved in how your kid is playing. Make sure the gaming setup is in an area you (the parents) frequent. You don't need to know how to game to overhear inappropriate comments and keep an overall eye on how your gamer is behaving. Set strict expectations around your rules for gaming and outline the consequences if they are not followed, and have conversations around violence and language that your gamer may encounter. If you have

Jill Smokler became an authentic voice for millions of imperfect moms through her website Scary Mommy, which Jill launched in 2008. It began as a chronicle of Jill’s stay-at-home days with her children and transformed into a vibrant community of women brought together by a common theme — parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. Now Jill is back with a new chapter and a new podcast - She's Got Issues. Jill, Amy and Margaret talk about what it means for life to have different chapters and how we navigate those chapters (and changes) especially when they take us to unexpected places. Where to find Jill: She's Got Issues podcast IG: @shesgotissuesmedia Sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit w

In this crowd-sourced episode, the listeners in our Facebook group came up with some excruciating would-you-rathers for Amy and Margaret to answer. (Not surprisingly, Amy analyzes all the options while Margaret goes with her gut.) In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: What their kids' names REALLY are Rat backpacks The horror of perma-noisemakers Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh. Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective!

What happens when our grade schooler comes home with an invitation to go on a date? Amy talks about her own experience with her middle schooler dating, how to address the situation without overreacting, and how to contextualize young love in the grander scheme of things. If you have a question for Amy or Margaret ask away in our Facebook group! facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kate Mangino, PhD, is a gender expert and professional facilitator who has been working internationally for nearly 20 years. She is the author of the new book Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equity at Home, an informed guide about how readers can rewrite harmful gender norms and create greater household equity. Find out more about Kate at her website: https://www.katemangino.com Find Kate on Twitter: @ManginoKate Pre-order Kate's book here Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh. Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com wit

Every kid will experience some kind of rejection, and some will have an easier time of it than others. How do we validate our kids' feelings while giving them the tools to move through the pain of rejection? Links: Kid Friend Breakups Fresh Take with Taylor Harris Fresh Take with Lisa Heffernan How to Identify and Help a Socially Rejected Child What Should I Do When My Child Doesn't Make the Team? Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be by Frank Bruni Our merch store! Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off

This week, Margaret advises a listener who is worried that her 9-year-old does not seem to have a wide enough range of interests. Is there anything she can do to help him expand his interests beyond screens, half-hearted participation in Scouts, and basically chilling out most of the day? Submit your questions to: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gloria Riviera is the host of the podcast "No One is Coming to Save Us" from Lemonada Media, which covers America’s childcare crisis and the people of all ages who are crushed by it. Gloria spent over twenty years as an ABC News producer and correspondent covering breaking, investigative and feature stories around the world for shows including Good Morning America, World News Tonight, and Nightline. She shares with us why and how the childcare system in America is broken and what exactly we can do about it, both as individuals and on a larger scale. In this episode, Gloria, Amy, and Margaret discuss: how sexism and racism fuel the childcare crisis how the recent baby formula shortage fits into the picture what lasting childcare reform looks like Follow Gloria on Twitter: @griviera and find "No One is Coming to Save Us" in your podcast app! Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today t

We asked the listeners to tell us their extremely minor annoyances of motherhood-- the smaller and more seemingly inconsequential, the better, because it turns out those are things that really make us loco. From soggy bath toys, to pushing swings, to the toddler who spins around and offers the wrong arm to be put into the held-up coat sleeve, here are many of the teeny-tiny things that drive moms insane. Join the fun on our Facebook page! Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning rewards with every diaper & wipes purchase.  AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh. Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with th

Flying with little ones this summer? It's always a little extra complicated. Listener Diane asked: "My husband and I are flying from Philadelphia to Texas. My kids have never flown before. Any advice for air travel with little kids?" Amy says the two keys to successful flights with little ones are preparation and options, and in this episode she explains: how to know for sure what your kid will watch before you get on the plane why you might actually want to be the LAST ones on the plane (not the first) and why you can never have too many Ziploc bags. Resources mentioned in this episode: From Common Sense Media: "Best Kids' Apps to Download Before a Flight" Wiki Stix Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kate Casey is the host of Reality Life with Kate Casey, one of the highest-rated podcasts devoted to unscripted television. Three times a week she interviews talent, directors, producers, and hosts of television’s most popular reality shows, docuseries, and documentaries. Kate talks with Margaret about raising five kids, her favorite reality shows, and why true crime is the thing that makes us tick.  Here's where you can find Kate: Facebook group: Reality Life with Kate Casey IG: @katecaseyc Tik Tok: Itskatecasey Twitter: @katecasey Patreon: Patreon.com/katecasey Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: AprilAire is Healthy Air, with professional-grade solutions filling millions of homes. To find out more about the AprilAire Healthy Air System®, visit www.aprilaire.com/fresh. Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH. BetterHelp online therapy is affor

When you're locked in a battle of tug-o-war it can be extremely exhausting to keep up the fight. But there is a solution: dropping the rope. It may seem counterintuitive, but when you're in the middle of a conflict you've had many times before– when you're fighting for something that seems very important, or at least obvious– and then suddenly drop the rope, you're allowing the space for something different to occur. Here are the links to the resources we mentioned in the episode: Jen Lumanlan for Your Parenting Mojo: "Want to stop playing Tug of War with your child?" Our Fresh Take with Dr. Jill Stoddard on How to Manage Our Anxiety Our bookshop! Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do n

Our listener Jenny says: "My husband and I love your podcast, and I listen to every episode while I make dinner. He hates clutter and especially the annoying plastic toys that family always seems to be giving our 15-month-old. How do we get family members to stop giving us cheap plastic annoying toys every time they see our kid? We'd love to instill a present policy that involves them putting the money they would have spent into a savings fund for him... but just aren't sure how to stop the random, every-time-we-see-them gifts." While the idea of letting more plastic into your home may seem like a nightmare, it's not necessarily a good idea to insert your values into other people's gift giving philosophies, as Margaret explains. It's certainly within your right to express a preference for your child. Here's how to do it nicely. Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress

Amber Briggle and her family live in Texas. Amber is the mom of two kids, Max and Lulu, and on her website "Love To The Max," Amber shares the family's real stories and experiences as a trans-inclusive family. Amber describes herself as "just a mom," but the events of the last few years have made her a powerful advocate for the rights of kids and families like her own. She was a founding member (and former national co-chair) of the “Parents for Transgender Equality Council”, part of the Human Rights Campaign. Amber currently serves as the “Equal Opportunity Issue” Chair for the League of Women Voters of Texas. In this moving and illuminating episode, Amber talks about her experience parenting her transgender son and the breadth of emotions and experiences that come with it. In this episode, Amber, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Amber's son Max's transition journey The best ways to support trans kids The anti-trans legislation currently in effect and under consideration in the U.S. NOTE: Since we r

We asked the moms in our Facebook group about times they caught their spouses being awesome. Maybe it's supporting us in our difficult career choices. Maybe it's reading books on certain issues to do with our kids. Maybe it's brushing hair. (But don't get Amy started on that last one!) In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: Being good vs. being awesome Subverting gender roles in the home Qualities you wish for in a boyfriend vs. in a husband Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode: "Flying the Coop" episode from Reply All podcast (Margaret's rec) Our Fresh Take episode with Matthew Fray on Strengthening Our Relationships The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children, by Ross Greene Check out our merch! Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first mon

Do you need a reset around the yelling in your house– namely, your own? Are certain times (bathtime, homework time, putting screens away time) a consistent battle? Amy's best tip to tame the yelling comes from something she heard from a dog trainer! "Never repeat a cue twice" is one of the basic tenets of dog training. If you tell a dog to "sit" but eventually that becomes "Sit. Sit.... Sit!... SIT!!" your dog will eventually sit, once you seem upset enough, but what you will be inadvertently training your dog to do is to wait for the fourth time that command is repeated before complying. In this "Ask Amy," Amy explains how performing a reset using this tenet– stop repeating what you're asking more than once, i.e. until you yell– can yield surprising results, and reads a listener email from a mom of a rambunctious 2-year-old who is "in shock" at how well this has worked in her house! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week's guest, Dr. Ibram X. Kendi, is the author of many highly acclaimed books including Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America, which won the National Book Award for Nonfiction. In 2020, Time magazine named Dr. Kendi one of the 100 most influential people in the world. Dr. Kendi was awarded a 2021 MacArthur Fellowship, popularly known as the Genius Grant. His new book, released just this week, is How To Raise An Antiracist. In this interview, Dr. Kendi explains: why caregivers cannot protect young people from racism by ignoring what’s happening to our children why teaching antiracism is the best way to protect our children from racism's harms why children have an easier time understanding these ideas than we might think how putting off conversations about race, or giving kids the message that racism is unmentionable, can make our children prey to more sinister messaging It is never too early, or too late, to start raising our kids to be antiracist. Get How

From how to eat a Reese's peanut butter cup, to *not* saving the pandas, to the forever-ban of helium balloons, our listeners are willing to die on some pretty tiny hills. Here's what mountains you all are making out of mole hills– plus a few of our own tiny battles. Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers. Faherty is a family-run brand making high-quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. Head to fahertybrand.com/FRESH and use the code FRESH to snag 20% off. Firstleaf is a no-brainer if you love finding and tasting new wine! Join today and you’ll get 6 bottles of wine for $29.95 and free shippi

We've talked a lot about picky eating on the podcast but if you're looking less for advice and more for 'how does it all turn out?' then this is the episode for you! This week Kristina asks, "I was listening to an episode where Margaret described her extremly picky son and the anxiety she felt. She was basically describing my daughter. That episode is from 2016 so I'm curious does anyone know if he's expanded his diet or does anyone have any uplifting stories about extremely picky kids who improve over time? Honestly I'd be happy if she's just having less anxiety at the table - not looking for advice because I've read everything!" This week Margaret offers an update on how her picky son is eating 5 years later - and the answers may surprise you! Check out other WFH episodes on picky eating here: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/your-picky-eater/ https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/ask-amy-my-kid-gags-at-foods-he-used-to-like/ https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/is-this-battle-worth-fighting/ https://www

Kate Swenson is a mom to four kids, a wife, and a proud Minnesotan. She regularly writes and creates videos about her life as a mother and an autism advocate for her website "Finding Cooper's Voice," a living, thriving community of people who not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Kate's book Forever Boy: A Mother's Memoir of Autism and Finding Joy is out now. Kate is also the founder of the nonprofit The More Than Project, which supports the needs of special needs families that go beyond the needs of their special needs child. In this episode we discuss Kate's journey to finding the correct diagnosis for her child what led her to put her story out into the world the sometimes-loneliness of special needs parenting, and how the Finding Cooper's Voice community offers insight, support, and fellowship Get FOREVER BOY in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780778311997 and follow @findingcoopersvoice on Facebook

Gloria DeGaetano, parenting expert and founder of the Parent Coaching Institute, recently wrote: "There's almost not a word to express the stress parents are under right now. 'Overwhelmed' doesn't cut it. It's beyond anything we've ever experienced." War in Ukraine. Shootings in grade schools. Inflation rates way up. Covid rates way up. This really is a strange and scary moment for all of us, and parenting through our own anxiety is proving a special challenge. In this episode we discuss how to parent bravely– which doesn't mean parenting in denial, but does mean creating emotional safety for our families even when we don't have all the answers. If you found this episode helpful, check out these past episodes as well: Fresh Take: Christina Hillsberg on How Being a Spy Prepared Her For Parenting Helping Kids Feel Secure In a Scary World (With Guest Dr. Abigail Gewirtz) Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: The Daily: Another Elementary School Massacre Dan Si

A listener wrote: I am in a mom funk. I always wanted to be a mom, but I underestimated the amount of work and sacrifice it takes to be a mom. I’m exhausted. I feel like I never get a chance to catch my breath and be ready to be a mom the next morning when my kids wake up, and I spend most of the day with my kids just trying to make it to bedtime. My kids are seven and four, and I really thought that parenting would have gotten easier by now... but I feel just as burned out and depleted as when they were toddlers, perhaps even more now that they both talk (non-stop) and have so many opinions about everything. Not to mention the endless tantrums and meltdowns which I thought would have ended at least two years ago. My husband works long hours and I’m solo-parenting 90% of the time. When my husband is home he needs to sleep and wants to relax and has so little time to be with the kids, let alone actually help with any house work. How do I get through this and still be a good mom at the same time? Being a p

Dr. Lynyetta Willis is a psychologist and family empowerment coach who helps smart, successful women (and their families) stop the unhelpful patterns that keep them stuck, so they can create more joy in their parenting or partnerships. In this "Best Of" re-release, Dr. Willis tells us what it means to live in "stable misery." We discuss her framework for changing those patterns and finding more joy and harmony in our lives as partners and as parents. You will love this joyful, insightful interview! Here are links to some of Dr. Willis's programs that we discuss in this episode. Find out more at drlwillis.com Trigger Score Quiz Partnership Gameplan PATHS Framework Infographic Special thanks to our sponsors for this month: Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh. Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates

"Mom rage" is a thing, and it feels shameful because it feels so far from where we are supposed to be as mothers and as women. Writer Anne Lamott called it "a closely guarded secret, as if the myth of maternal bliss is so sacrosanct that we can't even admit these feelings to ourselves." But it's more universal than we admit, and its triggers more predictable. There are also practical ways we can all recognize it sooner when it might be building within ourselves. In this episode, we discuss: how a "sequence of provocations" can dramatically increase anger why lack of sleep is a major cause of mom rage things that work to lengthen our fuses If you found this episode useful, here are some other episodes of ours you might listen to next: Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg Tells Us How To Stop Losing It With Our Kids (May 2021) Sometimes We Lose It (Dec 2018) Yelling Less (May 2017) Here are links to some of the resources we mentioned in the episode: @momuninterrupted on Instagram: "Nighttime Parenting" Anne Lamott

This episode was first recorded in July 2021, before the recent mass shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde, not to mention the ongoing horrors of war in Ukraine. We hope it might be useful for a relisten right now, as many of us struggle with what to tell our kids, how much, and when. If we don't give the kids any context, some older kid in the cafeteria might become their primary source of (mis)information. We discuss what age is old enough for difficult topics, what to do when the story is close to home, and how we can always lead with reassurance– plus the best ways to consume the news with, and in front of, our kids. GoFundMe has established an online hub of verified fundraisers supporting victims and loved ones affected by the shooting in Uvalde, Texas, which you can find here. Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Paul Underwood for NYT: Is the News Too Scary for Kids? NPR Parenting: What To Say To Kids When the News Is Scary Liz Gumbinner: No, I Don't Know

What makes us introverts or extroverts– and why do so many of us choose our total opposites for our parenting partners? In this episode we talk about the myths of introverts and extroverts, why opposites attract, and how to parent kids who are also your total opposites. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: The ways that introverts and extroverts solve problems How they navigate being the opposite of their partners How to advocate for your kids depending on their social orientation Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Natalie Arroyo Camacho for Well & Good: "3 Obstacles To Expect From an Introvert-Extrovert Relationship—Plus Whether It Can Work at All" Rodney B. Lawn et al: "Quiet Flourishing: The Authenticity and Well-Being of Trait Introverts Living in the West Depends on Extraversion-Deficit Beliefs" Healthline: "Are You an Extrovert? Here’s How to Tell" R. L. LaFevers for Wired: Tips For Introverted Parents Raising Extroverted Kids R. L. LaFevers for Wir

A listener posted this on our Facebook page: What is up with my 5-year-old? All of a sudden she is talking back, yelling at the top of her lungs, not listening, kicking and screaming, throwing tantrums, throwing things at me, and giving me teenager vibes. (I do not allow any of this behavior in my house.) I’m at a loss for what to do. Is this boundary-seeking behavior? Is something happening at school? Is it because I’m working more? Is it a phase? We’ve been sending her to her room to chill out because no one wants to hang with a banshee, but she screams and screams while throwing her stuff everywhere and kicking the walls. She goes immediately into red brain and it’s a 30 minute process for her to calm down and talk to me. Really excited to spend summer break with an insane asylum escapee. It’s starting to rub off on the 2 year old. If you find yourself saying "What is wrong with this kid?" it's always good to pause and ask if there is actually something wrong. Kids who are having headaches or s

Matthew Fray is a relationship coach who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes that he did. He's a 43-year-old single father who is best known for his viral blog post "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink." Fray is the author of the new book "This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships." Matthew gives us wonderful, poignant insights into how to validate our partners, find out their true needs, and re-establish trust when we've lost it. In this episode, Matthew, Margaret, and Amy discuss: Why we may not realize we're betraying our partner's trust Matthew's hierarchy of needs in relationships Why couples always have the same fight Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Maslow's hierarchy of needs Matthew's recent article in The Atlantic Our episode with Eve Rodsky on changing the invisible workload Here's where you can find Matthew: matthewfray.com Buy Matthew's book FB: @matthewfrayM

We asked you, our listeners, what unwelcome surprises you've experienced in your parenting journey, and boy, did you deliver! From bodily functions to keeping kids' clothes on to teaching them how to sit in a chair for the hundredth time, we collectively wonder how the human race has survived so long--and whether or not ants have lungs. Here are links to the WFH episodes we mentioned: Why Are Our Kids Such Total Opposites? Fresh Take: Taylor Harris on Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown When To Be 'That Mom' Here's the link to the original FB thread for this episode Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.  Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the c

One of our listeners asked: How do you navigate responding to family members who demand hugs and kisses from kids? My husband’s family is full of huggy-kissy people. When leaving after a visit, my in-laws lay it on hard with their requests (which feel more like demands) for my 3-year-old to give them a goodbye hug and kiss. Sometimes she doesn't want to, and if she doesn't want to, I don’t force her. But she gets a lot of pressure from the grandparents expecting the physical affection. I want my children to feel comfortable but don’t know how to get all family members on board without hurt feelings. Margaret discusses how to make a plan for saying goodbye to friends and family that works for your child and doesn't invoke too much objection or conflict from the other party. Here are the links to the resources Margaret mentions in the episode: Meghan Holohan for Today: "Why experts say you shouldn't make your kids kiss relatives at Thanksgiving" Don't Hug Doug by Carrie Finison Learn more about your ad c

Anxiety expert Lynn Lyons and co-host Robin Hutson created the podcast FLUSTERCLUX to help anxious kids and anxious families, which are usually one and the same. Lynn Lyons has trained hundreds of teachers, school nurses, counselors and parents about managing anxiety. In this episode, Lynn, Robin, and Amy discuss: Why reassurance doesn't always placate kids' anxieties Why anxiety craves certainty– and how we can unwittingly "do the disorder" in trying to reassure anxious kids How to model moving through uncertainty for our kids How perfectionism feeds anxiety in kids Here's where you can find Robin and Lynn: flusterclux.com @flusterclux on FB and Instagram Lynn Lyons' book The Anxiety Audit is available for preorder now "Flusterclux" podcast Finding Joy Inside and Out Family Retreat Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplie

As Margaret and Amy both deal with Covid in their households, they wonder how they ever thought it was over and when the "new normal" will feel truly normal, if ever. They give both optimistic and realistic assessments of the future as they try to imagine one that's forever changed, but also better than before. And they both agree that you should cheer on everyone who is running the New York City Marathon, whether they're your sister, a cop, or a ballerina. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: Moments they each thought "Covid was ovah" The third quarter phenomenon Mourning things they've missed due to Covid Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Brandon Ambrosino for BBC: "Why it will be so hard to return to ‘normal’" Dan Sinker for Esquire: "If We're Back to 'Normal,' Why Am I Still So Exhausted All the Time?" Debra Caplan's thread on Twitter Kate Bowler's book No Cure for Being Human, Margaret's rec Nathan Smith and Gro Mjeldheim Sandal: "The third-quarter phenome

A listener asks: I had my first child (and only child, so far) 18 months ago. It was a really rough experience for me and my husband: traumatic birth, intense breastfeeding struggles, very colicky baby that really did not sleep much, no support due to COVID, and I had PPD. My husband and I are really only just starting to feel sort of okay again in the last few months. Here's my issue. Within the last six months several of my friends have had their first babies. None of them are having even close to the intense/terrible experience that my husband and I did. Intellectually, I am happy about this because I love my friends, and I don't wish bad things on them! However, emotionally I seem to be struggling with watching all of them sail through (relatively speaking) something that was 100% the hardest, darkest time of my life. When I hear/see them having such an easy time I sometimes feel angry, or even like I want to cry. I hate feeling this way, and it makes me feel like a bad person/terrible friend. Has any

KC Davis is the creator of the mental health platform Struggle Care, where she shares a revolutionary approach to self and home care for those dealing with mental health, physical illness, and hard seasons of life. She is a licensed professional therapist, author, speaker, and advocate for mental health and recovery. Her new book is How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing. Does just glancing in your messy playroom make you want to lie down and nap? We all get overwhelmed when we see our chaotic houses as endless "to-clean" lists that we never complete. KC Davis has simple and easy-to-implement strategies for making cleaning up functional--and giving you small wins along the way that really count. In this episode, KC, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How to take a new perspective on cleaning The five different categories of things in any given mess How to involve kids in cleaning house without tears (theirs OR yours) Here's where you can find KC: https://www.struggleca

This week we're revisiting one of our all-time favorite episodes, in which we review listener grudges, large and small, and deciding once and for all if those listeners should let it go, or no. Letting it go doesn't mean you're wrong to be annoyed. Sometimes you are totally right and you STILL have to let it go. And sometimes nursing a tiny bonsai grievance for a decade is sort of fun... but that works better when you aren't related to that person. Sometimes shifting our perspective is the best choice we have. As Margaret's Aunt Terry likes to say: you can't get pizza from a Chinese restaurant. Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.  Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorga

Iris Chen was raised in the "tiger parenting" model, and began her parenting journey using similarly authoritarian and strict tactics– until she considered whether there might be another path, an approach to parenting that was rooted in partnership rather than in power. So Iris founded the "Untigering" movement, exploring a more peaceful parenting approach, and wrote the book "Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent." In this episode, Margaret, Amy, and Iris discuss: Navigating parenting at the intersection of American and Chinese identities The turning point for Iris when she decided to "untiger" How we all can practice peaceful parenting in our daily lives Find Iris on social media @untigering and at https://untigering.com/. Buy her UNTIGERING book here! Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh wi

In this bonus episode, Amy and Margaret discuss what they read, watch, and listen to between recording episodes of "What Fresh Hell." It involves stuffy upper class drawing rooms, brushes with death, and being "22." What We're Watching "The Thing About Pam" on Peacock Michael Clayton "Bridgerton" on Netflix "Dopesick" on Hulu "Sanditon" on PBS Masterpiece (Erica's pick!) "Gilded Age" on HBO (Sarah's pick!) Les Miserables (2012) "Station 11" on HBO Engaged to a Psycho (2020) on Lifetime What We're Reading: View Amy's reading list here. View Margaret's reading list here. I am I am I am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by Maggie O'Farrell The Deep Places: A Memoir of Illness and Discovery by Ross Douthat Colleen Hoover's books In Her Boots by KJ Dell'Antonia The Chicken Sisters by KJ Dell'Antonia Blueprint for a Book by Jennie Nash The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness by Meghan O'Rourke "The Stolen Kids of Sara Lawrence" by Ezra Marcus and James D. Walsh The complete works

Who makes the parenting rules? And how bendable are they? From picky eaters to sleep routines to playing outside, we all have to navigate the line between what we supposedly should and shouldn't allow as parents. But sometimes it's okay to break the rules if it works for you and your family. Amy and Margaret dive into the details in this listener-driven episode. In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss: the different types of parenting rules which parenting rules they have broken "YOYO" dinners Other episodes we mention: Amee Severson on Intuitive Eating Ask Amy: Helping Kids Deal with Comparison and Envy  Christina Martin on How Children Learn Through Play Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy

The discomfort and distress of a child experiencing separation anxiety can be hard to hear. The best responses are consistency and a heavy dose of reassurance. A listener recently posted in our Facebook group: My just-turned-4 year old has started experiencing separation anxiety both when going to preschool and when staying home with our regular babysitter . (My husband and I both work from home and I don’t know if it’s worse for her to know we are there.) On school days she says she feels like she’s going to throw up, then they call us to come get her. On days we are working from home, we end up having the sitter leave because she is sobbing uncontrollably. Another factor: she has two older siblings. When they are also home, she is not anxious about their all being left with a sitter. I did not experience separation anxiety with my older two kids at this age. We are trying to be compassionate and reassuring but we also need to work during the times she is in care, so we need to fix this soon. I need

Mary Laura Philpott is the author of the national bestseller I MISS YOU WHEN I BLINK, and the brand-new memoir BOMB SHELTER: LOVE, TIME, AND OTHER EXPLOSIVES, which is out now. You can also find her writing in publications including the Atlantic, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and Real Simple. Mary Laura's moving memoir touches on why parenting is a paradox, her own experiences as a parent navigating the unknown, and what it means to be an "anxious optimist." In this episode, Amy, Margaret, and Mary discuss: Just who the turtle on the cover of Mary's book is Where the title "Bomb Shelter" originated from Why we feel the need to "follow the rules" of the universe in exchange for leniency Here's where you can find Mary on the web: www.marylauraphilpott.com Instagram: @marylauraphilpott Twitter: @MaryLauraPh Order Mary's new book Bomb Shelter here Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep

Why does it feel like I do all the work around here? Why can't my partner take on a little more? Why does a dad get to go on Good Morning America for DOING HIS DAUGHTER'S HAIR TWICE A WEEK?? There is evidence (statistical evidence, not just tears and bloodshed evidence) that having kids reduces marital harmony. And for a woman, the birth of a child often means taking on a second shift while her partner's routine may barely be interrupted. So how can we communicate with our partners to find labor divisions that work for everyone? In this episode, Margaret and Amy discuss: What the science says about relationships post-children Signs that a partnership is operating unsustainably Tips for how to start the conversation about dividing up parenting responsibilities Episodes we mentioned: Making It Work for the Long Haul (with Belinda Luscombe) episode Parenting as a Team episode The Infamous "Husband Crimes" episode Resources mentioned in the episode: What Happens to a Marriage After Having Children? Fightin

A listener posted on our Facebook page: "I’m wondering if any other moms on here have been diagnosed with breast cancer? I was just diagnosed and am terrified. I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday to get more information, but I am just looking for advice from someone who has been there on how to discuss this with my kids." Margaret talks about her own experience with her mother's breast cancer diagnosis when she was young and offers some helpful research on this difficult topic. Here are the links to the resources mentioned in the episode. The Reach to Recovery program Some suggested children's books about understanding cancer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anxiety is a natural response to stress. Sometimes it’s even useful, like when it alerts us to danger. But when anxiety grips our children, they often don’t (can’t) explain how they’re feeling, and their inner turmoil can take over. In this episode we discuss: coping strategies for all ages and stages how anxiety in children can be easy to miss the negative behaviors anxious kids might exhibit  why letting our kids avoid anxiety-causing situations is counterproductive how anxiety "lives in the future” We also interview Dr. Lisa Damour about her book Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. Dr. Damour’s book is full of empathetic insight and useful takeaways for helping our anxious daughters (and sons). Here’s links to other research and writing discussed in this episode: Lindsay Holmes for Huffington Post Life: 10 Things People Get Wrong About Anxiety  Liz Matheis for anxiety.org: Identifying Signs of Anxiety in Children CDC: Data and Statistics on Child

When we imagine peer pressure, we imagine coming to the rescue by slapping drugs and alcohol out of our kids' hands after their friends undoubtedly tell them they should definitely try some. But peer pressure--who feels it, why, and exactly WHAT kids are being pressured to do--is a complex issue. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: The biological imperative adolescents have to take risks in front of their peers What kids report actually feeling peer pressured to do- the answers aren't what expected How to actually prepare our kids to counter the peer pressure they face Here are links to past episodes with similar topics: "When Other Kids Are Bad Influences" "What Is Up With Teenagers?" Here are links to resources mentioned in this episode: Juliana Menasce Horowitz and Nikki Graf for the Pew Research Center: "Most U.S. Teens See Anxiety and Depression as a Major Problem Among Their Peers" Centerstone.org: "What is Peer Pressure and Who is at Risk?" Science Daily: "Peer pressure? It's hardwired i

Ever have a kid with a long face in the back seat at school pickup because they were NOT chosen as "Student of the Week"? A listener emailed us to ask: How do you help your kid work through comparison and envy? My child is in 3rd grade and experiencing many emotions around "unfairness" and jealousy. Not so much about material things, like "this kid has X and I don't." More like "this kid is the teacher's pet and gets (or appears to get) special privileges that I don't." No surprise, my child is an aspiring teacher's pet, but doesn't perceive that they're getting the same attention and/or opportunities. I don't think it's something I should address at school. It's not that anyone is doing something wrong. More of a "life isn't always fair" lesson that's creating big 3rd-grade emotions. We can't smooth every negative emotion from our children's experiences, and we shouldn't even try. If our kids have to move through the very human emotions of jealousy and frustration, they'll develop the resilience that we w

Britt Hawthorne is a mother, teacher, author, and anti-bias/antiracist facilitator. She partners with caregivers, educators, and families to raise the next generation of antiracist children. Her forthcoming book, Raising Antiracist Children: A Practical Parenting Guide, is for families ready to take action that'll bring change at home.  In this episode, we discuss: What becoming 'antiracist' really means Honoring your own entry point into antiracist work How to frame antiracist work as a journey of curiosity and engagement Here's where you can find Britt: Purchase Britt's book www.britthawthorne.com @britthawthorne on IG  @britthawthorne_ on Twitter  Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can

In this listener-driven episode, we release a collective primal mom scream--from prairie dresses (no one looks good in them!) to thank you cards (I'm going to immediately throw it away) to school theme days (dress like your favorite endangered species???), there are plenty of things moms feel should be done away with for good. This week, you'll find you're not alone in your desire to get rid of the things that just should NOT be things. In this episode, Amy and Margaret hear from listeners who are fed up with: Crop tops for children Summer camp signups Dinosaurs ...and so many more! Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com/fresh with the code FRESH. Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fr

Bedtime can be smooth sailing or a waking nightmare, depending on the day. If you've ever experienced "bedtime creep" you will identify with this question for our Facebook group: How do you enforce bedtime? We have unwittingly slipped from 8pm to 9, 9:25 even, 9:45 pm. My 4-year-old often sees 10 pm! My 2-year-old had such an easy 8 pm bedtime until a few months ago. Now there are two tiny tots running my kitchen til well after when I want to be asleep myself (did I mention I am six months pregnant with number three?). Most nights I give up and leave my husband to fend for himself. Even so, when he gives up on the 4-year-old, she usually joins me in bed. I never see my husband anymore, and I'm completely tapped out by 4 pm since I know there is literally no end in sight. Do I just lock them in their respective rooms and let them cry until they throw up? I am seriously so over this!  In this episode Margaret advises: Set a time you want to hear from your kids for the last time and work backwards Establish t

Cat and Nat have been friends since they were teenagers, but grew closer after becoming parents and confiding in each other about the more taboo topics of parenting. Once they decided to bring their hilarious conversations online, they became the hilarious women we all know as Cat and Nat. Cat and Nat host the "Mom Truths" podcast. Their videos have millions of views on YouTube, Facebook, and everywhere else; and their new book is Cat and Nat's Mom Secrets: Coffee-Fueled Confessions from the Mom Trenches. In this episode, Cat and Nat share: How their true friendship developed and how it has helped them inspire millions of other moms What we can all learn from the mom confessions they've heard out on tour What they would tell their younger selves about what motherhood is really like Find Cat and Nat online @catandnat and on TikTok @catandnatofficial Special thanks to this month’s sponsors: Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep qualit

We’ve all witnessed other people's children behaving as if they were king or queen of the hill. Sometimes it's even our own kids who are behaving abominably at Applebee's. But what exactly makes a kid "spoiled"? Conversely, what’s the opposite of spoiled, and how do we raise those kids? We unpack this loaded term in this week’s episode and talk about how our own experiences have shaped our opinions. In this episode, we discuss: ·      The history of the term “spoiled child” ·      Why spoiled children act out... and why it's usually in public ·      Boundary-seeking behavior and how to address it Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Livia Gershon for JStor Daily: The Spoiled Child is Not a Modern Invention Jill Suttie for Greater Good Magazine: Taking on the Myth of the Spoiled Child Patrick A. Coleman for Fatherly: Americans Fear Raising Spoiled Children and Do It Anyway Rodolfo Mendoza-Denton for Greater Good Magazine: How to Pass the Marshmallow T

At some point most kids will deal with a bully. But what happens when the bully is your kid's former friend? A listener wrote in to ask: At what point, if ever, do I attempt to help my eight-year-old kid with a conflict he is having with another boy in our neighborhood? The other boy's a year older and they've known each other since they were toddlers. They don't go to the same school, so they don't spend as much time together recently. But when they play outside they've always seemed to be on good terms. Now they're in a group together at camp, and my son says this boy is telling him things like “You aren't my friend anymore. You've never been my friend. And I hate you.” I realize I'm only getting one side of the story. I've asked what led to this and my son can't or won't tell me. He came home early from camp today because the leader called and said he was crying to leave. When I got him home, my son told me this behavior happened again, and that's what made him want to come home. I'm friendly with

This week we're talking with Bobbi Rebell, author of the new book Launching Financial Grownups: Live Your Richest Life by Helping Your (Almost) Adult Kids Become Everyday Money Smart.  Bobbi is also the host of the "Money Tips for Financial Grownups" podcast. Money can be a difficult subject to broach with kids for a number of reasons. So how do we break the ice? And what is different about our children's relationship with money in the digital age than ours was when we were kids? There are actually ways to make conversations about money more fun and engaging than rigid and boring. (And no, you don't have to look up influencers or NFTs to be able to talk to your kid about financial topics that will interest them!) In this episode, Bobbi shows us how to: Engage our kids about money without talking down to them Tailor different financial conversations to different ages Use allowances to encourage financial freedom rather than maintain financial control Follow Bobbi on Social Media: https://www.bobbirebell

“God never gives you more than you can handle.” “Look on the bright side.” “It could be worse.” These are platitudes we’ve all heard and we all know are (to say the least) less than helpful. So why do so many of us feel a need to put a good spin on things when disaster strikes, and how do we break out of that habit? We talk about our own experiences with toxic positivity, what we’ve learned from them, and what we’re still working on. In this episode, we discuss: ·      How overvaluing positives functions as a survival mechanism ·      Why toxic positivity actually makes us less happy ·      How to counter toxic positivity and how to stay graceful towards people who offer us outlooks we may not want or need Here are links to some of the articles we discuss in this episode: Brock Bastian and Ashley Humphrey for The Conversation: “How to avoid ‘toxic positivity’ and take the less direct route to happiness” Allyson Chiu for The Washington Post : Time to ditch ‘tox

Water + soap + wriggly bodies = a giant puddle on the bathroom floor! And that's when the kids LIKE taking baths. What if they absolutely dread it? This this week's question comes from Lauren on our Facebook page: Tips for a 4 year old who legit PANICS about getting his hair washed. How can we make this better? At this point we are washing his hair like once a month because it’s so bad. It seems like he will randomly be somewhat ok with it, but 99% of the time he panic-screams and it’s really sad. I have a dry wash cloth so that he can keep the water out of his face, and I try to have him too his head back so the water won’t get in his face, but he still flips out. My husband thinks that we need to wash his hair MORE frequently - like every other day - so that it doesn’t seem like such an unusual event and will become part of his routine. Thoughts? When you've got a kid who hates bath time it's time to put on your detective hat. What is it about the bath that your kid is reacting to? The smell of th

Abby Medcalf is the author of the #1 Amazon best-seller, “Be Happily Married, Even if Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing,” and the host of the “Relationships Made Easy” Podcast. She talks in this Fresh Take about how competition mindsets damage relationships and what couples can do instead to be successful partners and co-parents. In this episode , Abby explains: What it really means for your partner to 'take something off your plate' Why grading your spouse on a pass/fail basis may not be the best approach How treating your partnership like a business can help marital communication Here are some of the resources from Abby's website that she mentions in this episode: One big reason why keeping score sets you both up to lose in the relationship 4 ways keeping score in your relationship is setting you up to lose How competition stops you from listening and forming connection Follow Abby on social media: https://abbymedcalf.com/ IG: @abbymedcalfthriving FB: @abbymedcalf Twitter: @AbbyThriving #r

"My kid says she's dating someone, and she's 9!" Before you send in the cavalry, take a second to learn about all of the different ways kids express affection for one another and how to talk to them about it. We may want to learn the income, prospects, and favorite color of the crush in question, but sometimes it really is okay for kids to have secrets and feel independent in that regard. In this episode, we discuss: How to talk to your kid respectfully about their crushes How to spot signs that your kid has a crush/is dating What "dating" means at different ages Here are some links to the resources we discuss in this episode: Adrienne Wichard-Edds for the Washington Post: Why You Should Permit and Encourage Your Teen to Date Dian Cheney for Good Housekeeping: So Your Teen is Dating--Now What? Bonnie J. Rough for the New York Times: The Value of Childhood Crushes Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30

Here at What Fresh Hell we say there's no reason for anyone to comment on another person's size in a conversational setting. Ever. Including women who are (or who might appear) pregnant, and also including babies and kids who might appear either small or big for their chronological age. The latter is a course correction a lot of us might need to consider. What's the harm in saying a sweet little girl is teensy-tiny? Well, read the question of the week: My daughter is five, but the size of a three-year-old. She's teeny-tiny. How do you deal with other adults' comments about your child’s size? It’s infuriating to me that adults cannot stop making comments, from taxi drivers to her classmates' parents. It’s never other kids, at least not yet. I usually just acknowledge how old she is and try to shut down the conversation, but I’d love a really good comeback to make them realize that commenting on children’s bodies is never a good idea! Something else to note: I actually am concerned about her size, an

Sara Dean is the host of The Shameless Mom Academy podcast, which inspires women and moms to live bigger, bolder, and braver #everydamnday. In this episode, we discuss how to turn our struggles into strengths why self-care is a basic human need how to "play bigger" and be a leader in your life, even when you are home with kids Connect with Sara at www.shamelessmom.com in her Facebook Group: www.shamelessmom.com/facebook and on Instagram: www.instagram.com/shamelessmomacademy Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING. Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box! Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Is it rational to still be mad about that time in second grade when the kid right in front of you took the last sprinkles at the ice cream social? Is it reasonable to think just a little less of your childhood friend for serving Chex Mix at his wedding? Ours is not to reason why. This episode isn't here to tell you whether you all should be maintaining these grudges so carefully. It's here to hold space for them all. Stay angry, Hellions! Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their dress yoga pants, and we love ours! Get 30% off your first order when you go to Betabrand.com/LAUGHING. Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box! Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts! flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pac

Listeners have been discussing their trips to Disney World on the What Fresh Hell Facebook Group, and Jillian posed this question: "I’d love to hear a Disney episode: if you’ve been, if you are Disney people who go frequently, or are you a one and done type or a 'that’s a hard no' type?" Good timing! Margaret recently took her family for their "one and done" trip to Disney World. The biggest takeaway? Save early and save often for your Disney trip. Disney is one of those places where the more you spend the better your experience... and also one of those places where just when you think you're finished spending money, it's time to spend more money! Margaret and her family invested in the Genie+ Pass which saved them lots of long wait times. The pass is great for skipping lines, but it activates at 7 a.m., so be ready to set your alarm for 6:30 and be poised with your finger over the app. (And to access your inner zen when it's overloaded and you can't get in!) Margaret worked with a Disney Travel Planner

Our society connects thin bodies not just with better health, but with greater happiness. And many of us have been duped into believing that the rewards of eternal thinness are available to anyone who "eats right" and tries hard enough. But teaching our children "intuitive eating" suggests a different path: putting our kids' relationship with food and their bodies and their mental health on the front burner, and appearance and weight on the back. Amee Severson is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist who identifies as queer and nonbinary. Her work focuses on body positivity, fat acceptance, and providing safe and inclusive care for the LGBTQ+ community. Amee is the co-author of the new book How to Raise an Intuitive Eater: Raising the Next Generation with Food and Body Confidence. In this epsiode, Amee explains why the well-meaning strategies of concerned parents around food and weight usually end up backfiring how raising kids who eat intuitively means engaging with the complicated messages around food or di

We know we have to be our kids’ soft place to fall. We understand why they absolutely fall apart after a long day at school. But does it really have to be Mom who always gets the worst of it?  Our listener Michelle wrote in to say: I have been pondering something I call the "Safe Space Paradox,” or why children behave so differently around their primary caregiver. I am repeatedly told by grandparents, teachers, my husband, that my children were "perfect angels" for them. And yet the minute I open the door it is a cue for my children to resume the whining, fighting, and crying.  I understand this is because of the deep emotional connection children form with their primary caregiver. But is there any research on ways to actually improve this? Or that I can actually enjoy this precious side of my children? In this episode, we discuss why kids really do save their worst behavior for us (and why we're part of the reason that can happen) how hard it can be to feel like the dirty hand towel for everyone's ba

Does your kids' chatter in the back seat work your last nerve? You may identify with this week's question: I feel like your wisdom could help me with the dreaded evening commute. I have a job that requires me to be on. And at the end of the day, I really need a moment of silence to re-become normal. Trouble is, the kid pickup and drive home is on me. And at the exact moment I need to hear myself think, my kids have had to shut up all day at school and have not gotten the chance to tell all of the stories. Our needs at that moment are total opposites. There's a couple things I can't do anything about, like my work schedule. I'm leaving at five when it will truly take us about half an hour to get home. No, my husband can't do the pickup. I have tried a couple of things. "Today I brought you each a book and you'll just read no talking." That works pretty well. Or "Let's listen to this cool family podcast I found today." But given that my kids also have equally valid needs, I feel like it's not fair to make all

Taylor Harris is a writer and mom of three living in Pennsylvania. Her first book, THIS BOY WE MADE: A Memoir of Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown, is the story of A Black mother bumping up against the limits of everything she thought she believed—about science and medicine, about motherhood, and about her faith—in search of the truth about her son. Taylor says her memoir is "about a day where Motherhood divided into Before and After." In this episode we hear about the particulars of Taylor's continuing journey to find answers for her child, and how we can all find in that story our own feelings of fear and uncertainty as parents. Find This Boy We Made in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781948226844 Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podc

This week we're discussing whether these parts of our lives (then as children, now as parents) are better then or better now: Halloween costumes holidays at school jeans what's for lunch cleaning the house Loved this episode? Listen to this Part One, in which we consider everything from maternity clothes to snow days: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/better-then-or-better-now/ And here's a link to Margaret's dad's vote for next year's Superbowl entertainment: Vic Damone singing "Strangers in Paradise" Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Betabrand has reinvented comfort and style with their Dress Yoga Pants,

This week's question comes from Sheila: "I have a 15-month-old and an almost 3-year-old. The 3-year-old has been in a toddler bed in his own room since he was 18 months old. The 15-month-old sleeps in a crib in a separate room. How do I get both boys to sleep in the same room without risking one waking the other either in the middle of night or way too early in the morning? When is the right age to have kids share a room?" When it comes to sharing a room there is no "right age." Some kids share from infancy, some have separate rooms forever, and some parents wait to share until no one is napping anymore. Whenever room-sharing becomes the right choice, either by necessity or by preference, here are some ways to make the transition a success: Set an expected bedtime– a lights-out time when it gets quiet and sleeping is expected. Build in play time for the siblings sharing a room. Make sure there is enough time before bed for rough housing and fun. For an 8:15pm lights out, have the kids in their room by 7:3

Evan Kyle Berger and Kevin Laferriere, better known as "The Dumb Dads," are stay-at-home dad comedians who've been featured on Momsplaining with Kristen Bell, Ellen, Today and Good Morning America for their social media sketch comedy. In addition to their own social pages, they make content for Bubble, a channel on EllenTube. Margaret, Evan, and Kevin talk about finding the funny in parenting, the fresh hell that is LA naptime driving, and why the "dumb" in "Dumb Dads" is actually silent. Follow The Dumb Dads @dumbdadpod on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok, and catch all their hilarious content on their YouTube channel! Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscr

What’s no longer interesting to you? How has your life been improved simply by no longer caring about something the world definitely thinks you should?  The key here is no longer interesting. James Bond movies and auto parts probably never made the list in the first place. We’re talking stuff you turned your back on after having cared perhaps a little too much. Which isn’t to say you don’t get pushback when you put things down. Just because *you* stop being interested in what’s for dinner doesn’t mean other small denizens of your home are going to stop asking you. Just because you stop caring about the scale doesn’t mean your sister will stop asking if you’ve lost weight. But whether it’s celebrity culture, making our kids dress appropriately for the weather, or what we wear to school drop-off, here are some things that are no longer interesting to us (and to our listeners).  Did you know you can share this episode from whatever app you're using to listen right now? Text it to a friend! S

How can you talk about the division of labor in your home– particularly if you're the one doing most of that labor– in a way that's less complain-y and more effective? Listeners can email us their questions at [email protected], which is where we received this week's question: Where is the the line between verbalizing the “mental load” and not talking everything to death and annoying myself and my partner in the process? I want him to recognize and understand all that I do as a stay-at-home mom to keep our house and family running, but at what point should I just put my head down and do my “job”? I do view this as my job and I wouldn’t have it any other way, so it makes it confusing to decide what to verbally “offload” and what to keep to myself. Talking about the invisible workload isn't one and done. It's invisible to everyone except you, the default parent who's doing it all. So we think you do get to talk about it. But in order to keep those conversations peaceful and pr

Masha Rumer is an award-winning journalist and immigrant from the former Soviet Union who is now raising two children in California. Her new book, PARENTING WITH AN ACCENT: HOW IMMIGRANTS HONOR THEIR HERITAGE, NAVIGATE SETBACKS, AND CHART NEW PATHS FOR THEIR CHILDREN, explores the complexities of multicultural parenting and identity. In this episode, we discuss The experience of disidentifying with, and then seeking to reconnect with, the cultures from which we came What we get wrong about the history of immigration What it’s like to be “in America but not of it,” while parenting children for whom America feels like home Find PARENTING WITH AN ACCENT in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780807021873 and follow Masha Rumer here: @MashaDC on Twitter @masharumer on Instagram @parentingwithanaccent on Facebook Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin

Sometimes all the "treasure every moment, Mama" content can make us feel like it's all downhill from here, that each year of parenting becomes a little less special. This suspicion is confirmed when we're with our little ones at the grocery store and an older woman takes us in, nods knowingly, then says with a raised eyebrow, "Just you wait." But wait for what? Does only peril and sass-mouth lie ahead? In this episode we discuss how parenting changes, and why that change is not to be feared or resisted. Some things honestly change for the better. Some things for sure you miss. But all change is absolutely, totally okay. For more on this topic, and in particular the answers to "yes but when does it change for the EASIER?", check out our episode Your Life Begins Again When... (The Second Half of Parenting) Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at a

Are the after school hours intense ones at your house? Whether you have pre-schoolers or high-schoolers you can probably relate to this question from Patti: "Can we talk about after school routines? When my mom was a child she and her siblings had afternoon tea and cake with their mom every day after school. When my kids get home in the afternoon it’s like a bunch of wild animals just escaped from the zoo. I can’t commit to a routine. Play outside first? Have screen time to unwind? How can I make this time of day less hellish for me and more peaceful for everyone?" Just like kids aren't "one size fits all," after-school routines have to be designed to fit your child. But a simple rule that should work for most kids is "food first." Greet your kids with a snack if possible, or lay one out ahead of time. While a frozen pizza from the microwave isn't as Pinterest-worthy as a tray of fresh cookies next to a chalkboard with Welcome Home! written on it, the aim here is to feed your kids, not to be perfect and p

How is it possible to find ourselves lonely in the midst of crazy-busy lives? Why does adulthood mean you only see people you really like twice a year? How did friendship get so complicated? Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships in adulthood. She’s the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, a book which has beenn helping adults around the world heal from disconnection and loneliness. Her follow-up book, Connected from Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You’re Far Away, is filled with connection-boosting exercises to help us cultivate closeness and belonging no matter how far away we are from the ones we love. In this episode, Kat and Amy discuss the paradox of our increasingly busy lives, with more opportunities to meet people, and our decreasing feelings of connection how to overcome our decreased "social stamina" as we come out of the pandemic our main challenges to connection– and how to get intentional about

We've long been proponents of a "back to one" instead of a goal. On a movie set, the assistant director yells "Back to one!" after a take of a scene, so that everything can be perfectly reset to its starting point for another crack at the same scene. There's no judgment; of course you're going to do more than one take. Of course you're going to try to fix whatever didn't go right, and learn from your previous tries. Going back to one isn't setting a goal or expecting perfection; it's just what happens next. Our listener Dana recently proposed this in our Facebook group: "2/1 Back to One! "Help me make it a thing. I'm not ready for resolutions on January 1. The tree is still up, the holiday sweets are still around, and the kids are still off school. I think February 1st is the perfect day to start good habits for the upcoming year. We heartily approve this notion! No New Year's resolutions this year for us, but in this episode, we discuss the gentle resets that we and our listeners are creating in different ar

I have created a 2-year-old screens monster! This week he and I have been sick with fever, vomiting, and diarrhea. (I also have a 6 month old who has miraculously stayed healthy.) My typically screen-free toddler has been given unlimited screen time because it was the only way we could survive! Now that he is getting better, he just wants to watch screens all day. I try to take them away and he screams, hits and goes crazy. How do I wean him off of this new and terrible habit? Toddlers' memories are short enough that a reset is easily possible here. You don't mention which screens are problematic, but phones can be hidden in coat closets, TVs can have suddenly and mysteriously inoperable remote controls, computers can be "out of power" with no charger to be found. You report that tantrums occur when the screens are taken away, so the key is to avoid turning them on in the first place, or at least to have them as readily available as they were before. Another approach you can consider, from the world of anim

Cara Harvey is a mom empowerment coach who provides women with the tools, resources, and community to empower themselves, find their happiness, and live a life by design. Her new book is THE 15-MINUTE FORMULA: HOW BUSY MOMS CAN DITCH THE GUILT, SAY YES TO WHAT MATTERS, AND CONQUER THEIR GOALS. In this interview, we discuss what "hustle culture" gets wrong about getting things done how becoming *less* attached to our calendars can help us be more productive why 15 minutes might be the perfect-sized block of time to really move us toward our goals, whether they're professional, family-focused, or personal Find Cara on Instagram: @apurposedrivenmom Get a free "action guide" here: https://the15minuteformula.com/free/ Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:  Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system and more with just one scoop per day. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Beam makes products